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Did you stop communicating with them online after the date was made last time?
ok.
Don't be afraid to be yourself - after all you want someone to like you for who you are, and they can only do that if they know who you are
If they don't like that who you are or you don't like who they are they are not someone who is right for you. Better to find that out sooner rather than later.
Don't be afraid to be yourself - after all you want someone to like you for who you are, and they can only do that if they know who you are
If they don't like that who you are or you don't like who they are they are not someone who is right for you. Better to find that out sooner rather than later.
Columbo
Never again
yes, true.
like i wouldn't be the type of person who would send 50,000 messages a day to a date. but i wouldn't like being in a situation where it's like little or no contact once the date has been set up. i know that there are some people who believe you shouldn't talk that much if at all before meeting in case you have nothing to talk about when you go on the date. but i just think if you can't find something to talk about during the date then you are either not trying hard enough or you are just really boring.
like i wouldn't be the type of person who would send 50,000 messages a day to a date. but i wouldn't like being in a situation where it's like little or no contact once the date has been set up. i know that there are some people who believe you shouldn't talk that much if at all before meeting in case you have nothing to talk about when you go on the date. but i just think if you can't find something to talk about during the date then you are either not trying hard enough or you are just really boring.
Columbo
Never again
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/...-you-make-or-maintain-friends-put-in-the-time
Friendship takes time to develop. The more time two people spend together, the more likely they are to be friends. On the other hand, there are people we see regularly but don’t consider friends. So just how many hours of togetherness does it take for an acquaintance to become a friend? Or for a friend rise to the level of best friend? And does it matter what you spend all that time doing? For the first time, there are answers: 50 hours, more than 200 hours, and yes, it does matter.
These answers come from a newly published report(link is external) in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships by Jeffrey Hall(link is external), a professor of communications studies at the University of Kansas. Hall was motivated in part by the work of evolutionary psychologist Robin Dunbar(link is external) of the University of Oxford who theorizes(link is external) that there are layers of friendship—e.g., acquaintances, casual friends, friends and good friends—and that there are cognitive limits to the number of people that we can accommodate in any one layer. Those limits have a mathematical elegance. We usually are closest to no more than five people, call about 15 people good friends and 50 friends. Famously, Dunbar found that 150 is a rough limit on the number of meaningful relationships our brains seem able to manage.
To that idea Hall added his own, the Communicate Bond Belong(link is external) theory, which asserts we all feel an evolutionary need to belong and that both the amount of time and the type of activity shared with a partner are strategic investments to help us meet that need. Previous research by Dunbar, Hall and many others has established that time spent together matters in establishing connection, but no one had actually counted the hours.
Hall set out to quantify the requirements of friendship in two separate studies. The first included 355 adults who had relocated to a new place within the previous six months. Hall asked them to identify someone new they had met. It couldn’t be a family member, romantic interest, or someone they’d known previously. The participants specified where they met this person, how much time they’d spent together the previous week and how much time they spent together in a typical week. They also categorized the person somewhere on the scale from acquaintance to best friend.
In the second study, Hall recruited 112 brand new University of Kansas freshmen and asked them to name two new acquaintances. Then he followed up twice over the first nine weeks of the school year to measure time spent with those new acquaintances and see how the relationships had changed.
The results of both studies confirmed that time spent together was associated with closer friendships. “I was looking for cut off points,” says Hall, “where there was a 50% greater likelihood you switch from acquaintance to casual and from casual to friend, then again from friend to a close friend.” He found that it took about 50 hours of interaction to move from acquaintance to casual friend, about 90 hours to move from casual friend to friend, and more than 200 hours to qualify as a best friend. Those who never got beyond being acquaintances usually had spent no more than 30 hours together—the equivalent perhaps of being in the same class a few hours a week, but not seeing each other outside of the classroom. On the other hand, time together didn’t automatically make two people friends. Some adults reported spending hundreds of hours with colleagues but still called those people acquaintances. Basically, they just didn’t like them very much. Or they had no relationship outside of work.
This takes us to an important point. How people spent their time and what they talked about affected how close they became. “When you spend time joking around, having meaningful conversations, catching up with one another, all of these types of communication episodes contribute to speedier friendship development,” Hall says. As an example, he describes the common situation in which two casual friends bump into each other and one asks the other: What’s been going on in your life? “That action is meaningful because it says that whatever is happening in your life I want to bring into the present in my relationship with you,” says Hall. “Consider how many people you don’t bother to ask. You wander into the office and you say, hey. That’s it.”
The conclusions Hall draws from this work are straightforward, but important. “You have to invest,” he says. Decades of research have shown that friendship is not just one of life’s pleasures, it’s one of life’s necessities. Having friends helps to keep us healthy, both physically and mentally. On the other hand, a lack of social connectedness is as bad for us as smokingor obesity. Yet we don’t always budget our time accordingly, says Hall. “It’s clear that many adults don’t feel they have a lot of time, but these relationships are not going to develop just by wanting them. You have to prioritize time with people.”
rubbish!
Friendship takes time to develop. The more time two people spend together, the more likely they are to be friends. On the other hand, there are people we see regularly but don’t consider friends. So just how many hours of togetherness does it take for an acquaintance to become a friend? Or for a friend rise to the level of best friend? And does it matter what you spend all that time doing? For the first time, there are answers: 50 hours, more than 200 hours, and yes, it does matter.
These answers come from a newly published report(link is external) in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships by Jeffrey Hall(link is external), a professor of communications studies at the University of Kansas. Hall was motivated in part by the work of evolutionary psychologist Robin Dunbar(link is external) of the University of Oxford who theorizes(link is external) that there are layers of friendship—e.g., acquaintances, casual friends, friends and good friends—and that there are cognitive limits to the number of people that we can accommodate in any one layer. Those limits have a mathematical elegance. We usually are closest to no more than five people, call about 15 people good friends and 50 friends. Famously, Dunbar found that 150 is a rough limit on the number of meaningful relationships our brains seem able to manage.
To that idea Hall added his own, the Communicate Bond Belong(link is external) theory, which asserts we all feel an evolutionary need to belong and that both the amount of time and the type of activity shared with a partner are strategic investments to help us meet that need. Previous research by Dunbar, Hall and many others has established that time spent together matters in establishing connection, but no one had actually counted the hours.
Hall set out to quantify the requirements of friendship in two separate studies. The first included 355 adults who had relocated to a new place within the previous six months. Hall asked them to identify someone new they had met. It couldn’t be a family member, romantic interest, or someone they’d known previously. The participants specified where they met this person, how much time they’d spent together the previous week and how much time they spent together in a typical week. They also categorized the person somewhere on the scale from acquaintance to best friend.
In the second study, Hall recruited 112 brand new University of Kansas freshmen and asked them to name two new acquaintances. Then he followed up twice over the first nine weeks of the school year to measure time spent with those new acquaintances and see how the relationships had changed.
The results of both studies confirmed that time spent together was associated with closer friendships. “I was looking for cut off points,” says Hall, “where there was a 50% greater likelihood you switch from acquaintance to casual and from casual to friend, then again from friend to a close friend.” He found that it took about 50 hours of interaction to move from acquaintance to casual friend, about 90 hours to move from casual friend to friend, and more than 200 hours to qualify as a best friend. Those who never got beyond being acquaintances usually had spent no more than 30 hours together—the equivalent perhaps of being in the same class a few hours a week, but not seeing each other outside of the classroom. On the other hand, time together didn’t automatically make two people friends. Some adults reported spending hundreds of hours with colleagues but still called those people acquaintances. Basically, they just didn’t like them very much. Or they had no relationship outside of work.
This takes us to an important point. How people spent their time and what they talked about affected how close they became. “When you spend time joking around, having meaningful conversations, catching up with one another, all of these types of communication episodes contribute to speedier friendship development,” Hall says. As an example, he describes the common situation in which two casual friends bump into each other and one asks the other: What’s been going on in your life? “That action is meaningful because it says that whatever is happening in your life I want to bring into the present in my relationship with you,” says Hall. “Consider how many people you don’t bother to ask. You wander into the office and you say, hey. That’s it.”
The conclusions Hall draws from this work are straightforward, but important. “You have to invest,” he says. Decades of research have shown that friendship is not just one of life’s pleasures, it’s one of life’s necessities. Having friends helps to keep us healthy, both physically and mentally. On the other hand, a lack of social connectedness is as bad for us as smokingor obesity. Yet we don’t always budget our time accordingly, says Hall. “It’s clear that many adults don’t feel they have a lot of time, but these relationships are not going to develop just by wanting them. You have to prioritize time with people.”
rubbish!
Meglos
HAVE A NECTARINE, GONK
The only sensible anagram of reepbot is beer pot.
Columbo
Never again
i would have loved to have gone to this if it wasn't sold out already:
https://www.qso.com.au/azkaban
The Harry Potter Film Concert Series returns to Brisbane Convention and Exhibition Centre with Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban in concert, the third film in the Harry Potter series.
On Saturday 19 May 2018, Queensland Symphony Orchestra will perform the magical score to Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban live while the entire film plays in high-definition on a 12-metre screen.
In Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban, Harry, Ron and Hermione, now teenagers, return for their third year at Hogwarts, where they are forced to face escaped prisoner, Sirius Black, who seems to pose a great threat to Harry. Harry and his friends spend their third year learning how to handle a half-horse, half-eagle creature known as a Hippogriff, repel shape-shifting Boggarts and master the art of Divination.
They also visit the wizarding village of Hogsmeade and the Shrieking Shack, which is considered the most haunted dwelling in Britain. In addition to these new experiences, Harry faces a werewolf and must overcome the threats of the soul-sucking Dementors. With his best friends, Harry masters advanced magic, crosses the barriers of time and changes the course of more than one life.
Earning an Oscar-nomination for the score, the spellbinding and incredible music composed by John Williams became an instant classic, conjuring beautiful, soaring motifs continuing the adventures of Harry Potter on his magical journey.
https://www.qso.com.au/azkaban
The Harry Potter Film Concert Series returns to Brisbane Convention and Exhibition Centre with Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban in concert, the third film in the Harry Potter series.
On Saturday 19 May 2018, Queensland Symphony Orchestra will perform the magical score to Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban live while the entire film plays in high-definition on a 12-metre screen.
In Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban, Harry, Ron and Hermione, now teenagers, return for their third year at Hogwarts, where they are forced to face escaped prisoner, Sirius Black, who seems to pose a great threat to Harry. Harry and his friends spend their third year learning how to handle a half-horse, half-eagle creature known as a Hippogriff, repel shape-shifting Boggarts and master the art of Divination.
They also visit the wizarding village of Hogsmeade and the Shrieking Shack, which is considered the most haunted dwelling in Britain. In addition to these new experiences, Harry faces a werewolf and must overcome the threats of the soul-sucking Dementors. With his best friends, Harry masters advanced magic, crosses the barriers of time and changes the course of more than one life.
Earning an Oscar-nomination for the score, the spellbinding and incredible music composed by John Williams became an instant classic, conjuring beautiful, soaring motifs continuing the adventures of Harry Potter on his magical journey.
Columbo
Never again
What if autism is different for girls?
The brilliant Dr Temperance Brennan of the long running TV forensic crime drama, Bones, is unusual. She has difficulty interacting socially and she’s a woman. These are two characteristics we don’t often see together in popular culture. From Rainman to Dr Sheldon Copper of The Big Bang Theory, personality traits associated with autism and Asperger’s syndrome are usually portrayed in men. In real life, too, autism is diagnosed in many more boys and men, than girls and women.
But, what if autism is not a predominantly male challenge? Recent research suggests we may be overlooking too many girls and women, leaving them undiagnosed and at risk.
This could be because girls are better at "masking" autism traits than boys or because autism presents differently in girls. It could also be because the traditional focus on boys has led to tests skewed towards identifying males on the autism spectrum. It’s probably a combination of all these factors and more. Consequently, today’s ratio of three to four boys for every girl diagnosed may not reflect the real prevalence of autism across genders.
This is important for many reasons. About 230,000 Australian are on the autism spectrum, which means they have a lifelong developmental condition that affects their social communication and social interests and is also associated with restricted or repetitive interests and sensitivities to stimuli, such as loud noises and bright lights. Today, about 1 in 100 young children can expect to be diagnosed with autism, usually between the ages of two and five.
Early diagnosis and intervention gives children and their parents the best chance of accessing professional support services and any necessary adjustments to their education, with lifelong benefits. Conversely, children who are overlooked in early childhood often struggle through school and into adulthood. They know they are different but without personal strategies to cope and adjust - and often faced with relentless expectations to conform and fit in - the challenges of autism can be compounded by extreme anxiety and social isolation. In class, they might be considered disruptive, naughty or uninterested in school. And in the playground, they can be shunned or vulnerable to bullying.
There is an emerging picture of possible differences in the way autism presents in boys and girls. For example, a recent study which included playground observations, found girls with autism were more likely to interact with their peers than boys with autism. Importantly though, the girls’ interactions tended to be very brief, as they flitted between many groups. This means a casual observer may notice boys who are spending time alone, often fixated on a particular toy or activity. Girls with autism, on the other hand, can appear to be social butterflies, leading to an overly positive assessment of their social skills.
Girls might be overlooked, too, when parents describe their behaviour to professionals. A young boy’s fixation on trucks, timetables or Thomas the Tank Engine is likely to raise red flags for professionals familiar with autism. A girl’s fixations on Disney movie characters or horses, by contrast, might be overlooked as just the usual "girly" interests. Researchers have also observed that "masking", that is, observing how others behave and mimicking them, is a strategy more frequently used by females than males with autism.
However, masking is no solution and women who have not been diagnosed until adulthood report the sheer exhaustion and misery of keeping up appearances.
One Aspect client, Eva, was not diagnosed with Asperger’s syndrome until the age of 30; and not until she joined the dots herself and asked for help. Eva says her first hint came from reading The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time. She recognised herself in Christopher, the 15-year-old male protagonist with Asperger’s Syndrome.
At school Eva spent a great deal of time alone and although she tried to make friends, she didn’t understand social protocols. School counsellors also failed to pick up her condition. And, despite an extraordinary memory and a keen interest in many subjects, Eva later abandoned her university studies in science due to difficulties with the bright lights.
"People look at the typical Rainman scenario and look for boys," she says. She believes women and girls can "mask" their discomfort, but even if they look fine, they are struggling on the inside.
Diagnosing autism is not straightforward; it cannot be confirmed via laboratory tests. It involves interviews with clients and family members and observations by specialist who use the latest diagnostic criteria; a kind of autism checklist. But, the criteria evolve as new evidence emerges and it is likely to change again as we learn more about autism in girls and women.
We don’t yet know how many girls and women are being overlooked, or exactly why. But, it is clear we need more focused research to answer these important questions
Today (April 2) is World Autism Awareness Day, and this year the United Nations has called for the empowerment of women and girls with autism. It’s critical those conducting assessments are familiar with the most recent research into how autism presents in women and girls. It is also critical that frontline observers – like parents, early childhood teachers, school teachers, GPs – are made aware of the subtle differences between boys and girls with autism so that they are less likely to overlook the all-important clues.
Vicki Gibbs is a Clinical Psychologist and the National Manager of Research and Assessments at Autism Spectrum Australia (Aspect), Australia’s largest service provider for people on the autism spectrum.
https://www.smh.com.au/lifestyle/he...m-is-different-for-girls-20180327-p4z6hp.html
The brilliant Dr Temperance Brennan of the long running TV forensic crime drama, Bones, is unusual. She has difficulty interacting socially and she’s a woman. These are two characteristics we don’t often see together in popular culture. From Rainman to Dr Sheldon Copper of The Big Bang Theory, personality traits associated with autism and Asperger’s syndrome are usually portrayed in men. In real life, too, autism is diagnosed in many more boys and men, than girls and women.
But, what if autism is not a predominantly male challenge? Recent research suggests we may be overlooking too many girls and women, leaving them undiagnosed and at risk.
This could be because girls are better at "masking" autism traits than boys or because autism presents differently in girls. It could also be because the traditional focus on boys has led to tests skewed towards identifying males on the autism spectrum. It’s probably a combination of all these factors and more. Consequently, today’s ratio of three to four boys for every girl diagnosed may not reflect the real prevalence of autism across genders.
This is important for many reasons. About 230,000 Australian are on the autism spectrum, which means they have a lifelong developmental condition that affects their social communication and social interests and is also associated with restricted or repetitive interests and sensitivities to stimuli, such as loud noises and bright lights. Today, about 1 in 100 young children can expect to be diagnosed with autism, usually between the ages of two and five.
Early diagnosis and intervention gives children and their parents the best chance of accessing professional support services and any necessary adjustments to their education, with lifelong benefits. Conversely, children who are overlooked in early childhood often struggle through school and into adulthood. They know they are different but without personal strategies to cope and adjust - and often faced with relentless expectations to conform and fit in - the challenges of autism can be compounded by extreme anxiety and social isolation. In class, they might be considered disruptive, naughty or uninterested in school. And in the playground, they can be shunned or vulnerable to bullying.
There is an emerging picture of possible differences in the way autism presents in boys and girls. For example, a recent study which included playground observations, found girls with autism were more likely to interact with their peers than boys with autism. Importantly though, the girls’ interactions tended to be very brief, as they flitted between many groups. This means a casual observer may notice boys who are spending time alone, often fixated on a particular toy or activity. Girls with autism, on the other hand, can appear to be social butterflies, leading to an overly positive assessment of their social skills.
Girls might be overlooked, too, when parents describe their behaviour to professionals. A young boy’s fixation on trucks, timetables or Thomas the Tank Engine is likely to raise red flags for professionals familiar with autism. A girl’s fixations on Disney movie characters or horses, by contrast, might be overlooked as just the usual "girly" interests. Researchers have also observed that "masking", that is, observing how others behave and mimicking them, is a strategy more frequently used by females than males with autism.
However, masking is no solution and women who have not been diagnosed until adulthood report the sheer exhaustion and misery of keeping up appearances.
One Aspect client, Eva, was not diagnosed with Asperger’s syndrome until the age of 30; and not until she joined the dots herself and asked for help. Eva says her first hint came from reading The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time. She recognised herself in Christopher, the 15-year-old male protagonist with Asperger’s Syndrome.
At school Eva spent a great deal of time alone and although she tried to make friends, she didn’t understand social protocols. School counsellors also failed to pick up her condition. And, despite an extraordinary memory and a keen interest in many subjects, Eva later abandoned her university studies in science due to difficulties with the bright lights.
"People look at the typical Rainman scenario and look for boys," she says. She believes women and girls can "mask" their discomfort, but even if they look fine, they are struggling on the inside.
Diagnosing autism is not straightforward; it cannot be confirmed via laboratory tests. It involves interviews with clients and family members and observations by specialist who use the latest diagnostic criteria; a kind of autism checklist. But, the criteria evolve as new evidence emerges and it is likely to change again as we learn more about autism in girls and women.
We don’t yet know how many girls and women are being overlooked, or exactly why. But, it is clear we need more focused research to answer these important questions
Today (April 2) is World Autism Awareness Day, and this year the United Nations has called for the empowerment of women and girls with autism. It’s critical those conducting assessments are familiar with the most recent research into how autism presents in women and girls. It is also critical that frontline observers – like parents, early childhood teachers, school teachers, GPs – are made aware of the subtle differences between boys and girls with autism so that they are less likely to overlook the all-important clues.
Vicki Gibbs is a Clinical Psychologist and the National Manager of Research and Assessments at Autism Spectrum Australia (Aspect), Australia’s largest service provider for people on the autism spectrum.
https://www.smh.com.au/lifestyle/he...m-is-different-for-girls-20180327-p4z6hp.html
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