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- Thread starter hooleydooley
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How do people say no to Christmas with their families?
I dread it all year. I spend at least $300 on flights every year only to be told I'm "too late" - I arrive at 11am - my family are starting Christmas Lunch, my sister who lives a few minutes down the road doesn't arrive until 1pm - "we need to wait for her". Why do I feel so awful saying I just don't want to attend? Can someone help me to just say no next year and actually enjoy my days of work?
I dread it all year. I spend at least $300 on flights every year only to be told I'm "too late" - I arrive at 11am - my family are starting Christmas Lunch, my sister who lives a few minutes down the road doesn't arrive until 1pm - "we need to wait for her". Why do I feel so awful saying I just don't want to attend? Can someone help me to just say no next year and actually enjoy my days of work?
I don't have the answer to you problem, but this may help
http://www.buzzfeed.com/matwhitehea...n-in-2015?bffb&utm_term=.vg9dQ1ew0#.grQDoln5r
Well played!
hooleydooley
Well-Known Member
LOL - Move to Perth, or miss your 'unbooked flight' - JOKING
I have a photo of my Family one Christmas, and we all looked so miserable we were all so Bored!
I think it is more about the HAVING to be there, than looking forward to and wanting to be there. The older I get, the more I think there is so much pressure put on Family to BE THERE!
Maybe just give advanced notice, when you arrive that you want to enjoy the Day without any angst, because you won't be able to come Next Year. If they ask why, well you could say something like it's a suprise ......... or I am treating myself to a special holiday, as a Pressie to myself because I really need it! Give them heaps of notice - 1 year should be enough !! Maybe taking one year off Christmas might make them appreciate the effort you put in to attend, when you are not there to share your presence (and presants)
I feel for you, not a good situation to be in
Mum: Delcan, what time will you be coming for Christmas lunch?
Delcan: sorry Mum, this year I have decided take a rain check on our family Christmas dinner. I want to help my local soup kitchen serve up meals to the homeless/have dinner with friends/drink wine alone. It is something I have always wanted to do, and this year I am going honour me, and what I want. I hope you understand, and I hope you have a great day.
Easy peesy.
You control your life choices.
kxk
SAPIOSEXUAL
Hi Delcan - train your family. Eventually the forget about you.
The younger you begin the better, as teens, we got blind drunk at carols Christmas eve. and everyone avoided us next day, we sat morose eating. The older we got, stay out all night, just turn up for lunch.
Or - you can get a god bug, and pretend you are too holy for celebrations, hide somewhere - beach & pretend you are at church, you can do this any age.
Then - you have to work on christmas day, and if you don't do anything that could be remotely called upon then you do the charity thing or I won a prize.
You actually volunteer, or pretend to; or you win a trip to New York or pretend to.
Plus - why don't you just go to the tardy sister's place and arrive with her?
Cheers, Dad eventually began inviting strangers to dine in the hope we would not fight.
One of my sister always ended up under the table sulking.
Fiona
Well-Known Member
I'm working on Christmas Day until 330pm and will then drive about 1.5 hours to get to my sister's where my family will. By the time I get there I will be tired, irritable and not looking forward to the lesser of the two celebrations. I say that as the main present opening and meal is in the morning and at lunchtime. I always feel as if I'm getting the consolation festivity and meal, although I've told Dad to keep some duck and prawns for me. Mum and Dad will probably have been down there since the 24th. I will feel like an intruder which I feel bad about and annoyed by.
shaydee
Turn it up!
All good advice from everyone. I have none really but I will wish you good luck in trying to get out of it. I know myself that all I ever wanted when I was younger (late teens/20's), was to go away somewhere at Christmas... or at least pretend. My folks are in their 80's so time is limited with them now. Plus one aspect of Christmas has changed. I just refuse to spend it at my narcissistic aunties house anymore... that was tough as we've done it since we came to Australia but a few years ago I decided enough was enough. No more. Christmas has been a lot more enjoyable since then.
Hope it works out for you @delcan
x
Hope it works out for you @delcan
x
kxk
SAPIOSEXUAL
Can't you pretend to work all day??? @Khun Khun
I lived so far away from family for so long I got used to having fun at Christmas, and now refuse to be obligated into crap.
Do this with your obligations - public space get together, then you can leave more easily
I lived so far away from family for so long I got used to having fun at Christmas, and now refuse to be obligated into crap.
Do this with your obligations - public space get together, then you can leave more easily
So just don't. Reads like you feel unappreciated, so just do your own thing and let them speculate. Don't give them power over you.
Thanks guys - lots of great ideas. As a few of you have touched on, a lot of it is the guilt factor that they'll get upset or something will happen to one of them and I will regret not going. I can't even bloody drink when I'm there. I think the idea of prepping them for not coming next year is a good idea @hooleydooley.
In the early 90s I worked at Telecom NZ as an operator at the international exchange in Auckland. Being the busiest day of the year (actually two days due to time zones) I had the perfect excuse to avoid family Christmas, as the entire staff were rostered on.
It's funny to think back to that time, there were only a limited number of lines between AU and NZ and if they were all being used you could not get through. No such problems today!
Times change and my Dad is having a milestone birthday next year so I am going to visit, along with my five siblings. It'll be the first time all six of us kids have been together in about 30 years. The birthday thing will be big with lots of other people there, and while I'm not keen on socialising with large groups I'm putting myself out there for my Dad and family.
It's funny to think back to that time, there were only a limited number of lines between AU and NZ and if they were all being used you could not get through. No such problems today!
Times change and my Dad is having a milestone birthday next year so I am going to visit, along with my five siblings. It'll be the first time all six of us kids have been together in about 30 years. The birthday thing will be big with lots of other people there, and while I'm not keen on socialising with large groups I'm putting myself out there for my Dad and family.
Mooseface
Little known member
Just do it delcan. I just told people I wanted to do something different/needed a 'year off' (so not suggesting forever/every time, just once/occasionally). If you have any Jewish friends they could also be an 'excuse'. My family coped. I just went along as per usual the next year. But one year I went to see a movie with friends. Which was low low low stress and actually fun. It is your life and you get to write (most of) the script. And as far as we know we actually only get the one official go at life (possibly we come back as a donkey or rock or Chinese diplomat, or... but... assuming we DONT, then it doesn't make sense to do a bunch of things that actually make no ones life any richer, including our own....
Witty Banter
I see brinkpeople.
Prepare early by picking a fight with your least favourite sibling's partner during the year and declaring it a moral boycott.
I sooo remember that phone line thing ... My first year here I came from Melbourne up to Sydney by bus overnight on Christmas Eve ... The usual pit stops were closed so whenever we DID stop it took ages ... Then also I had no idea Mel-Syd via Canberra added hours onto the trip ... Finally pulled into Central (guessing that's where because this is 1981 ... Long time ago ... Friends of my big sister picked me up and took me to their place at Coogee. I was so tired and homesick ... 19 and first Christmas away from home ... Couldn't get through ... Gave up and went to have a sleep ... Mum finally got through and I was so tired and overwrought she couldn't understand anything I said lol
Had to call the next day and have a real talk
In the end we've said no to driving up to Central NSW on 24th and back on 26th ... Son flying out to Turkey on 27th was used as excuse but in truth we didn't want to go after sister in law told us it was too much work for us to stay in cottage on her property
I got the shits over it because we leave it as we find it and always contribute to Christmas... Plus we've had Christmas at our place for most of the last 6 or 7 years and I've never pulled the martyr card... (I love Christmas and would happily still have it here every year but inlaws moved to aged care facility up near their daughter so it is what it is). ...So her saying we are too much work was it for us. Husband already was over the idea. So he broke the news.
I think in the end its more important to stay in touch and visit when it's a more relaxing and enjoyable time for you ... If we have to turn up and feel resentful doing it we're short hanging everyone involved ... If they want to sulk and be angry that's on them ... When it boils down to it why put ourselves through crap to travel for hours for a lunch/dinner when people will only gripe and moan ... Bah humbug to them I say!
Let your family know you won't be able to make it next year. Do it calmly and matter of factly. Tell them it is extremely stressful for you and wouldn't they rather you visit at another time and all get together without all the stress involved and just have a relaxing happy visit .. Presented reasonably they can't argue and if they try to lay guilt on you ... Well I'm just reminding myself of the great phrase I learnt recently "not my circus ... Not my monkeys". I love it!
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