Let Big Brother begin! Housemates are made up of ‘b**ches and d*cks’ as new twists already emerge
DESPITE the fact it feels as though the last Big Brother series only ended last week, here we are. A new series! New housemates! New twists! And the same Big Brother voice and host.
It’s a new series of watching people with questionable morals, do questionable things to other questionable people. Let’s face it, a lot of these people are probably real sh*t people and it’s great they’re on national TV for all of us to see!
Apparently this time we’re in for a storm. Excellent. Regional Australia could do with some rain.
So either there is some cross-promotion going on or Big Brother is only accepting professional dancers as housemates or they genuinely thought those silver painted guys were a good idea. It was just an excuse for Sonia Kruger to show us she can dance. Well kind of dance, she’s pregnant so it’s awkward waddling.
Meet the housemates. Picture: Channel 9
Source: Supplied
Ooh a world first! What is it!? Oh. They get to play in pairs, big whoop. By the end of the season everyone is hooking up so much anyway they may as well have introduced this years ago.
Our first housemate Priya not only gets “the power” but also has a name similar to a car. That’s probably why she’s “so popular”. Oh wait she just lives in Adelaide, that is probably going to explain a lot about her.
Unapologetically Priya likes attention – good or bad. And she doesn’t have a filter, which is why she signed up for Big Brother.
Sonia Kruger with Big Brother housemates Skye and Lisa. Picture: Channel 9
Source: Supplied
I wonder if she will be wearing the traditional Indian outfits for the entire season, I’d like just to see some consistency.
Oh Jesus she’s “the head” of the BB house and she gets to pick who her other half is. The two options aren’t great but she has picked Katie. These two are going to get on like a house on fire. I hope they’re literally tied together for the whole time they’re in house.
Big Brother's Priya Malik with host Sonia Kruger.
Source: Channel 9
There is so much fake girl emotion on that stage right now it’s crazy. They’re not happy they’re paired together. They’re already thinking of ways to sabotage each other, you can see it in their fake smiles and laughs.
Queensland Housemate Skye. Picture: Adam Head
Source: News Corp Australia
Wow, the new BB house is modelled off a Miami condo and there is some weird clear tube in the pool. Probably a shark tank where they throw in evicted housemates.
Priya says the iron gate going into the house makes her feel like she is on Game of Thrones. And in a way, it kind of is. One by one the characters will be killed… Evicted… Off the show and there will be only one person worthy of the Iron Throne. Or Golden BB chair.
Katie is already asking BB for champagne. Priorities are in check.
Sonia Kruger with Skye. Picture: Channel 9
Source: Supplied
Our next housemate is Jake. He’s a winner who doesn’t like to be picked on. He looks… Fun. He could be a paid actor. No one is this enthusiastic. His shirts are not a joke. He has a collection of bad print shirts. Tonight he is wearing flamingoes. He’s going to match the wallpaper in the BB house.
Jake has chosen a giant for partner. She’s 6”6’ while Jake is left to literally look up to her in all his 4” glory. It is so weird seeing them hold hands and run off together. I feel as though Gemma picking up Jake and giving him a piggy-back would be faster.
Queensland Housemate Skye has entered the Big Brother House. Picture: Adam Head
Source: News Corp Australia
I think Jake may actually think his pairing with Gemma will result in love. Jake, any love where you have to get on tippy toes to kiss your soul mate is not worth the strain on your muscles. At least girls can wear heels.
Our two narcissistic girlies get to spy on the other couples entering the house. That’s not creepy.
Bearded David is our next housemate. He manicures his beard, has a commitment-phobia and doesn’t like love. Unless it’s about his “nice smelling beard”. Like, what? Does he smell his beard often? How would be even do that?
Sonia Kruger with the housemates.
Source: Supplied
David picks Sandra as his pair. Shock horror. She reads exotic novels because she isn’t getting any in real life. My soul is sad for her because Fifty Shades of Grey was the worst book ever.
For the first time tonight, David and Sandra are a good match. Boring. Why would we want a good match?
Inside the Big Brother house. Picture: Channel 9
Source: Channel 9
Inside the Big Brother house. Picture: Channel 9
Source: Channel 9
Our next housie is Dion and Dion looks like a bit of a d*ck. Actually, he is a d*ck. He’s also “straight-edge” which I thought went out in 2007, but apparently not. Lucky for us BB has chosen two of the most opposite people ever to pair with Dion. Dion picks Jason because he probably thinks he’ll hate him a little bit less than Skye.
Queensland Housemate Dion has entered the Big Brother House. Picture: Adam Head
Source: News Corp Australia
“What are your first impressions of Dion, Jason?” “Well… He looks… Nice” which actually means he looks like a bit of a d*ck but alas, apparently they’re a good match too.
All the other housemates were hiding in the sauna waiting for Jason and D*c… Sorry Dion. It would have been funnier if the sauna was turned on and they were dying of thirst right now.
Skye is like our like next housemate and like she’s like good in like small doses like but probably not 24/7. Like.
I like hate her already.
Jake has entered the Big Brother House. Picture: Adam Head
Source: News Corp Australia
Travis is in the Big Brother house
Source: Supplied
Skye makes coffee and eats her feelings. She’s picked Lisa for her partner and she’s a princess pirate. I don’t know what that means but I assume she swears like a sailor.
I can’t wait for Skye Skye and Lisa to rip each other’s hair extensions out. It is only a matter of minutes.
Surely there can’t be too many more housemates. Big Brother has managed to pick every kind of personality in Australia right now. Oh wait, there are two extra people tonight and FOUR tomorrow. FOUR. ARE YOU SERIOUS BB. WHO? WHO COULD YOU HAVE POSSIBLY FOUND! ?
Ryan has entered the Big Brother House. Picture: Adam Head
Source: News Corp Australia
Priya compares Skye to Dolly Parton. It could be a compliment or an insult.
BB has an Italian stallion this year in Travis. He brings girls home to his mum’s house. Travis is a real winner. And by that, I mean not.
Travis doesn’t get to pick his pair and gets tied to Ryan. Ryan “drunk dates” and by that I think he means he also brings girls home to his mum’s house like Travis does.
Priya and Kate have to choose a couple to feed to the sharks first, meaning the “fishbowl” in the pool isn’t just for evicted pairs!
Inside the Big Brother house. Picture: Channel 9
Source: Channel 9
They choose Dion and Jason to die first while the other housemates carry on with champagne and good food. Dion and Jason are only a distant memory to others now. They had a good life.
Big Brother has just put 20K in front of Priya and Katie. There’s a catch as always and the girls have to decide whether to deprive the house of food for a week for $10,000 each.
Inside the Big Brother house. Picture: Channel 9
Source: Channel 9
Priya is trying to talk Katie into taking the money. Priya is a b*tch. Clearly she has never lived on meal replacement shakes for a week. Although maybe she wants to go on a diet and taking the cash helps her achieve her weight loss goals.
There’s a divorcee, a magician, a world record holder Olympian and a PT going to enter the house tomorrow. And now we have to wait until then or that car crash to unfold.
Sonia Kruger is the host Big Brother 2014. Picture: Jack Tran
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