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R U OK?

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Inigo Montoya said:
I'm OK, actually I've never been better, but my sister is not doing so well. After my mum went missing my sister started thinking more deeply about her life and came to the conclusion that she should break up with her partner (together 8 years 2 kids together). He has not worked since they had been together and was abusing the worst drug out there (off it though for the past 2 years). So he moved out and away, but at the same time begging for her to have him back. Sisters basically wanted to be on her own for a bit and was hoping that partner was going to sort his life out... Get a job etc etc... And then eventually get back together... Fast forward 7 or so weeks and partner has meet a new girl, and has changed his mind and has said the he and my sister will never get back together .... Sister is devastated, this weekend is the one year anniversary of her car accident where she almosylt died ( said to me on the phone balling her eyes out the other day that she wished she had never woken up from her accident)... I think it has finally hit her that she is now a single mother living far away from the rest of her family with 2 children and a job and house to manage...
I am going down to her place this friday, just to be with her and try to support her... I can't go during the week (TAFE) and unfortunately I had to cancel my Friday and Saturday shift's to be able to go (very understanding boss). How do I help her in those 2 days? Like I've already told her to quit smoking the pot and cigarettes, told her she needs to eat more healthy foods... I do feel that if she did those things she would save so much money, be healthier and a lot more happy... But she won't listen to me in regards to those things.... What else can I do to help her? Also right now is a pivotal moment in my life... I really had the best day today... Meet up with a few girls from TAFE for study... Am loving studying at TAFE, work is great ( best boss I've ever had) and am just basically making the most of every minute... This sounds harsh, but I do not have the time or energy to be constantly traveling down the coast to make sure my sister is OK and thinking about her situation is really stressing me out... I sound so selfish, but it is true... Also it's very hard to listen to her talk about her problems, when all I want to do is talk about how happy I am compared to this time last year...
People I really need some advice from the wise posters on here....
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Oh dear.

First of all, I am so happy things are working out for you! You've worked so hard and you deserve it. I don't think you are being selfish at all. Actually, you are being amazing listening to her and moving around your schedule to spend time with her. I think you are doing all you can just listening. I kinda feel, judging by what you have written, she might not be ready to hear anything just yet. To me, it's obvious she is better off without the drop kick and hopefully she will realise that sooner rather than later.

In honesty,she probably needs to talk to someone professional. Her GP can put together a plan for psychology sessions that are funded by the government. There might be local organisations that can help her as well (being a single mother)
 
Don't really know what to say, but I'm sorry for your loss @KIK , I hope that putting what happened into words somehow helps with your healing process. I can't imagine how much you're hurting right now but there are people here who care, me included.

Glad you're doing well personally @Inigo Montoya
Sounds like you are great support to your sister too, best of luck with that.
 
Inigo, continue to support your sister but don't forget to keep your life going too. You are in a good place and must keep it there. I understand how stressing it's getting not having energy to devote to someone else and listen to their issues, when they don't appear to be interested in your life at all. Hang in there but definitely look into outside help for your sister as Meglos says.
 
delcan said:
Oh dear.

First of all, I am so happy things are working out for you! You've worked so hard and you deserve it. I don't think you are being selfish at all. Actually, you are being amazing listening to her and moving around your schedule to spend time with her. I think you are doing all you can just listening. I kinda feel, judging by what you have written, she might not be ready to hear anything just yet. To me, it's obvious she is better off without the drop kick and hopefully she will realise that sooner rather than later.

In honesty,she probably needs to talk to someone professional. Her GP can put together a plan for psychology sessions that are funded by the government. There might be local organisations that can help her as well (being a single mother)
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She has seen a doctor and there is talk of her going on antidepressants... So I guess there is that...tonight when I get home I am going to goggle charities around her area to see if there is anything down there that can help her. Thanks her the help delcan :)
 
Meglos said:
Don't really know what to say, but I'm sorry for your loss @KIK , I hope that putting what happened into words somehow helps with your healing process. I can't imagine how much you're hurting right now but there are people here who care, me included.

Glad you're doing well personally @Inigo Montoya
Sounds like you are great support to your sister too, best of luck with that.
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Khun Khun said:
Inigo, continue to support your sister but don't forget to keep your life going too. You are in a good place and must keep it there. I understand how stressing it's getting not having energy to devote to someone else and listen to their issues, when they don't appear to be interested in your life at all. Hang in there but definitely look into outside help for your sister as Meglos says.
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Thanks ladies. Xx

KIK said:
Thanks to all.
And @Inigo Montoya - kind of awkward timing there, sorry to hear about your sister.
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Its all good, don't even worry about it and I'm sorry about your loss.
 
Sorry for your loss @KIK - I know there isn't really anything I could say that would help but please know that I am really sorry and I am thinking of you. I'm glad at least some of your family is providing comfort right now, hopefully you can find it in other people/places too.

@Inigo Montoya - sorry for all that you are going through. On the one hand it's great that you are feeling so happy in your life and also that you are being so concerned about your sister, but it's so easy to let other people's problems consume you and you do not deserve that.

It's nice that you want to be there for her and you should be, but don't let that responsibility fall solely on you. Are there other people she can talk to? Things will get better, she is better off without him by the sounds of things and she'll eventually realise this, but it's a huge adjustment period in the interim.

You are on the right track and the fact that she is talking to doctors etc is a good sign. Just let her know you are there for her so she feels supported. I actually think the distance works in your favour here, you can talk on the phone and text but she will have to accept you can't physically be there for her 24/7.

Take care.
 
KIK said:
Thank you everyone for your kind thoughts, wishes, I am doing a bit better by being in denial!

I find it hard to say.
I lost my younger brother & soul mate suddenly, and just wanted to curl up in a ball and hide.
Mostly my family sucks, except for the next generation, those kids held me up to do the eulogy & give me hope - for a lot of my family are horrid, no idea why the creepy people came.
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I'm so sorry to hear about this, KIK. It's truly awful to lose someone that you love. It's okay to cry and talk about it, and it's also okay to cry and hide away. My heart goes out to you.

xxx
 
KIK said:
Denial - that is how I am functioning right now, otherwise I start having panic attacks......denial,
but my whole childhood flashes before me sometimes...when we were so little we thought there were tiny people in the TV & radio.
I love him.
Thank you @Jam
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You'll always love him and that is a great thing. xxx
 
KIK said:
Denial - that is how I am functioning right now, otherwise I start having panic attacks......denial,
but my whole childhood flashes before me sometimes...when we were so little we thought there were tiny people in the TV & radio.
I love him.
Thank you @Jam
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Hang in there, KIK. Be kind to yourself and seek out the people who will be the same. X
 
It is hard to know how to deal with the loss of someone you love - it sorta keeps me alive ATM ...........

I really hope you are OK @KIK - and maybe know that there was nothing you could have done to change the situation ......

We all have to Die, at some stage - a Reality we have to accept.

Sooner than later, what is best, that is the Question ....

I really like to think we all meet up for a big party, when the time comes ........

What else is there to think about? There is no proof - for whatever comes after we pass - I find it better to think of beautiful times and remeeting - when our time comes

Love Sent xxxxxxxxxx
 
Thanks @hooleydooley for your kind thoughts, I am struggling to be anything but in denial most days, he was very ill for the last 5 years, my sister and I shared his care - and this was not supposed to happen, life changing op scheduled, and he was happy.
For all he was suffering - he never, ever complained.

But I came here to ask - are you OK, for you appear to have lost someone dear to you, wishing you well.
And to wish everyone well in real life, @Jam , @Inigo Montoya, anyone and everyone struggling with real world stuff and like me here for distraction, heart still breaking.
 
So sorry for your loss @KIK. Loved ones can make a heart so happy and the loss of them leaves such heart ache. Hopefully your memories of good times will leave smiles in your heart always xx
 
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@KIK I'm so sorry to read about the loss of your brother. Heartbreaking. I've had 2 major losses in my life & they rocked me to my core. At the time it's hard to comprehend that the world keeps on turning & people are still living their lives & you're just in this awful place where nothing feels like it will ever be the same. It's all still so very new for you & I hope you are looking after yourself. Huge hugs xXxXxXxXx
 
Than you, I have to come here, I am the one leaned on, and I need to lean myself.
I am shattered inside and being tough outside for fragile ones. So don't think I am nuts trying to deny it all a lot, other wise I have panic attacks.
I am very worried about my sister, she blames herself, he was with her.
Miss him so much, we never had to explain, we just got each other, and had done so much growing up hand in hand.

Hug people you love, a lot.
Going for some hugs right now :)
 
I hear that! My parents are just in their 80's so when my brother passed it was up to me to step up & be the strong one. You just gotta do what you need to do. There's no rules. You cope with it the best way you know how... until you feel that you can stop, breathe & maybe let some grief out. Then you pick yourself up and do it all over again. I think it's very natural for people to feel guilty. Our first instinct is to protect our family & the fact your sister was with him must make her feel like she's failed. An awful thing for her to feel but a common feeling when someone dies. Maybe when things settle down a little (hard to think that will ever happen, but it will) it might help if your sister went to get some grief counselling. We are very ill prepared for death & even if someone has been sick & we know they will pass, it's still such a massive shock when they do. It brings out all sorts of feelings that we don't know how to cope with because it's not something we talk about freely as a society.

Sorry.. I do tend to dish out unsolicited advice & can waffle on and I hope you don't think i'm being preachy or annoying.

x
 
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