Hahahahaha! Yes I can imagine that!
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The Bachelor Australia 2015
- Thread starter Untitled-Typo
- Start date
Hahahahaha! Yes I can imagine that!
Columbo
Never again
Who is the bachelor? Who id he really? We ask him as he climbs onyo hid robot drsgon anf fights thr rock overlords. The dances dance no more. His sword cuts the moon. Cheese rains doen beloe. Oh the peolle dance with joy as thry eat the cheesr. So much chese for them all.
14
14
Meglos
HAVE A NECTARINE, GONK
39m
296likes
kiis1065
1h
311likes
kiis1065
1h
178likes
296likes
- danandmazWe just radio married*#TheBachelorAU's@samjameswood&@snezanamarkoskiand it was the most beautiful moment ever. These two are so cute!!
video coming soon! *Marriage probs not legally binding.
** Cheers to@flowersforeveryoneaustralia&@sweetart_official
kiis1065
1h
311likes
- kiis1065Aww they are so cute together! We love them! #Samzana#TheBachelorAU@thebachelorau
kiis1065
1h
178likes
- kiis1065It's definitely LOVE! There's some hand holding going on under the table! #KIIS1065#TheBachelorAU@thebachelorau
samjameswood
2h
3,090likes
- samjameswood@luyamielquotes; "match made in heaven". You really nailed this.
emilysbeautyspot
8h
640likes
- emilysbeautyspotWooo! What a year so far! This has by far been the craziest experience I've had. I will forever be grateful and never regretful for deciding to enter the crazy fantasy world that was The Bachelor. I have met some of the most amazing women out of this experience. We have laughed our arses off and cried our eyes out together. We've had the highest of the highs and lowest of the lows together. I've learnt the depths my friends and family will go to, to support me and try to protect me. It's truly been such a humbling experience to know how much my loved ones, and even people I haven't spoken to in years, will rally around me and be there for me, when they know I've needed it most. I am grateful to each and every message of love and support, not just from the people that know me, but also from the public who were smart enough to see through the bullshit. I can't express how much I appreciate it. I'm proud of the person I am. The haters that tried to bring me down, haven't succeeded. I will always stand up for myself, for my loved ones and for what I believe in, no matter what. And to@becchin, girl you've been my rock throughout this whole thing, and I'm glad I've been yours. Your friendship means the world to me and I am so blessed to have met you. Byebye Bachie world! Now it's springtime, which means it's party time! Can't wait for what's to come! #nomoreroses#thebachelorau#bachiettes#teambecem#wefoundlove
emilysbeautyspot
8h
640likes
- emilysbeautyspotWooo! What a year so far! This has by far been the craziest experience I've had. I will forever be grateful and never regretful for deciding to enter the crazy fantasy world that was The Bachelor. I have met some of the most amazing women out of this experience. We have laughed our arses off and cried our eyes out together. We've had the highest of the highs and lowest of the lows together. I've learnt the depths my friends and family will go to, to support me and try to protect me. It's truly been such a humbling experience to know how much my loved ones, and even people I haven't spoken to in years, will rally around me and be there for me, when they know I've needed it most. I am grateful to each and every message of love and support, not just from the people that know me, but also from the public who were smart enough to see through the bullshit. I can't express how much I appreciate it. I'm proud of the person I am. The haters that tried to bring me down, haven't succeeded. I will always stand up for myself, for my loved ones and for what I believe in, no matter what. And to@becchin, girl you've been my rock throughout this whole thing, and I'm glad I've been yours. Your friendship means the world to me and I am so blessed to have met you. Byebye Bachie world! Now it's springtime, which means it's party time! Can't wait for what's to come! #nomoreroses#thebachelorau#bachiettes#teambecem#wefoundlove
Translation: "I'm still very much pissed off".
FatPants
Dogs are the best people
I agree with this. Long distance will keep them in the romantic bubble for a while and keep everything exciting with the whole absence makes the heart grow fonder thing. They won't have to face the reality of each others lives and the obstacle of trying to mesh them together. Sam gets to stay career focused as well.
I wonder how often they are going to actually see each other? There is going to be a lot of money spent on plane flights.
FatPants
Dogs are the best people
13 likes
58m
- tahneeraineEveryone is talking about it #thebachelorau#couldnotpaymetowearthatring#zamels#happyfriday
FatPants
Dogs are the best people
The Bachelor Australia 2015: Why Snezana was always going to win Sam's heart
Date
September 18, 2015 - 6:28AM
Ebony Bowden
Entertainment reporter
While Bachelor Sam Wood had connections with many women in the house, some could argue he was always going to end up with gorgeous single mother Snezana Markoski.
Despite the personal trainer falling head over heels with runner-up Lana Jeavons-Fellows, many key moments throughout the season were easy giveaways that Snezana 'the one'.
Bachelor Sam Wood and his new lady love, Snezana Markoski. Photo: Channel Ten
Join us on this trip down Bachelor memory lane.
Their romantic first date
While Sam and Snezana had an undeniable physical attraction when they first met, it was during their romantic first date that sparks really flew.
Sam had already been on solo dates with other girls, but it was Snezana he first kissed after an early morning hot air baloon ride.
The pair couldn't get enough of each other as they canoodled, their chemistry clearly off the chart.
Sam kissing Snezana in front of the other girls
During one particular cocktail party, the personal trainer kissed Snezana in the full view of other girls - another giveaway as to her short odds.
The other girls saw green after witnessing the low-key, very couple-like goodbye kiss, and grilled the smug Snezana.
"Why did he just go for that in front of all of us then?" Jasmin asked.
Because he loves her, Jasmin! Aren't you going home at the end of this episode?
Their stolen kiss during a group date
These two honestly couldn't get enough of each other, and Sam frequently stole Snezana away during group dates.
During a date in the country, Sam grabbed Snezana before telling her what an amazing connection they had and planting a passionate kiss on her.
He confessed he couldn't wait to see her when they were apart, despite being surrounded by a handful of other beautiful women.
Sam meeting Snezana's daughter, Eve
Things really started to get serious when Snezana bought Sam home to Perth to meet her family and nine-year-old daughter, Eve.
Sam was clearly a natural with the gregarious Eve, having worked with kids for a living, but it was his reaction to seeing Snezana reunited with her daughter that gave the game away.
'It's something I will never forget," he admitted.
Their second last date
Sam's feelings for Snezana became even more obvious when he planned dates for the final three girls, and organised the far superior date for Snezana.
Sarah was treated to a horse and carriage ride with afternoon tea, while Lana got a seaplane ride and a romp in a pool.
Snezana? A ride in a Lamborghini, a new dress and a private ballet performance at the Sydney Opera House.
Game over.
Telling Sam she loved him
In the finale episode, Snezana had a 50 per cent chance of walking away with Sam's heart, but when she told him she loved him, he was putty in her hands.
The look on his face as the beautiful brunette said she had fallen for him was one of pure joy and relief.
The rest, as they say, is history.
Read more: http://www.smh.com.au/entertainment...sams-heart-20150918-gjpco1.html#ixzz3m2TVJ2kc
Follow us: @smh on Twitter | sydneymorningherald on Facebook
Date
September 18, 2015 - 6:28AM
Ebony Bowden
Entertainment reporter
While Bachelor Sam Wood had connections with many women in the house, some could argue he was always going to end up with gorgeous single mother Snezana Markoski.
Despite the personal trainer falling head over heels with runner-up Lana Jeavons-Fellows, many key moments throughout the season were easy giveaways that Snezana 'the one'.
Bachelor Sam Wood and his new lady love, Snezana Markoski. Photo: Channel Ten
Join us on this trip down Bachelor memory lane.
Their romantic first date
While Sam and Snezana had an undeniable physical attraction when they first met, it was during their romantic first date that sparks really flew.
Sam had already been on solo dates with other girls, but it was Snezana he first kissed after an early morning hot air baloon ride.
The pair couldn't get enough of each other as they canoodled, their chemistry clearly off the chart.
Sam kissing Snezana in front of the other girls
During one particular cocktail party, the personal trainer kissed Snezana in the full view of other girls - another giveaway as to her short odds.
The other girls saw green after witnessing the low-key, very couple-like goodbye kiss, and grilled the smug Snezana.
"Why did he just go for that in front of all of us then?" Jasmin asked.
Because he loves her, Jasmin! Aren't you going home at the end of this episode?
Their stolen kiss during a group date
These two honestly couldn't get enough of each other, and Sam frequently stole Snezana away during group dates.
During a date in the country, Sam grabbed Snezana before telling her what an amazing connection they had and planting a passionate kiss on her.
He confessed he couldn't wait to see her when they were apart, despite being surrounded by a handful of other beautiful women.
Sam meeting Snezana's daughter, Eve
Things really started to get serious when Snezana bought Sam home to Perth to meet her family and nine-year-old daughter, Eve.
Sam was clearly a natural with the gregarious Eve, having worked with kids for a living, but it was his reaction to seeing Snezana reunited with her daughter that gave the game away.
'It's something I will never forget," he admitted.
Their second last date
Sam's feelings for Snezana became even more obvious when he planned dates for the final three girls, and organised the far superior date for Snezana.
Sarah was treated to a horse and carriage ride with afternoon tea, while Lana got a seaplane ride and a romp in a pool.
Snezana? A ride in a Lamborghini, a new dress and a private ballet performance at the Sydney Opera House.
Game over.
Telling Sam she loved him
In the finale episode, Snezana had a 50 per cent chance of walking away with Sam's heart, but when she told him she loved him, he was putty in her hands.
The look on his face as the beautiful brunette said she had fallen for him was one of pure joy and relief.
The rest, as they say, is history.
Read more: http://www.smh.com.au/entertainment...sams-heart-20150918-gjpco1.html#ixzz3m2TVJ2kc
Follow us: @smh on Twitter | sydneymorningherald on Facebook
Melore
Tiny Member
Awww, Reepbot. This post will live forever. I love that you still managed your 14.
FatPants
Dogs are the best people
We're just having good practice': Amorous Sam Wood and Snezana Markoski say they aren't ready for more children - as The Bachelor couple reveal being forced into long distance love by her ex-husband
By Jennifer Smith For Daily Mail Australia
Published: 22:47 EST, 17 September 2015 | Updated: 23:53 EST, 17 September 2015
By Jennifer Smith For Daily Mail Australia
Published: 22:47 EST, 17 September 2015 | Updated: 23:53 EST, 17 September 2015
- They shared more than a few passionate moments during their time on The Bachelor.
And as Sam Wood and Snezana Markoski declared their love for each other on Thursday's finale, the couple were barely able to keep their hands to themselves.
Now able to share their romance publicly, it seems the couple are still every bit as in love - and lust.
Scroll down for video
+5
In lust: Sam Wood and Snezana said while they aren't quite ready to add any more children to their family, they are having fun 'practising'
Telling news.com that the couple aren't quite ready to add any more children to their family, Sam cheekily confessed: 'We’re just having good practice at the moment.'
By choosing Snezana as his love, Sam immediately becomes a step-father to her nine-year-old daughter Eve.
Excited by the prospect of looking after the youngster, he told her 34-year-old mother in Thursday's final: 'You make me a better man, I want to spoil you and I want to look after you forever and I totally understand that it doesn’t just mean looking after you.
+5
Amorous: The pair were barely able to keep their hands off each other in the season finale on Thursday
+5
Family: Snezana already has a daughter with her former husband. Sam met the youngster during the show
'I know it means looking after Eve. I know it was Eve who made you come on to this, who pushed you, and I will be forever in her debt so I got her a little something for you to give to her.'
However the Macedonian beauty revealed she has been unable to follow her heart to Sam's native Melbourne because her child's father remains on the other side of the country.
Jason Rapoff, her former husband and Eve's father, previously said the brunette was 'dreaming' if she thought he would allow her to move the nine-year-old to Melbourne.
+5
Chemistry: Snezana was a favourite to win the show from the beginning after connecting with Sam straight away
Now forced into a long distance relationship with Sam, she told news.com that the issue would have to be dealt with further down the line.
'I don’t think any dad would want their child to move anywhere,' she added.
Snezana and Eve's father were married for only a year when the pair split with Eve just two months old.
+5
History: Eve's father Jason Rapoff said Snezana was 'dreaming' if she thought about moving their daughter to Melbourne
Mr Rapoff later descended into drug addiction following a motor bike accident which left him paraplegic.
Speaking of the tragedy, he said: 'I didn't cope very well and went into a downhill spiral and pushed all of my loved ones away.'
Mr Rapoff later served two jail sentences for drug-related offences.
Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbi...g-distance-love-ex-husband.html#ixzz3m2UpvDpV
Follow us: @MailOnline on Twitter | DailyMail on Facebook
The Bachelor leaves Lana shattered
.jpg?Image=%2fs3%2fdigital-cougar-assets%2ftv-week-logie-awards%2f2015%2f09%2f17%2f15853%2fattachment-(1).jpg&Width=474&Constrain=True&AllowUpSizing=False)
It may have seemed like she took her break up with Sam Wood well but inside Lana Jeavons-Fellow is broken.
When TV WEEK spoke to Lana today she could hardly speak for crying.
The 27-year-old beauty was almost inconsolable as she began to talk about the events of The Bachelor finale.
As Sam, 35, and Snezana Markoski, 34, celebrate their love, spare a thought for the other woman.
“I got my heart broken,” she said through tears.
Reflecting on the moment Sam broke the news to her, a fragile Lana could hardly remember a word she said.
“I don’t even know what I said. I was just in shock,” she explained.
“As soon as he said that a wall went up and I didn’t even emotionally engage.
“It was that first bit of shock and when he said, ‘Do you have anything to say’ and I said, ‘No’, I’m just in shock. I think everything had been said.”
When questioned about Lana, Sam said there was “never that same spark” that he had with Snezana.
“She’s an incredible girl,” Sam revealed to TV WEEK. “She’s really engaging and smart, beautiful and so easy to get along with she just wasn’t the right girl for me.”
When asked if the communications advisor was planning to watch the finale she said, “no, I don’t think so”.
“I think there might be people coming over but I’m not even replying to messages anymore. I can’t do the whole communication thing right now.”
Luckily for Lana, her sister Erin arrived home from Germany to help her through the fallout.
“It’s hard,” she said.
“I think when you break up in the real world you break up and you start to move forward.
“But there was just this cloud looming where I was like, ‘Shit’s just going to get so much worse’.
“I couldn’t even tell my friends what happened. They’ll watch it on television.”
Being in the final two, Lana – who is best friends with former Miss Universe Australia Laura Dundovic – said it’s made it impossible for her to date since the show wrapped.
“If I did it would give everything away,” she reasoned.
As for moving on now, Lana isn’t sure she’s ready to start seeing someone else just yet.
“It took me a year to get over my last boyfriend,” she reflected.
“But I’m a sucker for love.”
http://www.tvweeklogieawards.com.au...id=644634998054608896&adbpl=tw&adbpr=20644420
It may have seemed like she took her break up with Sam Wood well but inside Lana Jeavons-Fellow is broken.
When TV WEEK spoke to Lana today she could hardly speak for crying.
The 27-year-old beauty was almost inconsolable as she began to talk about the events of The Bachelor finale.
As Sam, 35, and Snezana Markoski, 34, celebrate their love, spare a thought for the other woman.
“I got my heart broken,” she said through tears.
Reflecting on the moment Sam broke the news to her, a fragile Lana could hardly remember a word she said.
“I don’t even know what I said. I was just in shock,” she explained.
“As soon as he said that a wall went up and I didn’t even emotionally engage.
“It was that first bit of shock and when he said, ‘Do you have anything to say’ and I said, ‘No’, I’m just in shock. I think everything had been said.”
When questioned about Lana, Sam said there was “never that same spark” that he had with Snezana.
“She’s an incredible girl,” Sam revealed to TV WEEK. “She’s really engaging and smart, beautiful and so easy to get along with she just wasn’t the right girl for me.”
When asked if the communications advisor was planning to watch the finale she said, “no, I don’t think so”.
“I think there might be people coming over but I’m not even replying to messages anymore. I can’t do the whole communication thing right now.”
Luckily for Lana, her sister Erin arrived home from Germany to help her through the fallout.
“It’s hard,” she said.
“I think when you break up in the real world you break up and you start to move forward.
“But there was just this cloud looming where I was like, ‘Shit’s just going to get so much worse’.
“I couldn’t even tell my friends what happened. They’ll watch it on television.”
Being in the final two, Lana – who is best friends with former Miss Universe Australia Laura Dundovic – said it’s made it impossible for her to date since the show wrapped.
“If I did it would give everything away,” she reasoned.
As for moving on now, Lana isn’t sure she’s ready to start seeing someone else just yet.
“It took me a year to get over my last boyfriend,” she reflected.
“But I’m a sucker for love.”
http://www.tvweeklogieawards.com.au...id=644634998054608896&adbpl=tw&adbpr=20644420
Rosie Recaps: The Bachelor Season 3 FINALE. He only gets to keep one.
Rosie Waterland
@https://twitter.com/RosieWaterland
THIS IS IT, YOU GUYS.
After 15 episodes in which 21 women have been forced to compete in humiliating challenges in order to win the approval of a man, we have finally reached the end. The Sparkly Hunger Games of Death will end in one, final Thunderdome-style race to the finish line, where she who is victorious shall claim her Tasmanian Peen.
May women everywhere rejoice.
AND YES, FINALLY. WE OPEN ON OSHIE LIKE WE SHOULD HAVE DONE EVERY DAMN WEEK.
image: http://cdn.mamamia.com.au/wp/wp-content/uploads/2015/09/17171639/oshie-goodbye-720x547.png
“You have been watching a show called The Bachelor.”
He says some words and and explains what the series has been about and I’m sure it’s all lovely but all I’m thinking about is his hair and the hairspray machine and the dungeon and the glorious brown suit and the epic journey that we’ve been on together this year. In a universe outside of this one I would break into the bowels of Channel Ten and set him free into the night, where he could run and frolick and feel the wind blow through his heavenly, chocolately brown locks. #SaveOsher
Okay, next up we get a montage of Bachie Wood doing some serious thinking while stretching on a fence. (#BudgetBachie)
image: http://cdn.mamamia.com.au/wp/wp-content/uploads/2015/09/17172214/b-s-th-720x557.png
MUCH STRETCH THINKING.
image: http://cdn.mamamia.com.au/wp/wp-content/uploads/2015/09/17172247/b-s-th-2-720x549.png
Who am I?
Then there’s another montage of the time Bachie Wood has spent with the two remaining girls, and that’s when everybody remembers that nothing actually happens in finale episodes until about the last five minutes, so we will clearly be watching almost exclusively montages for the next hour.
Bachie Wood is reading some cue-card bullshit about where his head is at and the current state of play of this whole godforsaken situation, but his version is boring so here’s mine.
Here’s how we stand right now: We are down to Disney Princess Lana and Single Mum Parmigiana. Lana owns his heart and his balls. All she needs is his Peen to complete the trifecta, which makes it seem like she has this whole thing in the bag. BUT. But. Sarah getting sent home last night has really messed with Lana’s plans, because after last year’s TOTAL shit-head scenario otherwise known as Blake, the producers reeeeally need this year’s Bachie to look like a nice guy. And you know what a nice guy wouldn’t do? Put a single mum in the final two and then not pick her. I mean… right? THAT WOULD BE DOUCHE-CANOE CITY. If Sam had put anyone else up against Lana in the finale (ie that beige girl who’s name I’ve already forgotten), I would have thought she was set. But reject a single mum? WHAT KIND OF IDIOT WOULD SET HIMSELF UP FOR THAT KIND OF PUBLIC TAKE-DOWN? SINGLE MUMS ARE FUCKING EPIC. MY SISTER IS ONE. THEY WILL KILL YOU AND EAT YOUR HEAD IF YOU DISAPPOINT THEM OR THEIR CHILDREN.
So… I know I was all about Lana, but after Beige went home last night, I’m sort of convinced this is anyone’s game. And that’s where we’re at.
Back when Bachie Wood and Parmigiana had their first date. There was cheese. (video - cant include here)
Okay. We need to talk about tonight’s location before I lose my freaking mind. I’d say it’s the elephant in the room, but sadly they can’t afford one. I think I’ve quite clearly established that we all know that Channel Ten are straight-up out of fucking money, no? Oshie’s hair budget blew out of control. The money Queen Sully paid Channel Nine to take Blake off their hands and put him on that sad show for desperate people was quite a large sum. So now, for our FINALE episode, instead of being in SOUTH FUCKING AFRICA, or even just the bogan-honeymoon-destination-of-choice Thailand, we are in… DRUMROLL PLEASE….
‘The country’. No specified ‘the country’, just ‘the country’. And we know it’s ‘the country’ because there’s lots of horses around and instead of exercising on the beach, Bachie Wood did it up against that rustic, ‘country’ fence.
Also, time equals money, and since (again – not sure if I’ve mentioned this) money is tight, the usual ‘meet Bachie’s family’ dates that the last few girls get to go on have been crammed into this final episode, in the hopes that we won’t notice that nothing is fucking happening and ‘the county’ is probably just a slightly large property just outside of Sydney. #BUDGETBACHIE
So, this shall be the final humiliating test: Meet Daddy Wood and Sister Wood and Brother Wood. Prove yourself worthy, or go home an unlovable loser, secure in the knowledge that because a man has rejected you, YOU ARE WORTH NOTHING AS A WOMAN. Game fucking on, ladies.
PARMIGIANA’S FINAL DIGNIFIED TEST:
Okay so they are really, REALLY pushing this whole single mum thing, and I just don’t think they’d be pushing it this hard if she weren’t going to win. I mean, when she says: “I’m not ashamed of the fact that I’m a single mum”?
image: http://cdn.mamamia.com.au/wp/wp-content/uploads/2015/09/17174504/parmigiana-sm-720x547.png
I’m a heroic single mother. I DARE YOU not to pick me.
HOW CAN ANYONE WHO SAYS THAT ON NATIONAL TV EVER LOSE ANYTHING?
The risk for Bachie Wood is too high. PARMIGIANA HAS GOT THIS. FORGET EVERYTHING I EVER SAID ABOUT LANA. She may be wearing his balls around her neck but she has not CREATED LIFE. SHE HAS NOT PUSHED A HUMAN OUT OF HER VAGINA. Thanks to little Chicken, Parmigiana is about to become very much acquainted with Tassie Peen.
Daddy Wood talks to Parmigiana. Sister Wood talks to Parmigiana. Everybody wonders if Daddy Wood’s glorious goatee can take Oshie’s Hair on a date.
Oshie’s perfect match?
I lost track because I was staring at the goatee. That’s it.
Rosie Waterland
@https://twitter.com/RosieWaterland
THIS IS IT, YOU GUYS.
After 15 episodes in which 21 women have been forced to compete in humiliating challenges in order to win the approval of a man, we have finally reached the end. The Sparkly Hunger Games of Death will end in one, final Thunderdome-style race to the finish line, where she who is victorious shall claim her Tasmanian Peen.
May women everywhere rejoice.
AND YES, FINALLY. WE OPEN ON OSHIE LIKE WE SHOULD HAVE DONE EVERY DAMN WEEK.
image: http://cdn.mamamia.com.au/wp/wp-content/uploads/2015/09/17171639/oshie-goodbye-720x547.png
“You have been watching a show called The Bachelor.”
He says some words and and explains what the series has been about and I’m sure it’s all lovely but all I’m thinking about is his hair and the hairspray machine and the dungeon and the glorious brown suit and the epic journey that we’ve been on together this year. In a universe outside of this one I would break into the bowels of Channel Ten and set him free into the night, where he could run and frolick and feel the wind blow through his heavenly, chocolately brown locks. #SaveOsher
Okay, next up we get a montage of Bachie Wood doing some serious thinking while stretching on a fence. (#BudgetBachie)
image: http://cdn.mamamia.com.au/wp/wp-content/uploads/2015/09/17172214/b-s-th-720x557.png
MUCH STRETCH THINKING.
image: http://cdn.mamamia.com.au/wp/wp-content/uploads/2015/09/17172247/b-s-th-2-720x549.png
Who am I?
Then there’s another montage of the time Bachie Wood has spent with the two remaining girls, and that’s when everybody remembers that nothing actually happens in finale episodes until about the last five minutes, so we will clearly be watching almost exclusively montages for the next hour.
Bachie Wood is reading some cue-card bullshit about where his head is at and the current state of play of this whole godforsaken situation, but his version is boring so here’s mine.
Here’s how we stand right now: We are down to Disney Princess Lana and Single Mum Parmigiana. Lana owns his heart and his balls. All she needs is his Peen to complete the trifecta, which makes it seem like she has this whole thing in the bag. BUT. But. Sarah getting sent home last night has really messed with Lana’s plans, because after last year’s TOTAL shit-head scenario otherwise known as Blake, the producers reeeeally need this year’s Bachie to look like a nice guy. And you know what a nice guy wouldn’t do? Put a single mum in the final two and then not pick her. I mean… right? THAT WOULD BE DOUCHE-CANOE CITY. If Sam had put anyone else up against Lana in the finale (ie that beige girl who’s name I’ve already forgotten), I would have thought she was set. But reject a single mum? WHAT KIND OF IDIOT WOULD SET HIMSELF UP FOR THAT KIND OF PUBLIC TAKE-DOWN? SINGLE MUMS ARE FUCKING EPIC. MY SISTER IS ONE. THEY WILL KILL YOU AND EAT YOUR HEAD IF YOU DISAPPOINT THEM OR THEIR CHILDREN.
So… I know I was all about Lana, but after Beige went home last night, I’m sort of convinced this is anyone’s game. And that’s where we’re at.
Back when Bachie Wood and Parmigiana had their first date. There was cheese. (video - cant include here)
Okay. We need to talk about tonight’s location before I lose my freaking mind. I’d say it’s the elephant in the room, but sadly they can’t afford one. I think I’ve quite clearly established that we all know that Channel Ten are straight-up out of fucking money, no? Oshie’s hair budget blew out of control. The money Queen Sully paid Channel Nine to take Blake off their hands and put him on that sad show for desperate people was quite a large sum. So now, for our FINALE episode, instead of being in SOUTH FUCKING AFRICA, or even just the bogan-honeymoon-destination-of-choice Thailand, we are in… DRUMROLL PLEASE….
‘The country’. No specified ‘the country’, just ‘the country’. And we know it’s ‘the country’ because there’s lots of horses around and instead of exercising on the beach, Bachie Wood did it up against that rustic, ‘country’ fence.
Also, time equals money, and since (again – not sure if I’ve mentioned this) money is tight, the usual ‘meet Bachie’s family’ dates that the last few girls get to go on have been crammed into this final episode, in the hopes that we won’t notice that nothing is fucking happening and ‘the county’ is probably just a slightly large property just outside of Sydney. #BUDGETBACHIE
So, this shall be the final humiliating test: Meet Daddy Wood and Sister Wood and Brother Wood. Prove yourself worthy, or go home an unlovable loser, secure in the knowledge that because a man has rejected you, YOU ARE WORTH NOTHING AS A WOMAN. Game fucking on, ladies.
PARMIGIANA’S FINAL DIGNIFIED TEST:
Okay so they are really, REALLY pushing this whole single mum thing, and I just don’t think they’d be pushing it this hard if she weren’t going to win. I mean, when she says: “I’m not ashamed of the fact that I’m a single mum”?
image: http://cdn.mamamia.com.au/wp/wp-content/uploads/2015/09/17174504/parmigiana-sm-720x547.png
I’m a heroic single mother. I DARE YOU not to pick me.
HOW CAN ANYONE WHO SAYS THAT ON NATIONAL TV EVER LOSE ANYTHING?
The risk for Bachie Wood is too high. PARMIGIANA HAS GOT THIS. FORGET EVERYTHING I EVER SAID ABOUT LANA. She may be wearing his balls around her neck but she has not CREATED LIFE. SHE HAS NOT PUSHED A HUMAN OUT OF HER VAGINA. Thanks to little Chicken, Parmigiana is about to become very much acquainted with Tassie Peen.
Daddy Wood talks to Parmigiana. Sister Wood talks to Parmigiana. Everybody wonders if Daddy Wood’s glorious goatee can take Oshie’s Hair on a date.
Oshie’s perfect match?
I lost track because I was staring at the goatee. That’s it.
jessy_girl
Well-Known Member
So he has his dream of banging the hot lady, I wonder if buyers remorse has set in now the logistical nightmare is clearer.
part 2 of Rosie's Recaps
LANA’S FINAL DIGNIFIED TEST:
Ugh perfect side-swept hair etc etc etc. Just so much hair. Disney Princess etc etc etc. She doesn’t have a little daughter called Chicken to talk about so nothing happens. She talks to Daddy Wood and Sister Wood. Blah Blah Blah Disney Princess blah.
OMG she’s already referring to them as her ‘in-laws’. This girl thinks she’s got this thing LOCKED DOWN. How little she knows. As she walks away, Bachie Wood’s balls fall discreetly from the chain around her neck and roll onto the ground. THIS IS ANYONE’S GAME NOW.
Final one-on-one date time! (Or: ‘We have an hour to kill and no money so here’s another montage!)
Oh my fucking god. I’m not sure I have a single ‘cheap date’ joke left in me but… Oh wait, of course I fucking do. The exotic location they go to on their final dates is…
The BLUE FUCKING MOUNTAINS. Like, no offence, the Blue Mountains are lovely, but they ain’t no Swiss Alps. I grew up in the Blue Mountains and I can tell you that about 20 minutes from where they’re currently located, there’s a bunch of 13 year-olds sitting in the gutter sharing chips and gravy before they go looking for a piece of hose so they can get stoned. #ClassyExoticLocation
Lana’s final chance to prove her worthiness as a woman:
He takes her in a helicopter, and I know I should be excited by this last-minute budget-blowout, but you know what? TOO LITTLE TOO FUCKING LATE.
image: http://cdn.mamamia.com.au/wp/wp-content/uploads/2015/09/17175523/late-helicopter-720x547.png
NOT ENOUGH.
A helicopter ride over the Three Sisters is an Episode 3 date activity. Episode 4, TOPS. That this is happening in the final episode is an insult to us all. Queen Sandra Sully should expect a strongly-worded letter from me imminently.
When Bachie Wood met the Disney Princess. (Post continues after video):
Then they go in a rowboat, because they clearly blew all the money on the helicopter so anything else with a motor is completely out of the question at this point. They toast marshmallows and sit on a Magic Sex Couch that’s been plonked on some grass. I’m starting to feel like ‘the country’ means ‘we couldn’t afford accommodation’. Ugh. I’m done. The end.
Parmigiana’s final chance to prove her worthiness as a woman:
Bachie Wood picks her up in some car because the helicopter budget is done. But also because I think Bachie Wood really wanted to wear driving gloves. Then they go sit on a rug in some dirt. EVEN THE MAGIC SEX COUCH IS GONE NOW. WE ARE AT RUG-LEVEL BUDGET, PEOPLE.
image: http://cdn.mamamia.com.au/wp/wp-content/uploads/2015/09/17180423/rug-budget-720x547.png
The production crew: Limping towards the finish line.
Talk talk talk feelings feelings talk talk. They move to a different location, where, granted, there IS a magic sex couch. But, it’s made of FUCKING HAY.
Ugh. More feelings. Parmigiana explains to Bachie Wood, one final time, that she has a daughter, which means that she has an actual human daughter. She talks a lot about ‘how hard it would be’ to be with her and oh my god if he doesn’t pick Parmigiana and her little daughter Chicken after all of this then everyone is going to HATE him. Parmigiana’s got this. Bachie Wood will end up with a very beautiful pub meal. End of date.
NEARLY THE END:
Bachie Wood does some serious swim-thinking, followed by some serious shave-thinking:
image: http://cdn.mamamia.com.au/wp/wp-content/uploads/2015/09/17180921/bachie-swim-finale-720x547.png
SO THOUGHTS.
image: http://cdn.mamamia.com.au/wp/wp-content/uploads/2015/09/17180851/shaving-b-finale-720x539.png
SUCH SHAVE.
He definitely seems ready to make this decision now.
There’s more talk about Parmigiana being a mum, and how that would be the ‘harder’ choice (ie if he picks her he’ll be considered a fucking hero so as if he won’t). Poor Lana. She doesn’t even realise she dropped his balls hours ago.
Okay. This is it. He is going to choose. As much as it pains him, he may only pick one. Each girl gets into a stylish yet powerful NISSAN QASHQAI:
image: http://cdn.mamamia.com.au/wp/wp-content/uploads/2015/09/17181245/nissan-finale-720x547.png
NISSAN etc. You remember the joke.
Bachie Wood has one final counselling session with Oshie’s Hair, who smiles and pretends like he hasn’t been locked in a dungeon for 6 weeks and isn’t about to start sprinting in the other direction as soon as the cameras stop rolling:
image: http://cdn.mamamia.com.au/wp/wp-content/uploads/2015/09/17181704/osh-wood-love-720x547.png
The flowers fool nobody. You are at some random’s house in ‘the country’.
Aww look at those two. Their’s would be an amazing fucking love story. If I hadn’t already set Oshie’s Hair up with Daddy Wood’s goatee I’d want these two luscious sets of locks to run away together.
OKAY OKAY EVERYONE SHUT UP. The first car is pulling up, and whoever gets out first is the ALWAYS the unlovable loser. It’s… It’s…
OH EM FUCKING GEE IT’S LANA. AND SHE HAS NO IDEA SHE’S LOST. Check your neck Lana, you’ve lost the balls! The balls are no longer there arrrgghhhhh!
Ugh, this is painful to watch. She miscounted the balls. She thought she had two, but she has none. Here is her unlovable loser face, at the exact moment she realised she is now worth nothing as a female human:
image: http://cdn.mamamia.com.au/wp/wp-content/uploads/2015/09/17182202/lana-loser-720x547.png
MAN NO WANT YOU = YOU ARE NOTHING.
She had his heart in her handbag and his balls around her neck, and all she needed was his Tasmanian Peen to make up the trifecta. SHE ALMOST HAD THE TRIFECTA. But she ended up with nothing, because kick-arse single mums, creators of mother-fucking LIFE, will always reign victorious in the end.
Ugh okay well now we know who wins so the rest is boring. Parmigiana pulls up in her sleek yet speedy NISSAN. Bachie Wood tells her that he finally, finally understands that she has a human daughter called Chicken that she grew inside her belly and pushed out of her lady-parts and he doesn’t mind and he loves her so he would like to be with her please. Oh and let’s not talk about how you have to move to Melbourne, k? Here is her winner’s face, at the exact moment she realised this male approval means she is now completely worthy as a woman:
image: http://cdn.mamamia.com.au/wp/wp-content/uploads/2015/09/17182902/parmigiana-720x547.png
MAN WANT YOU = YOU HAVE VALUE.
Blah blah blah. They exchange ‘I love yous’. He gives her what is possibly the ugliest ring I’ve ever freaking seen. Love reigns eternal.
Nek minit, they hitch a ride into town on a local bus, cos as soon as the cameras stopped rolling the budget was officially DONE. As am I. It’s been real, peeps. Now I will sleep for 6 days, and return to you for The Bachelorette. I expect the dates to involve Mi-Goreng and deck chairs.
LANA’S FINAL DIGNIFIED TEST:
Ugh perfect side-swept hair etc etc etc. Just so much hair. Disney Princess etc etc etc. She doesn’t have a little daughter called Chicken to talk about so nothing happens. She talks to Daddy Wood and Sister Wood. Blah Blah Blah Disney Princess blah.
OMG she’s already referring to them as her ‘in-laws’. This girl thinks she’s got this thing LOCKED DOWN. How little she knows. As she walks away, Bachie Wood’s balls fall discreetly from the chain around her neck and roll onto the ground. THIS IS ANYONE’S GAME NOW.
Final one-on-one date time! (Or: ‘We have an hour to kill and no money so here’s another montage!)
Oh my fucking god. I’m not sure I have a single ‘cheap date’ joke left in me but… Oh wait, of course I fucking do. The exotic location they go to on their final dates is…
The BLUE FUCKING MOUNTAINS. Like, no offence, the Blue Mountains are lovely, but they ain’t no Swiss Alps. I grew up in the Blue Mountains and I can tell you that about 20 minutes from where they’re currently located, there’s a bunch of 13 year-olds sitting in the gutter sharing chips and gravy before they go looking for a piece of hose so they can get stoned. #ClassyExoticLocation
Lana’s final chance to prove her worthiness as a woman:
He takes her in a helicopter, and I know I should be excited by this last-minute budget-blowout, but you know what? TOO LITTLE TOO FUCKING LATE.
image: http://cdn.mamamia.com.au/wp/wp-content/uploads/2015/09/17175523/late-helicopter-720x547.png
NOT ENOUGH.
A helicopter ride over the Three Sisters is an Episode 3 date activity. Episode 4, TOPS. That this is happening in the final episode is an insult to us all. Queen Sandra Sully should expect a strongly-worded letter from me imminently.
When Bachie Wood met the Disney Princess. (Post continues after video):
Then they go in a rowboat, because they clearly blew all the money on the helicopter so anything else with a motor is completely out of the question at this point. They toast marshmallows and sit on a Magic Sex Couch that’s been plonked on some grass. I’m starting to feel like ‘the country’ means ‘we couldn’t afford accommodation’. Ugh. I’m done. The end.
Parmigiana’s final chance to prove her worthiness as a woman:
Bachie Wood picks her up in some car because the helicopter budget is done. But also because I think Bachie Wood really wanted to wear driving gloves. Then they go sit on a rug in some dirt. EVEN THE MAGIC SEX COUCH IS GONE NOW. WE ARE AT RUG-LEVEL BUDGET, PEOPLE.
image: http://cdn.mamamia.com.au/wp/wp-content/uploads/2015/09/17180423/rug-budget-720x547.png
The production crew: Limping towards the finish line.
Talk talk talk feelings feelings talk talk. They move to a different location, where, granted, there IS a magic sex couch. But, it’s made of FUCKING HAY.
Ugh. More feelings. Parmigiana explains to Bachie Wood, one final time, that she has a daughter, which means that she has an actual human daughter. She talks a lot about ‘how hard it would be’ to be with her and oh my god if he doesn’t pick Parmigiana and her little daughter Chicken after all of this then everyone is going to HATE him. Parmigiana’s got this. Bachie Wood will end up with a very beautiful pub meal. End of date.
NEARLY THE END:
Bachie Wood does some serious swim-thinking, followed by some serious shave-thinking:
image: http://cdn.mamamia.com.au/wp/wp-content/uploads/2015/09/17180921/bachie-swim-finale-720x547.png
SO THOUGHTS.
image: http://cdn.mamamia.com.au/wp/wp-content/uploads/2015/09/17180851/shaving-b-finale-720x539.png
SUCH SHAVE.
He definitely seems ready to make this decision now.
There’s more talk about Parmigiana being a mum, and how that would be the ‘harder’ choice (ie if he picks her he’ll be considered a fucking hero so as if he won’t). Poor Lana. She doesn’t even realise she dropped his balls hours ago.
Okay. This is it. He is going to choose. As much as it pains him, he may only pick one. Each girl gets into a stylish yet powerful NISSAN QASHQAI:
image: http://cdn.mamamia.com.au/wp/wp-content/uploads/2015/09/17181245/nissan-finale-720x547.png
NISSAN etc. You remember the joke.
Bachie Wood has one final counselling session with Oshie’s Hair, who smiles and pretends like he hasn’t been locked in a dungeon for 6 weeks and isn’t about to start sprinting in the other direction as soon as the cameras stop rolling:
image: http://cdn.mamamia.com.au/wp/wp-content/uploads/2015/09/17181704/osh-wood-love-720x547.png
The flowers fool nobody. You are at some random’s house in ‘the country’.
Aww look at those two. Their’s would be an amazing fucking love story. If I hadn’t already set Oshie’s Hair up with Daddy Wood’s goatee I’d want these two luscious sets of locks to run away together.
OKAY OKAY EVERYONE SHUT UP. The first car is pulling up, and whoever gets out first is the ALWAYS the unlovable loser. It’s… It’s…
OH EM FUCKING GEE IT’S LANA. AND SHE HAS NO IDEA SHE’S LOST. Check your neck Lana, you’ve lost the balls! The balls are no longer there arrrgghhhhh!
Ugh, this is painful to watch. She miscounted the balls. She thought she had two, but she has none. Here is her unlovable loser face, at the exact moment she realised she is now worth nothing as a female human:
image: http://cdn.mamamia.com.au/wp/wp-content/uploads/2015/09/17182202/lana-loser-720x547.png
MAN NO WANT YOU = YOU ARE NOTHING.
She had his heart in her handbag and his balls around her neck, and all she needed was his Tasmanian Peen to make up the trifecta. SHE ALMOST HAD THE TRIFECTA. But she ended up with nothing, because kick-arse single mums, creators of mother-fucking LIFE, will always reign victorious in the end.
Ugh okay well now we know who wins so the rest is boring. Parmigiana pulls up in her sleek yet speedy NISSAN. Bachie Wood tells her that he finally, finally understands that she has a human daughter called Chicken that she grew inside her belly and pushed out of her lady-parts and he doesn’t mind and he loves her so he would like to be with her please. Oh and let’s not talk about how you have to move to Melbourne, k? Here is her winner’s face, at the exact moment she realised this male approval means she is now completely worthy as a woman:
image: http://cdn.mamamia.com.au/wp/wp-content/uploads/2015/09/17182902/parmigiana-720x547.png
MAN WANT YOU = YOU HAVE VALUE.
Blah blah blah. They exchange ‘I love yous’. He gives her what is possibly the ugliest ring I’ve ever freaking seen. Love reigns eternal.
Nek minit, they hitch a ride into town on a local bus, cos as soon as the cameras stopped rolling the budget was officially DONE. As am I. It’s been real, peeps. Now I will sleep for 6 days, and return to you for The Bachelorette. I expect the dates to involve Mi-Goreng and deck chairs.
The Bachelor leaves Lana shattered
It may have seemed like she took her break up with Sam Wood well but inside Lana Jeavons-Fellow is broken.
When TV WEEK spoke to Lana today she could hardly speak for crying.
The 27-year-old beauty was almost inconsolable as she began to talk about the events of The Bachelor finale.
As Sam, 35, and Snezana Markoski, 34, celebrate their love, spare a thought for the other woman.
“I got my heart broken,” she said through tears.
Reflecting on the moment Sam broke the news to her, a fragile Lana could hardly remember a word she said.
“I don’t even know what I said. I was just in shock,” she explained.
“As soon as he said that a wall went up and I didn’t even emotionally engage.
“It was that first bit of shock and when he said, ‘Do you have anything to say’ and I said, ‘No’, I’m just in shock. I think everything had been said.”
When questioned about Lana, Sam said there was “never that same spark” that he had with Snezana.
“She’s an incredible girl,” Sam revealed to TV WEEK. “She’s really engaging and smart, beautiful and so easy to get along with she just wasn’t the right girl for me.”
When asked if the communications advisor was planning to watch the finale she said, “no, I don’t think so”.
“I think there might be people coming over but I’m not even replying to messages anymore. I can’t do the whole communication thing right now.”
Luckily for Lana, her sister Erin arrived home from Germany to help her through the fallout.
“It’s hard,” she said.
“I think when you break up in the real world you break up and you start to move forward.
“But there was just this cloud looming where I was like, ‘Shit’s just going to get so much worse’.
“I couldn’t even tell my friends what happened. They’ll watch it on television.”
Being in the final two, Lana – who is best friends with former Miss Universe Australia Laura Dundovic – said it’s made it impossible for her to date since the show wrapped.
“If I did it would give everything away,” she reasoned.
As for moving on now, Lana isn’t sure she’s ready to start seeing someone else just yet.
“It took me a year to get over my last boyfriend,” she reflected.
“But I’m a sucker for love.”
http://www.tvweeklogieawards.com.au...id=644634998054608896&adbpl=tw&adbpr=20644420
so this happened 2 months ago - I realise its been hard having to cover it up and lie to everyone and pretend everything is apples BUT now she's crying? I'm sorry - I don't buy what they are selling.