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The Bachelor Australia 2015

Thanks for the entertainment. Dropping in at the end of a season is fun! I'll be sure to crash the next active thread with enthusiasm. I feel a real connection with you guys.[/QUOTE
I agree Willoughby it fun. Wish we had have done this last year.

On to the Bachelorette now.
 
Jo Thornely recaps The Bachelor finale
28 MINUTES AGOSEPTEMBER 17, 2015
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Bachelor Sam Wood with his new girlfriend Snezana Markoski. Picture: Chris Pavlich

  • IT’S HERE.

THE GRAND FINALE.

Or as I’m calling it, seeing as it’s between Snezana and Lana and a banana and an iguana and a sultana and some ikebana: THE GRAND FINANA.

Now, I should warn you. Because of the lustrous shroud of secrecy that has surrounded this episode, Recap HQ has not been able to secure as many official images as usual. We’ve figured out a seamless work-around though, and I don’t think you’ll notice the difference.

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Oooh, the girls look nervous.Source:

First things first: the disappointment. We fell well short of our goal nipple total, even though we saw Sam go for a swim AND have a semi-naked shave. Final count: 52.

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I tell you, that Sam guy is RIPPED.Source:

While the episode starts in full flashback mode, from the moment everyone first met, through hours of face-sucking, and finally plonking ourselves here at finale, we realise that if the following words and phrases were edited out, the episode would be about eight minutes long:

BEAUTIFUL

DIFFICULT DECISION

NEVER EXPECTED THAT

I HAVE A DAUGHTER

INTELLIGENT AND VIVACIOUS

I CAN DEFINITELY SEE A FUTURE WITH HER

ADVENTURE

I WOULD LIKE TO TOAST YOUR MARSHMALLOWS.

Right! First up, the girls meet Sam’s family – Dad Andrew, Sister Hannah, and borderline mute brother Alex.

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Sadly, they can’t find any stick figure car stickers with a dad mullet.Source:

The two meetings are pretty similar – free-flowing conversation, hugs and kisses, Snezana making Pa Wood cry, Lana making Sister Wood cry, Sam grinning like a pleasant but simple-brained power-point.

The true stand-out, toppled only in gruff, crinkly coolness by Heather’s old mate Warwick of a few episodes ago, is Pa Wood. From “You know as much about Tasmania as I know about Macedonia”, to “My first thought when she walked around the corner was yeah, Sam’s got another cracker”, this is a man you want to be proud of you. A man you want to have a cold, frosty beer with on a hot summer afternoon. A man you want to secretly give a proper haircut in his sleep.

Look, these family visits aren’t giving us a single clue about who’s going to win. Let’s move onto the dates.

First up, Sam and Lana drape dead animals around their necks for a helicopter ride to a country pond.

0bf0acb31fdc5978805f07461eb5647c

At least four polyesters lost their lives needlessly for this show.Source:

In a panic, the producers realise they haven’t referenced The Notebook for a couple of episodes and time is running out, so they bung the kids and some flowers in a rowboat and let them have at it. They drift, drink champagne, speak vaguely and noncommittally about the future, and basically just fill in time until they can park the boat and mack on.

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Artist’s impression of The NotebookSource:

Lana waits until later that evening to tell Sam that she’s crazy about him over toasted marshmallows and nine million bee-squirts worth of candles, and the Pash-O-Trons consummate their sort of I guess I could potentially fall in love with you with another half-hour worth of pashing. If you close your eyes, it sounds like two salmon fillets in a tumble-dryer. It’s beautiful.

When it’s Snezana’s turn, the couple drive to a tiny river beach for a picnic of chocolate-coated strawberries and describing each other.

“You make me feel stuff”, she says.

“You have a daughter”, he says.

39e4d88c63c797f4f4a1a96cc7aa7c69

“Do you have a hairbrush?” she purrs.Source:

Wait a second. This doesn’t feel as passionate or as urgent as Sam’s date with Lana. Are we thinking that Sam will choose Lana, or are we thinking that the producers want us to think that we’re thinking that Sam will choose Lana when he’s thinking that he’ll choose Snezana?

Either way, they sit on some hay bales and kiss, and I’m pretty sure they can hear bells.

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The bells turn out to be smoke alarms, because this is a GIGANTIC fire hazard.Source:

They discuss the fact that Snezana has a daughter (spoiler alert: Snezana has a daughter), and she reminds him that “It would be hard with me”.

“It is a bit already” thinks Sam, shifting his sitting position on the hay bale.

Then she says it.

She says the thing.

She says “I want you to know that I have fallen in love with you”.

BOOM. THERE IT IS.

Sam smiles and says “It’s such a beautiful thing to hear you say”.

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OuchSource:Channel 10

The following day everyone gets ready for THE BIG DECISION, and things happen very, very slowly.

There’s slow shaving, slow jewellery selection, slow Lana putting all of her hair over one shoulder, a slow sunset, slow dramatic music, slow voice-overs repeating slow things we’ve heard before slowly, and a slow sweeping shot of the outdoor Rosatorium, a swimming pool lined with almost every candle from the sun’s personal collection.

Osher has a chat to Sam by the pool, using encouraging, serious words like ‘journey’ and also ‘journey’.

9760be223ca72e905a2a9542b8f4d2c5

The resemblance is uncannySource:

A slow car slowly slows up the driveway. Our minds race. Will he tell the loser first or the winner? Who’s in the car? What will he say? OH GOD, WHAT SIDE WILL THEIR HAIR BE ON?

It’s Lana. Miraculously not setting her skirt on fire, she traverses the fiery walkway towards Sam, where she holds his hands and gazes into his eyes. The atmosphere is electric. They need so few words. Sam smiles a deep, simple smile and his lips part gently, ready to speak.

“Nup”, he says.

Oh.

My.

God.

Lana flees the poolside rejection zone and asks not to be filmed while she turns her back. A special camera in the trees catches her face.

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All those hundreds of few days, and now this.Source:

But y’know, then she’s fine and she’s in a car putting her seatbelt on.

We all know what happens next, but it’s successfully drawn out over roughly three years.

“I’ve got so many feelings running through me at the moment”, says Sam nervously. Plus a bit of diarrhoea, I expect.

Snezana arrives, crunching over rose petals and Lana’s drying tears.

They hold their beautiful hands. They blah their beautiful blahs. One of them gives the other one some contractual obligation jewellery. They say “I love you”.

They kiss.

It is done.

Oh no wait, there’s a bit more talking.

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you: the future of love.

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I’M JUST KIDDING THERE’S TOTALLY A PROPER PICTURE FOR THATSource:

94ed60d6ccc182b188497a0c50afca94

Nawwwwwwww. I need a drink.Source:
 
I was thinking that too. I never really felt a big genuine connection between Sam and Lana. They told us it was there, but we never really saw it to the extent they claimed. I kinda feel like they were playing up them talking about how great each other were to make it seem legit that he'd take her that far. Man it was really hard for me to watch that happen to Lana. I would have lost it if that were Sarah or Heather.
Even lanas so called emotional moment was put on. I'm thinking maybe they both were in on it?
 
In summary, Snez was the only one he was genuinely interested in all along, and the rest, all of which - imho - were out of his league, he strung along because he thinks he is Derek Zoolander
Bit he most definitely is not Derek zoolander!

I get he has to run with the show program, but he doesn't need to build the girls hope up either. And for that I still think he is a knob.
 
Jo Thornely recaps The Bachelor finale
28 MINUTES AGOSEPTEMBER 17, 2015
a3154be9e27f5a71f2f84e47ef3edccc

Bachelor Sam Wood with his new girlfriend Snezana Markoski. Picture: Chris Pavlich

  • IT’S HERE.

THE GRAND FINALE.

Or as I’m calling it, seeing as it’s between Snezana and Lana and a banana and an iguana and a sultana and some ikebana: THE GRAND FINANA.

Now, I should warn you. Because of the lustrous shroud of secrecy that has surrounded this episode, Recap HQ has not been able to secure as many official images as usual. We’ve figured out a seamless work-around though, and I don’t think you’ll notice the difference.

a9826f2efd5a7c29cc4aeeea5c031b36

Oooh, the girls look nervous.Source:

First things first: the disappointment. We fell well short of our goal nipple total, even though we saw Sam go for a swim AND have a semi-naked shave. Final count: 52.

6c47b8666436bcf82b38ed7b95c9dbf6

I tell you, that Sam guy is RIPPED.Source:

While the episode starts in full flashback mode, from the moment everyone first met, through hours of face-sucking, and finally plonking ourselves here at finale, we realise that if the following words and phrases were edited out, the episode would be about eight minutes long:

BEAUTIFUL

DIFFICULT DECISION

NEVER EXPECTED THAT

I HAVE A DAUGHTER

INTELLIGENT AND VIVACIOUS

I CAN DEFINITELY SEE A FUTURE WITH HER

ADVENTURE

I WOULD LIKE TO TOAST YOUR MARSHMALLOWS.

Right! First up, the girls meet Sam’s family – Dad Andrew, Sister Hannah, and borderline mute brother Alex.

084a16b273a36e4907beaffb99af1576

Sadly, they can’t find any stick figure car stickers with a dad mullet.Source:

The two meetings are pretty similar – free-flowing conversation, hugs and kisses, Snezana making Pa Wood cry, Lana making Sister Wood cry, Sam grinning like a pleasant but simple-brained power-point.

The true stand-out, toppled only in gruff, crinkly coolness by Heather’s old mate Warwick of a few episodes ago, is Pa Wood. From “You know as much about Tasmania as I know about Macedonia”, to “My first thought when she walked around the corner was yeah, Sam’s got another cracker”, this is a man you want to be proud of you. A man you want to have a cold, frosty beer with on a hot summer afternoon. A man you want to secretly give a proper haircut in his sleep.

Look, these family visits aren’t giving us a single clue about who’s going to win. Let’s move onto the dates.

First up, Sam and Lana drape dead animals around their necks for a helicopter ride to a country pond.

0bf0acb31fdc5978805f07461eb5647c

At least four polyesters lost their lives needlessly for this show.Source:

In a panic, the producers realise they haven’t referenced The Notebook for a couple of episodes and time is running out, so they bung the kids and some flowers in a rowboat and let them have at it. They drift, drink champagne, speak vaguely and noncommittally about the future, and basically just fill in time until they can park the boat and mack on.

fe0f5365ccdcc715b842a1c93e02e3ff

Artist’s impression of The NotebookSource:

Lana waits until later that evening to tell Sam that she’s crazy about him over toasted marshmallows and nine million bee-squirts worth of candles, and the Pash-O-Trons consummate their sort of I guess I could potentially fall in love with you with another half-hour worth of pashing. If you close your eyes, it sounds like two salmon fillets in a tumble-dryer. It’s beautiful.

When it’s Snezana’s turn, the couple drive to a tiny river beach for a picnic of chocolate-coated strawberries and describing each other.

“You make me feel stuff”, she says.

“You have a daughter”, he says.

39e4d88c63c797f4f4a1a96cc7aa7c69

“Do you have a hairbrush?” she purrs.Source:

Wait a second. This doesn’t feel as passionate or as urgent as Sam’s date with Lana. Are we thinking that Sam will choose Lana, or are we thinking that the producers want us to think that we’re thinking that Sam will choose Lana when he’s thinking that he’ll choose Snezana?

Either way, they sit on some hay bales and kiss, and I’m pretty sure they can hear bells.

eed57f064e0d83a1b6212297c1ced7fb

The bells turn out to be smoke alarms, because this is a GIGANTIC fire hazard.Source:

They discuss the fact that Snezana has a daughter (spoiler alert: Snezana has a daughter), and she reminds him that “It would be hard with me”.

“It is a bit already” thinks Sam, shifting his sitting position on the hay bale.

Then she says it.

She says the thing.

She says “I want you to know that I have fallen in love with you”.

BOOM. THERE IT IS.

Sam smiles and says “It’s such a beautiful thing to hear you say”.

52f0134bfaef40ac3a0bc47d8632c411

OuchSource:Channel 10

The following day everyone gets ready for THE BIG DECISION, and things happen very, very slowly.

There’s slow shaving, slow jewellery selection, slow Lana putting all of her hair over one shoulder, a slow sunset, slow dramatic music, slow voice-overs repeating slow things we’ve heard before slowly, and a slow sweeping shot of the outdoor Rosatorium, a swimming pool lined with almost every candle from the sun’s personal collection.

Osher has a chat to Sam by the pool, using encouraging, serious words like ‘journey’ and also ‘journey’.

9760be223ca72e905a2a9542b8f4d2c5

The resemblance is uncannySource:

A slow car slowly slows up the driveway. Our minds race. Will he tell the loser first or the winner? Who’s in the car? What will he say? OH GOD, WHAT SIDE WILL THEIR HAIR BE ON?

It’s Lana. Miraculously not setting her skirt on fire, she traverses the fiery walkway towards Sam, where she holds his hands and gazes into his eyes. The atmosphere is electric. They need so few words. Sam smiles a deep, simple smile and his lips part gently, ready to speak.

“Nup”, he says.

Oh.

My.

God.

Lana flees the poolside rejection zone and asks not to be filmed while she turns her back. A special camera in the trees catches her face.

4ae745010123eea5616125662ab40f3b

All those hundreds of few days, and now this.Source:

But y’know, then she’s fine and she’s in a car putting her seatbelt on.

We all know what happens next, but it’s successfully drawn out over roughly three years.

“I’ve got so many feelings running through me at the moment”, says Sam nervously. Plus a bit of diarrhoea, I expect.

Snezana arrives, crunching over rose petals and Lana’s drying tears.

They hold their beautiful hands. They blah their beautiful blahs. One of them gives the other one some contractual obligation jewellery. They say “I love you”.

They kiss.

It is done.

Oh no wait, there’s a bit more talking.

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you: the future of love.

c666b017d697e0c7104fe608f6d2a77b

I’M JUST KIDDING THERE’S TOTALLY A PROPER PICTURE FOR THATSource:

94ed60d6ccc182b188497a0c50afca94

Nawwwwwwww. I need a drink.Source:
Excellent recap. Is that the ring on the correct finger or one of hers?
 
Bit he most definitely is not Derek zoolander!

I get he has to run with the show program, but he doesn't need to build the girls hope up either. And for that I still think he is a knob.

I remeber watching a season of The Bachelor US when the guy told the other girls in the top 2 or 3 he was going to choose a certain girl and they all knew it and basically went on the dates as fillers and just had a fun time, didn't kiss and pretend, just enjoyed the experience
 
I remeber watching a season of The Bachelor US when the guy told the other girls in the top 2 or 3 he was going to choose a certain girl and they all knew it and basically went on the dates as fillers and just had a fun time, didn't kiss and pretend, just enjoyed the experience

Which one was that?
 
I remeber watching a season of The Bachelor US when the guy told the other girls in the top 2 or 3 he was going to choose a certain girl and they all knew it and basically went on the dates as fillers and just had a fun time, didn't kiss and pretend, just enjoyed the experience

Wow I didn't know they were allowed to do that!
 
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