Big hugs Delcan. My daughter went through some crazy stuff (not that intense in the scheme of things, but her method of dealing with it wasn't the best) Her school put us onto a place called headspace & they also hooked me up with a lady who does a 6 week program for anxiety & depression & kinda life coaching. I was all.... I'm fine, ain't no problem with me! but I'll go for my daughter...…… well...………….. All I can say is I WAS WOKE UP!! Sensations I had felt since my childhood were/are anxiety. I had no idea what I was feeling was "anxiety"
Let me get to the good stuff!! My lady helped me to work out my head a bit. I now give myself "worry time" so when I go to sleep & I start tossing & turning etc etc I tell myself - thinking it all through now isn't actually going to change anything, just make myself tired (and cranky) I'll think this shiz through when I drive to work tomorrow. When tomorrow comes, your busy doing normal stuff to worry & overthink.
I would often wake up sad, and just cry, I didn't know why, I was just sad that day. I think it was from the night on night stress sleeping. You have to give yourself permission to make mistakes, cos it's human, remind yourself you did your best at that time, it's all you can do & try again.
I would often get into screaming matches on the phone with my sister (i'm 37 & she's 49 lol!) and we were like teenagers. I would have the shits at her for not listening & understanding etc etc & get myself worked up & *had* to tell her my reasons etc etc. Now I just breath in & out & let her talk, if she takes my opinion on board, then good, if she doesn't, then sucks to be her, but I still keep being me.
It's taken me every one of my 37 & two kids & a chance meeting with a person in the right field to finally feel free of my own mind. I'm still so used to my old tricks tho, but I'm working less hard now to relax myself.
Geez, that was a rant sorry :O I just wanted you to know that you aren't alone at all x