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R U OK Support Thread

Kingston

Canadian Royality
I know the feeling. Except I'm too gutless to ever actually go on a date when I am asked out. I think it's not unusual to come of as confident in one area of your life and feel shy in another area of your life. People give me compliments at work about how passionate and strong I am and I'm so shy and nervous in my personal life. And I hate compliments
I feel exactly the same way.

As an update I ended up texting before I went to bed last night just explaining that I'd rather have an honest answer than nothing at all. I got a text back saying that they didn't think we had much in common and that it was probably best if we didn't meet up again. So while appreciated the honesty and it's certainly an easier pill to swallow than nothing at all it's exposed a lot of my insecurities and brought up a lot of past feelings. It seems whenever I put myself out there like this it ends in failure.

Two of the OCPD characteristics that resonate with me are unusually high personal standards and preoccupation with perfectionism to the point where the goal of a task is lost. Can't help but feel that when it comes to dating I set a high standard for myself that I fear saying or doing the wrong thing so much that I'm almost void of personality.
 

qtkt

Vicar of Goondiwindi
Awesome site donor
Time for an update on @Mr Stickyfingers I spoke to him on the phone today. He sounds great. He has to speak slowly but is perfectly understandable. He and Mrs S are currently living with their daughter and son in law. They have bought a place near them (just signed contracts today) and will be renovating it before moving in in a couple of months. Mr S stood today and transferred himself to his wheelchair. I told him he would get there with his tenacity. He said he's just stubborn and I replied that I actually meant that but was just being polite.
However, typing on his tablet is an extremely slow process so he can't easily participate in here. He has asked me to tell you that he is going to try to get in on the weekend and write a message for you all - and he will follow along with the Survivor thread.
It was lovely to hear his voice.
 

Lucas

Well-Known Member
Time for an update on @Mr Stickyfingers I spoke to him on the phone today. He sounds great. He has to speak slowly but is perfectly understandable. He and Mrs S are currently living with their daughter and son in law. They have bought a place near them (just signed contracts today) and will be renovating it before moving in in a couple of months. Mr S stood today and transferred himself to his wheelchair. I told him he would get there with his tenacity. He said he's just stubborn and I replied that I actually meant that but was just being polite.
However, typing on his tablet is an extremely slow process so he can't easily participate in here. He has asked me to tell you that he is going to try to get in on the weekend and write a message for you all - and he will follow along with the Survivor thread.
It was lovely to hear his voice.
Wonderful news! Thank you. Good on you Mr. Sticky! 👍 You champion! 😁
 

el'coopo

Well-Known Member
Multiple site donor
Awesome site donor
@delcan @Kingston - holy shizzle sticks we could nearly be triplets!! I'm only about 10months into awareness of anxiety. I just thought that everyone went to sleep each night hashing & re-hashing every little convo, coming up events to prepare myself etc. The most hardest part is being your own best friend. As in when you do something you consider stupid & you instant regret & then have a million do-overs in your head, it's hard to stop the negative anxious thoughts, forgive yourself & remind yourself you are human, absolutely no one is perfect and making mistakes is part of living.
It's also hard when, like you said Kingston, that life's going pretty good, but your anxious & can't pin it to anything. That feeling sucks too!! That's started to happen to me (usually I've got a ton of things that I know why i'm freaking out :p) I think it's like muscle memory, as in you are sooo used to doing your checks and double checks, that you can't switch it off. Hmm, this is hard to put into words. I think a lot of it is confidence & self belief (well for me) that I second guess my choices. When I start to spin out, I remind myself now, that I am an adult, my thoughts are mine and I don't need to change them to please others. A lot of my adult choices had been to counter-act all of my perceived "wrongs" that happened during my childhood. I've only just realised that this made me act child-ish at times & people around me respond to that negatively. I'm a situation inflamer, so I have to tell myself to calm, calm, breath it out, reduce the tension, don't feed the fire. I used to just go - right! it's orn biatch! in 2 seconds flat!

Ok - so I've had a million re-reads, i'm going to stop myself from deleting, i'm breathing it out & posting (cos let's admit it, we all fear rejection) and I give you both squishy hugs x
 

el'coopo

Well-Known Member
Multiple site donor
Awesome site donor
@Mr Stickyfingers


Woo-hoo you go you good thing!!!

I've had a computer upgrade & I've lost my ability to gif :(:(:(:(

Below is a moving pic of my fave dr..... I still can't bring myself to watch a lady dr! (ps if it ends up a pic & not a gif, lets all just pretend it's a gif, okay? :D )


1563847573579.png
 

Kingston

Canadian Royality
So I'm back on anti-depressants/anxiety meds officially as of today.

Also so I had asked last week for a second chance as I really felt the guy just met my anxiety and not the real person. Anyways he said he'd consider it. Today I saw him online and just asked a friendly question about where he told me he was going on the weekend... Several hours later I can clearly see he's online and still no response! I still have his number so I sent a text saying that ghosting isn't cool and that all he had to do was say he's not interested in chatting. I got back a half apology saying he's sorry his lack of communication "offended" me and that he's not interested in a second go. I'm absolutely livid... Not because of the rejection but because it took me messaging him just to get a solid answer. Without going too much in to things my "ex" was kind of emotionally abusive and would pull this kind of thing all the time and it just sets something off in me now. Also in @Kingston I always have to have the last word and I sent a few ranting texts back in response so this guy probably thinks I'm even more of a lunatic.
 

Kingston

Canadian Royality
@delcan @Kingston - holy shizzle sticks we could nearly be triplets!! I'm only about 10months into awareness of anxiety. I just thought that everyone went to sleep each night hashing & re-hashing every little convo, coming up events to prepare myself etc. The most hardest part is being your own best friend. As in when you do something you consider stupid & you instant regret & then have a million do-overs in your head, it's hard to stop the negative anxious thoughts, forgive yourself & remind yourself you are human, absolutely no one is perfect and making mistakes is part of living.
It's also hard when, like you said Kingston, that life's going pretty good, but your anxious & can't pin it to anything. That feeling sucks too!! That's started to happen to me (usually I've got a ton of things that I know why i'm freaking out :p) I think it's like muscle memory, as in you are sooo used to doing your checks and double checks, that you can't switch it off. Hmm, this is hard to put into words. I think a lot of it is confidence & self belief (well for me) that I second guess my choices. When I start to spin out, I remind myself now, that I am an adult, my thoughts are mine and I don't need to change them to please others. A lot of my adult choices had been to counter-act all of my perceived "wrongs" that happened during my childhood. I've only just realised that this made me act child-ish at times & people around me respond to that negatively. I'm a situation inflamer, so I have to tell myself to calm, calm, breath it out, reduce the tension, don't feed the fire. I used to just go - right! it's orn biatch! in 2 seconds flat!

Ok - so I've had a million re-reads, i'm going to stop myself from deleting, i'm breathing it out & posting (cos let's admit it, we all fear rejection) and I give you both squishy hugs x
I feel you on the childhood trauma thing... I spent my childhood letting people push me around and treat me like garbage. So when it happens in my adult life I've kind of developed a complex around defending myself because I feel like no one else will.
 

delcan

Future Real Housewife
Awesome site donor
So I'm back on anti-depressants/anxiety meds officially as of today.

Also so I had asked last week for a second chance as I really felt the guy just met my anxiety and not the real person. Anyways he said he'd consider it. Today I saw him online and just asked a friendly question about where he told me he was going on the weekend... Several hours later I can clearly see he's online and still no response! I still have his number so I sent a text saying that ghosting isn't cool and that all he had to do was say he's not interested in chatting. I got back a half apology saying he's sorry his lack of communication "offended" me and that he's not interested in a second go. I'm absolutely livid... Not because of the rejection but because it took me messaging him just to get a solid answer. Without going too much in to things my "ex" was kind of emotionally abusive and would pull this kind of thing all the time and it just sets something off in me now. Also in @Kingston I always have to have the last word and I sent a few ranting texts back in response so this guy probably thinks I'm even more of a lunatic.
That is really frustrating when people do that. I remember a guy many years ago ghosted me for days before send me a text saying he was interested at like 7am in the morning when I was about leave on a 2 hour drive to get to a course. He got a very ranting text back
 

Kingston

Canadian Royality
That is really frustrating when people do that. I remember a guy many years ago ghosted me for days before send me a text saying he was interested at like 7am in the morning when I was about leave on a 2 hour drive to get to a course. He got a very ranting text back
I’m too old to play that game with people. I went through enough of it in my 20’s chasing after my “ex” all the time. Especially after all the “you’re a nice guy” shit he threw out there. If I’m such a “nice guy” then don’t treat me like a dickhead.
 

crimmy

Well-Known Member
Awesome site donor
I don’t understand why people just can’t have the common decency to be straight forward - they don’t need to be rude about it - just honest. Is that just too much to ask these days? You can let a person down gently ... ghosting is gutless and reflects on them not on you. Even if its hard to find the words - admit that its hard - if it were easy it would feel worse.
 

Isee

Lurker... who occasionally speaks
Awesome site donor
I don’t understand why people just can’t have the common decency to be straight forward - they don’t need to be rude about it - just honest. Is that just too much to ask these days? You can let a person down gently ... ghosting is gutless and reflects on them not on you. Even if its hard to find the words - admit that its hard - if it were easy it would feel worse.
I have been ghosted after a job interview- that is honestly the most gutless and disrespectful thing I have ever seen through a recruitment process.
 

Mr Stickyfingers

an old fart that rants at times...
Awesome site donor
Time for an update on @Mr Stickyfingers I spoke to him on the phone today. He sounds great. He has to speak slowly but is perfectly understandable. He and Mrs S are currently living with their daughter and son in law. They have bought a place near them (just signed contracts today) and will be renovating it before moving in in a couple of months. Mr S stood today and transferred himself to his wheelchair. I told him he would get there with his tenacity. He said he's just stubborn and I replied that I actually meant that but was just being polite.
However, typing on his tablet is an extremely slow process so he can't easily participate in here. He has asked me to tell you that he is going to try to get in on the weekend and write a message for you all - and he will follow along with the Survivor thread.
It was lovely to hear his voice.
.

...hey all... are our lives busy or what?... in the last few weeks it’s been totally full on for my sweet darling wife and I... but first of all I want to thank QTKT for being so kind to me for ringing us up and then in passing the message along as to what is happening with us at the moment..l thankyou very much QTKT...

...okay... here goes... we have managed to sell our house in Windsor (NSW) and have now bought a Villa at Swansea (NSW)... we’re in a perfect location as we’re within 100 Metres of our new Doctors Medical Centre/Dentist/Fire Station/Local shops (including Coles/Woolies/Dan Murphy’s/Dominos Pizza/McDonalds/Thai/Chinese/Fish and Chip co-op/Coffee Shops and other eateries/a Pub/3x clubs/and not to mention all of the water surrounding us such as lakes... rivers and an ocean to mention a few)...

...in regards to my Physiology... as QTKT mentioned... I am now doing transfers from a seat to a wheelchair and now am able to lift myself from the seat using the strength of my arms and some momentum of my body... they had me walking about 20 steps unaided... I’ve got a sneaking suspicion that they intend to make me walk with a frame or walker when they come tomorrow... (I’m up for it I reckon...bring it on!)... hahaha!... my immediate goal is to be able to walk around our new house and not rely on a wheelchair...

...in regards to our new home... we’re completely gutting out the two bathrooms/kitchen/carpets//curtains... (well basically everything I suppose).... hahaha!... it’s a 2x garage Villa so it’s kinda cool... here’s the floor plan...2348D5D1-206B-4EE0-9517-859FC408ADFF.jpeg


...needless to say... it will be wheelchair friendly when we’re finished... it will be a couple of months until house settlement/renovations and final moving in but we’re still staying at our daughter and husband’s place... so no big rush for us thankfully...

...thanks everyone for your concern... cheers.
 
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