…
today I:…had a magnificent epic death defying full on battle with… a
mosquito!!!!… I’ll set the death defying scenario up for you… there I was… transferring myself from my wheelchair to my disabled toilet so as to peacefully sit and have a pee and think of third world problems and of how to bring complete peace to the world as you do…
BUT!…
…during the process of transferral from said wheelchair to said toilet via holding on and swingling around by a hang rail bar installed on my wall… my ever eagle-sharp eyes noticed a dirty… filthy… evil… dangerous
MOSQUITO flying against my bathroom mirror… (whether he was trying to mate with himself or was just admiring his magnificence of himself is a moot point at the moment)… but he saw me as his next meal ticket (I could tell by the glint in it’s beady insect eyes)…
… I decided in that split second of mid transferral while swinging on the bar… “it’s me or him… one of us has to die!”…
…whilst sitting on the toilet seat I looked… for weaponry to take this evil monster out… I soon realised… there was
NO FLY SPRAY anywhere around to begin my epic death battle with!…
WHAT AM I TO DO?… I could see that my evil adversary had decided to make a b-line for me in order to perform his Vampiric mission and to viscously drain me of my precious blood!…
…
…but I wasn’t taking this lying down… I kept a cool head and didn’t panic even though I was at his mercy being the poor innocent invalid wheelchair confined Pensioner that I happened to be… after all the years of watching my late great father in action battling flies / spiders / cockroaches and mosquitoes etc in the past… with nothing more than a can of fly spray (even the old push spray kind in the 60’s)… and his bare hands I have witnessed many… many epic battles… so not forgetting my dad’s training and knowledge of taking them all down…
…I did not panic and nice and casually surveyed the scene around me… the drawers beside me consisted of my shaver / toothpaste / various creams and lotions of certain types… the usual stuff etc… hardly anything to go into battle with… the mosquito was on it’s way!…
…still not panicking (with wise words from my late dad still flowing through my head)… I noticed over my left shoulder… a can of ‘Glen20 all purpose air freshener ’!… with razor sharp reflexes honed from many years of training from my dad I immediately grabbed the can and in one glorious move I aligned the nozzle for maximum effect and let loose my volley at it and got it in a full frontal assault in it’s ugly… horrible… evil… destructive face!!!!…
…it didn’t know what hit it!… it went down quicker than a Russian Helicopter in the Ukraine… then it was lying there on the bathroom floor in front of me… it lost!… my years of training from my dad had come to fruition!… thanks dad… when I had finished my pee I put the ‘Glen20 all purpose air freshener’ back in it’s place with a wry grin on my face… then I transferred back to my wheelchair… and after having washed my hands I turned around my wheelchair to leave the bathroom and then ‘accidentally’ squashed the corpse with my right-hand front wheel of my trusty wheelchair adding even more humiliation to my vanquished foe!…
SUCKED IN MOZZIE!… (with using the Glen20 all purpose air freshener at least the mozzie left behind a good smelling corpse!)…and there my epic battle ended… myself as the victor!… lol!… cheers.
….PS:… I’m considering writing a ballad called ‘Major Mozzie Takedown’ to honour my fantabulous epic battle… but I won’t use my real name of ‘Mr Stickyfingers’… I might use ‘Mr Stickyflypaper’ instead… (I’d like to keep my anonymity after all)…
