Author: Tim

9.26am – Housemates are learning their task for the week. It starts with “Big Brother has a deal for you, who likes shopping, who likes spending money? Housemates are going to love this task. Big Brother has generously provided housemates with $1000 in $1 coins. To pass this task, all you need to do is spend it all”. The money can only be used to pay for offers that Big Brother gives them – the first is a breakfast deal “Big Brother is offering poached brains”. It’s $10 per brain. They find them in the store room on a platter. The brains are quite small but the girls are a bit digested by them.

Michael suggests they cook them up with some eggs and pork when Big Brother butts in “the brains must be eaten as is. They have been poached to perfection. They are flavour to savour and at this price they won’t last long”. Michael and Sam eat the brains first. Layla is most disgusted but manages to start eating hers. Bradley says “they taste like death”. Estelle starts gagging while she eats it. Angie suggests she take small bites and not chew. Ben is also having trouble and spits the last of his poached brain out.

Layla comes to the diary room and asks what sort of animal did the brains come from. Big Brother responds “it was brain from an animal”.

“I’d love to know what animal Big Brother”

“No you wouldn’t”

“Oh please tell me, I’d rather know”

“Lamb”

“Really?”

..

“It wasn’t, was it?”

“What other brains are there?”

Layla suggests “human?”

Layla continues “imagine if I got really really clever because I ate that brain. If that happens and I start to use big words like Michael maybe you could give me a brain every day and by the time I leave the house I’ll be clever”.

The new ‘daily specials’ phone in the kitchen starts ringing. Bradley answers and it’s a man with an Indian accent who asks “are you a man who always likes to look at his very very best?”. The Indian man says he has a special on mens casual wear, which Bradley accepts for $12. In the store room he finds a string mankini (the type from the ‘Borat’ movie). Bradley exclaims “oh no!” and the housemates all cheer. Bradley goes to put it on and Josh says “this is worse than the brains”.

Bradley emerges from the bathroom wearing the mankini and a large area of his crotch is blurred out. The girls all shriek and Stacey suggests he’s going to have to tape it up. He emerges to the garden and the housemates clap. He’s still blurred.

Michael is angry because he cooked some pork and wrapped it in foil – but some one has cut the foil and that dries the meat out. Michael goes from housemate to housemate trying to figure out who cut it – it comes down to Angie and Ben “he said she said”. Angie gets defensive and they yell at each other. Ben repeats: Angie was cutting the foil. Angie is adamant that it was both her and Ben. The argument continues in the kitchen and they bicker back and forth.

Angie: Well Michael, this is potentially my last day and you’ve ruined it now.

They continue fighting back and forth very immaturely.

1.34pm – Michael is now feeling bad about the argument but is holding off from apologising to Angie. Bradley says maybe he should wait a day (alluding to Angie possibly being evicted tomorrow). The boys all theorise that Angie doesn’t like authority and doesn’t like being told what to do.

The daily specials phone rings again and Layla is offered an offer for a brand new wedding dress. It’s $25. She accepts, but soon finds it’s a gypsie wedding dress that includes 65 metres of fabric and weighs at 40 kilograms. Ben and Angie follow her into the diary room and they gasp with surprise. Ben says “you’ll look like Diana!” It takes them a while to get the dress onto Layla, including fake eyelashes, which she must wear all night.

Layla: “I haven’t got anyone to marry!”

Ben and Angie: “Yeah, Sam’s out there”

Layla: “Nooo!”

Ben: “If Sam doesn’t take you then George will take you, and if George doesn’t take you they’ll just put in another person”.

Later on the housemates have gathered to talk since they think there will be an eviction tonight. Michael gives an indirect apology by saying she’s a nice person, before Zoe makes him say it outright. Angie says “yaaay” and gives him a hug. Bradley thanks Estelle for his first kiss but also the confidence he’s gained from her in his ability to talk to girls. Josh says to Ava “I think the way you carry yourself and the way you present yourself is great and I don’t want you to leave but I guess if that happens we’ll see what happens beyond these doors”. They kiss.

The nominees are packing their bags, unaware there is no eviction tonight (because the NRL grand final is being televised instead). Ava gives him one of her sleeping singlets that fits perfectly. Ava tells Josh she left an extra present under his pillow.

Layla is wondering if some one will actually marry her one day. Delilah has started lying down on the train of Layla’s wedding dress.

Layla: At least some one appreciates the dress, aye Delilah?

Delilah runs off to the kitchen.

Layla: Ohh.. that’s a no!

Around 7pm the housemates have realised that something is not right – the hot water hasn’t been turned on for their usual pre-eviction show. Bradley predicts there could have been a tornado, earthquake, anything could have hit and the TV channel showing Big Brother has had to switch to that and the Big Brother eviction is not happening.

Layla needs to go to the toilet but with her huge wedding dress it’s impossible – she can’t even fit through the door properly. Zoe must help her onto the seat.

8.07pm (Typo – the show says AM) Zoe predicts that if Estelle is evicted the house will need to find some one else to bitch about but if Angie leaves.. the bitching will stop.

The housemates have been sitting on the couch for half an hour waiting for an eviction. Suddenly Big Brother booms:

“housemates, listen carefully. Big Brother has a deal for all housemates except the gypsie bride, and it’s only available for the next 30 seconds. It’s a hot deal which will cool you down. Housemates that’s right – it’s the deal you’ve all been thinking about but no one’s been talking about. For the modest sum of just $10 per housemate, Big Brother is offering .. fully clothed swims. I can tell you right now housemates Big Brother is losing money on this deal. $10 each. And yes, for your convenience, once those microphones come off you must leave all of you clothes on. Ten seconds left housemates”.

Most of the housemates run outside and jump in the pool with their clothes on. All of the girls stay behind, and the nominees are very confused – they don’t want to get wet before their potential eviction. Ava is very angry that Josh jumped in the pool with the singlet she gave him earlier. Estelle reassures her “don’t worry, it’s just water”.

Ava comes outside and asks why he jumped in the pool with the singlet on: “you put yourself before me.. but I don’t mind”. She’s visibly annoyed.

Shortly after Ava continues to complain about it to Estelle.

Zoe notices it’s a full moon and Layla says “that’s right, every time the housemates go crazy”. Zoe howls at the moon.

Layla comes to the diary room and asks Big Brother if there is going to be an eviction. She can keep a secret if Big Brother doesn’t want anyone else to know.

There’s a long pause and Big Brother doesn’t answer.

In the kitchen Josh apologises to Ava about jumping in the pool with her favourite singlet and says he wouldn’t normally do it. He rinsed it straight away She accepts his apology.

Layla shuffles into the kitchen, still wearing her massive wedding dress and starts eating some chocolate from the cupboard.

Layla: Sorry whose chocolate this is, but I really need some chocolate.

Estelle comes to the diary room and explains she’s excited at maybe not leaving this evening but is confused because they have a routine that has been interrupted: “the eviction is MIA”. Big Brother says “enjoy your evening, melmormay” (it’s gibberish).. Estelle looks very confused.

Angie is standing still outside looking just as confused.

In the morning there is rubbish and lollies everywhere. Sam leads the cleanup effort. Bradley jokes with Angie that they are basically “the third couple in the house” which she strongly denies. Michael is finishing lollies off the floor and eating them.

Sam comments that Josh and Michael haven’t done one thing to clean up and it annoys him. Stacey and Ben comment that Sam is on uber-clean mode and that he might be trying to outdo them: “he’s not winning any points in my book”.

Layla comes to the diary room to request some nail polish remover, because some of the housemates aren’t looking their best and it’s annoying her. “Pretty please!” Big Brother tells her “that won’t cut it” and that she must enlist support from her other housemates. She calls a quick meeting in the lounge room and announces that she wants to open a salon for the housemates called Salon-ala-Layla.

Cut to footage of various housemates pleading their case to Big Brother:

Michael: I think some of the female housemates aren’t looking their best at the moment and want to keep up with the boys. I would love to have an eyelash tint, a warm chocolate brown (he’s joking). Perhaps also a day mask to get these pores some air.

Angie: I’m hideous compared to what I was when I came in here. I’ve got regrowth, I don’t have a tan, my nails are gone, my lashes are gone. I’m a shadow of what I used to be.

Ben: I like to indulge and I’m high maintenance. You know how Michael was sort of like “yeah I don’t care”.. he really cares he’s a woman through and through.

Zoe: I really want fake lashes and have my nails painted because I’ve been growing them. I just want to be moisturised and cared for.

Sam: Happy Layla equals a very happy Sam.

Ava: I would love it, the best thing since roast pork which I don’t eat, so yeah I’d prefer the salon.

Stacey: Well, first point is that mine and a couple other people’s faces look like they’ve been trampled on by a horse.

Later on Angie says she’s going to eat her share of her food just before her eviction. Josh reminds her that she may not actually go. Bradley made that mistake and ate two blocks of chocolate and a tub of ice-cream at once. Angie wants them to know she’ll leave the house a happy woman but she does want to see a tear from every housemate on the next episode. Bradley is excused but he has to mope for a bit.

2.07pm – To pass the time Ben, Stacey, Bradley and Michael are pretending that the Big Brother house is an art gallery and they are the critics. They walk around judging everything. First is the outdoor seating area.

Michael: I like how they’ve juxtaposed the linear stripes with a perceived hexagonal clutter that shows how society can be structured yet chaotic at the same time.

Michael then says some very postmodern things about the outdoor television screen, calling it a “trapped box of doom”.

Bradley comments that the entry/exit door for evictions is a black tunnel and once you go through you cease to exist.

In the kitchen the group point out the shirtless lower income earner (Josh). It’s an honest representation of youth culture.

Ben: There’s a real cave man mentality here. (with a disgusted look on his face)

Later on they find “shirtless man” again in the bathroom showering. Josh doesn’t look very impressed, saying nothing and closing his eyes. They comment on Josh’s yearning to conform with society: “a sad sight”.

A bit later Michael comes to the diary room. He says he hopes Josh doesn’t sook around if Ava is evicted and “kiss a cabbage all day. It’s gotten ridiculous the amount of making out they’ve been doing. I’ve never seen anyone make out as much in my entire life”. Michael acts out a conversation he had with Josh where they started kissing mid-sentence. Michael was thinking “we’re having breakfast here stop eating each other!”

Michael goes on to say he doesn’t understand why Estelle is still in the house because all she does is act weird and not do much else. “I’m in a madhouse!”

Later on Ava asks Estelle how she’s feeling about the eviction. Estelle says she’s been nominated so much it’s become the norm and she only gets anxious in the last few hours. Ava is thinking about it more and she can feel herself pulling away from people.

9.03am – Big Brother is playing The Nutcracker to wake the housemates. Stacey gets up and dance, causing Delilah to get excited and wag her tail before Stacey accidentally bumps into Estelle while dancing.

Big Brother is putting on a talent show and all housemates must participate.

Ava and Josh must compose and perform a song.
Bradley and Angie are magicians (he jokes “I’m going to make you disappear Sunday night, to the laughter of everyone).
Estelle and Zoe are a circus act.
Ben and Stacey are dancers.
Sam and Layla act out the Romeo and Juliet balcony scene.
Michael will be host (the housemates joke it’s because he has no talent)

A bit later Bradley is testing a disappearing act – it’s actually Bradley crawling into the pizza oven. Michael puts the cover over and then grabs Josh to light the oven. Josh gets a shock when he pulls away the oven cover and finds Bradley gawking at him. He’s covered in chimney ash.

Stacey tells Layla the upcoming eviction could be weird for Ava if she goes, because she’s “attached to Josh like a clip on koala, like she hasn’t individualised as such”.

Angie is trying to get an answer from Josh about the Ava’s possible eviction and he deflects it entirely: “it is what it is”. She calls him out on giving blasé answers but then “good for you, bloody hell what can you do some one’s gotta go”. Josh isn’t very responsive.

2.17pm – Angie and Bradley are putting on their magician costumes and beginning to learn their tricks.

Layla is reading her Shakespeare script and asks Sam “what’s a montag?”

“Montage?”

Michael jumps in and figures out it’s “montagues” who are a family in the play. Sam thinks it’s all stupid.

Benjamin are practicing their dances in the bedroom.

Ava and Josh are in the gym coming up with some lyrics for their song. So far it’s:

“Hey Joshie how you been lately?”
“Not bad, what you thinking’ pretty lady”
(then something that rhymes with ‘crazy’, then they change it to ‘Stacey’)

Estelle is struggling to ride a unicycle.

Footage switches to the talent show in the evening.

Ben and Stacey come out first, wearing towels which they drop to reveal skin tight lycra suits (Ben’s is a female bathing suit). They’re dancing with small weightlifting dumbbells like Olivia Newton John’s music video “Lets get Physical”. All the housemates laugh and cheer. They then throw away the dumbbells and hand jive, then a hand stand flip and some more crazy dancing. It ends with some breakdance moves.

6.32pm – The next round of the talent competition is Josh and Ava. They clap the beat and sing. Needless to say it’s pretty terrible. The chorus is “ooooh oooh”.

Next is Layla and Sam. They do a pretty good job of reading their lines (from the script) and Layla is definitely better. The housemates all cheer at the end.

All the while Michael has been hosting between acts. He’s terrible.

Bradley and Angie are up next with their magic tricks. Bradley’s first trick with swapping some dice goes down terribly, but Angie picks up with a great stage presence when she reveals a magic colouring book. The housemates are all very impressed and cheer her.

The next trick involves a member of the audience (Stacey) placing a ball under a cup and Bradley will magically pick the right cup. Bradley picks up two cups and they’re both wrong, then he pushes all the cups off the table. Michael immediately starts laughing and shouting “that was the best, that was the best!” The housemates cheer anyway.

Next is Zoe and Estelle. Estelle announces “check out my wheels” as she “rides” a unicycle (she doesn’t actually ride it, she just walks it around saying “check out my pimped ride”. Zoe then throws a cream pie in Estelle’s face and she falls backwards. Stacey and Ben run to eat some of the pie that has fallen on the floor. The act goes downhill from there, with the audience yelling at them. Estelle then throws a pie in Zoe’s face, and the act ends with them both throwing pies in each other’s faces at the same time. Most of the housemates are looking quite bored.

Michael wraps up the talent show. Later on Angie is attempting to tell the housemates a story, but Bradley keeps interrupting her on purpose to annoy her. Eventually she can continue – the story is about her auditioning for the show, but while she’s talking Stacey comes up behind her and starts mouthing the same words and pulling crazy actions. As soon as Angie realises what’s going on she exclaims “oh.. I’m out!” and walks to the bedroom. Stacey follows her exclaiming “Frank!” (the name given to housemates who are having a tantrum).

Angie tells Stacey that it’s becoming a thing in the house where everyone makes fun of her. Stacey comforts her, and Delilah joins them, wagging her tail.