Thanks for such a lovely reply. I am just so happy for you and Mrs Stickyfingers that things are working out so well. And I'm glad you decided to share and that it has helped your wellbeing. People care, and sometimes it's important to hear it. I hope you still keep us up-to-date on your progress.
Mr Nutmeg's father had a stroke a few years ago and I would take him to his rehab sessions, so I know how hard these things can be. That would be why I was so upset for you, because I've seen what a terrible thing it is to endure, and I mean no disrespect by saying this, but also what a personally degrading thing it can be in terms of your sense of self, i.e. one day you're you and the next day you're a different person, a disabled person, with no time to get used to it, just BAM, that's who you are now, and you don't know what the future holds. It is just so hard, especially at the start, before you and your loved ones get to enjoy seeing improvements. So I really felt for you, but now share the joy of your successes. Yay.
It is amazing what the body can do. So keep at it, with your usual good nature, and this will all just be a distant memory one day.
…nutmeg… as with the rest of you wonderful people that have expressed such great words of encouragement… I thank you all so much… it really has helped me so much… as I have already touched upon in my previous posts … when it originally happened I was really down and beaten up… I put on a cheery face for my first post because that’s the way I am but I wasn’t really being fully sincere with you wonderful people… I did it because I felt that it was probably best that I inform you all as to what was going on with me because there’s nothing worse than when somebody suddenly stops posting and then we all speculate as to why they are not posting…
…I then didn’t want it to look like I was doing a ‘look at me!... look at me!’ type of grand standing as I have previously said before… also I didn’t want to sound too down-hearted and beaten up so that it appeared that I was asking for the ‘woe is me!’ sympathy… I had too much respect for you people as posters to go in that direction… but as I said…I did feel the need to tell you what had happened to me…
…as I also touched upon in an earlier post… my opening up to you all was such a hard thing to do because you are exposing your inner emotions and feelings to the world and I am not that type of person usually to have the courage to do that… I am so glad that I did… I felt confident enough within myself to post my ordeal in the end… you are all really great… caring people and I am so grateful for that… I would never had dreamt to do that on any other website that I have ever been on before… there are some very nasty wicked people that would take great delight in kicking you while you were down… the fact that I felt confident enough to tell all of you is both a credit to you all and a credit to this great website… I don’t trust people very easily so it was a big leap of faith on my part I can tell you… but I did it…
You are so correct nutmeg when you said…
That would be why I was so upset for you, because I've seen what a terrible thing it is to endure, and I mean no disrespect by saying this, but also what a personally degrading thing it can be in terms of your sense of self, i.e. one day you're you and the next day you're a different person, a disabled person, with no time to get used to it, just BAM, that's who you are now, and you don't know what the future holds
…I did feel guilty for being in this position on the first night that I was admitted into Hospital… why I did I’m not sure… it wasn’t like I put myself into this situation due to ignoring Doctors advice or for eating the wrong things or for not exercising due to me being lazy… it just happened possibly due to the fact that that my body is over producing something to cause my blood to clot… (at least that is what my Doctors are alluding to at this point in time… until I have further tests I guess they won’t know for sure)… so it seems at this point in time I haven’t caused me to be like this yet I still felt guilty… I did feel degraded… you could say that I felt ashamed of myself… it was embarrassing for myself to be honest with you…I even had a big cry to myself in bed while everyone was sleeping in the other beds that first night… I even thought about just how my beautiful darling wife and family and friends would cope if I had died from my stroke….
>>> a massive reality check right there peoples
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…when the next morning arrived the guys in the other beds started talking to me to find out who I am … why I’m in there etc… I told them that I had a possible stroke kind of thing and that I had absolutely no feelings on my left side… I was feeling so sorry for myself… when they told me their problems it snapped me back into reality on a different level… I realised that there are always people that are a lot worse off than yourself…
…I’ve always had the philosophy that you don’t get mad… you get even… after speaking to them it snapped me back into that philosophy that I’ve always abided by my entire life… I thought…’okay Life… kick me in the guts but I’m going to kick you back you bastard… I’m going to get better for my wife’s sake… nothing on this wonderful Earth is going to stop me… my beautiful wonderful wife needs me in her life… she needs me to be healthy and strong again’… from the moment that I made that decision my recovery began… it was easy going from that point onwards as far as I was concerned…no matter how hard the physical exercises in the Gym… no matter how hard the mental stress I was never going to lose from that point onwards… that probably accounts for my rather rapid recovery I guess…
…I’ve also realised just how big a hole that I would leave in people’s lives around me if I died from this… my wife’s … my family … my friends… perhaps even my cyber family upon this website lol!... (wow!… no more Sticky raves and rants… no more ridiculous Photoshops lol!)… anyhow… moving on… so yeah… (yet another reality check again eh?)… I guess I just took everything around me for granted… I knew that I was important in their lives but never realised just how much… a very humbling experience for me and I am eternally grateful to have the opportunity to get back to where I was and revel again in their love and activities alongside them once again…
…regardless of what has happened to me… I am a very blessed man… I will never take my family and friends for granted again… I will cherish their love and friendship always… I will do whatever it takes to never have this happen to me again… I’ve always loved the life that I have had… and will embrace it to the max even more than I have ever done before…
NOTE:…Oh God!... I have just read what I have been writing… it sounds so ‘preachy preachy’… I was going to edit it like I do all my posts before clicking the ‘reply to thread’ button to sound less so but then thought … no!… that’s what I felt… that’s what was written… honestly and from the heart… Stuffit!... it stays as written… I don’t care if it sounds ‘wishy washy’… sorry about the short novel-length ramblings but I feel good about having said all… well that’s enough about me… moving on…
your attitude makes for a great recovery. i got sliced into my brain. thats done and gone but how you see stuff after can be epic. small hills or mountains.
…Small hills and mountains indeed somebimbo… it’s just time… doing baby steps over time amounts to a lot of steps until you are back to square one but I’m finding that it works and is so worth it!... thanks for the kind words… they are much appreciated…
Mr. S.: you should write a book to help people who are recovering. You are so inspiring. I'm learning from your determination and success. I realize that I can give up too easily or be distracted from my goals.
You could illustrate it too!
Rose711…I have actually written a fantasy book about a mythological creature that befriends a little 4 year old girl that is set in the Blue Mountains… I’ve just began writing the sequel to it while recovering in Hospital in between my having to go to the Gymnasium lol!... I haven’t bothered to try and get the first one published yet but who knows?... one day perhaps… and yes… I’m doing all of the illustrations and artwork for them myself lol!...
…a book about my stroke?… that may not be such a bad idea Rose711… but exposing even more about my inner thoughts and feelings that I have already done on here?... that would take even more courage than I have already been capable of… but who knows?.... maybe… just maybe… when writing a book about a mythological creature it is just your imagination at work…writing about your own personal thoughts and feelings is your inner soul at work… but maybe… just maybe…
…thankyou for posting within here all of you wonderful people…cheers
