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2017 Today I ...
- Thread starter qtkt
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kxk
SAPIOSEXUAL
Oh qtkt how tough, for you and family.
Did they not get good help medically, or something else making you angry?
All is well thanks. My Mum has been gone since 1997 but we never had that type of relationship and I always wished for it while she was alive. Sometimes those quotes hit me in a vulnerable spot.[/QUOTE]
I lost my Mum in the 90s too, and I miss her so much every day, especially when I was with my younger sister in WA. She needed her Mum.
The youngest in our big family, got jipped, they never got to have parents into older ages.
I was lucky enough to have enough time with Mum to become adult friends - after a very volatile teen era.
I adored my Mum as a kid, then as a teen I fought with her forever, early 20s were shit, then we had a lovely much better friendship - we ere very alike in many ways.
That was a very funny effect during Mum's funeral planning, a sister said as an insult, as they often would, "oh you are just like Mum"...
the look on her face when it dawned on her, and then i got to smugly say, yeah thanks, tee hee.
The women of that era, complicated, often thwarted, they went through tough times for intelligent women.
Did they not get good help medically, or something else making you angry?
All is well thanks. My Mum has been gone since 1997 but we never had that type of relationship and I always wished for it while she was alive. Sometimes those quotes hit me in a vulnerable spot.[/QUOTE]
I lost my Mum in the 90s too, and I miss her so much every day, especially when I was with my younger sister in WA. She needed her Mum.
The youngest in our big family, got jipped, they never got to have parents into older ages.
I was lucky enough to have enough time with Mum to become adult friends - after a very volatile teen era.
I adored my Mum as a kid, then as a teen I fought with her forever, early 20s were shit, then we had a lovely much better friendship - we ere very alike in many ways.
That was a very funny effect during Mum's funeral planning, a sister said as an insult, as they often would, "oh you are just like Mum"...
the look on her face when it dawned on her, and then i got to smugly say, yeah thanks, tee hee.
The women of that era, complicated, often thwarted, they went through tough times for intelligent women.
I'm glad to know you did manage to have a friend in your mum eventually. My mum and I never got there. She had a lot of issues. But I know she loved me dearly as I did her. And I can relate to the 'just like mum' thing too. I have two sisters and it is very obvious in one of them but we all have traits.
As for a little angry - that's with God. As a priest I preach about living in the mystery by some days it is hard to practice what you preach. The couple got great help medically and are strong together. They will get through this fine - but how I wish they didn't have to. I've known them for four years and married them three years ago.
kxk
SAPIOSEXUAL
Oh of course, how insensitive of me - that is cruel in itself, and double is awful. How anyone copes with losing babies I don't know, it is bad enough losing adults.
That you know them so well would be of great comfort, I know that helped me with my parents, the priests were their friends and knew them and loved them.
Best wishes to you....and hopefully lost of happy celebrations will fill your days in the new year, healthy births and weddings.
That you know them so well would be of great comfort, I know that helped me with my parents, the priests were their friends and knew them and loved them.
Best wishes to you....and hopefully lost of happy celebrations will fill your days in the new year, healthy births and weddings.
So sad. It's a very tough situation
Me too.
When I feel myself succumbing to the same black dog who often controlled my mothers mood and behaviour, I try and remind myself it is what it is, and I will be okay.
It will be a year in March, and it is hard not to be pulled into that sad thought process when thinking about her life. The questions that swirl, why didn't I do more? Why wasn't I kinder? What could I have done? And I have to remind myself, Mum was meant to be our guide, our role model, our safe place, not the other way round. We as her children did everything we could to try and get her help over the years, but after 40 years of cleaning up her mess, we were all emotionally exhausted by it, and really us three kids had very little to do with her.
Each of us have moments where we are struggling with the guilt, but we always knew it would end in the ultimate mind fuck. And sadly for Mum she didn't disappoint. The image of her bed alone will torture each of us for always.
It is what it is, we survived and we will be okay.
That picture is heartbreaking and beautiful at the same time. I could feel the love just looking at it.
I am so glad the boys will have you looking after their mummy and daddy.
You all have your faith, so you can take some comfort in your belief that it is all part of some Devine plan.
Are you okay? Do you have someone you go to to debrief, or do you talk straight to god?
@Trala my theology is not one of a God who has every moment and every action/event preordained in a master plan. Although I know many people gain great comfort from that belief when things go wrong. I lean much more heavily on the free will side of the equation. I do NOT believe that God deliberately leads us into suffering or sends tragedies to those who can cope the best or need to grow, etc.
My faith does give me comfort in the belief that God has got my back.
As for debriefing, that is definitely harder in the bush without colleagues in easy reach. But my husband is so very supportive and allows me to say much the same thing over and over again for ages until I've got it out of my system. He's great. I'm also in the fortunate position that I'm attending a conference next week and if it's still on my mind there will be plenty if colleagues to spew it out on to.
There are some regrets we carry forever - and there are dates and events that bring them to the front of our mind - and then random things that do the same but unexpectedly.
As you said, it is what it is. The past can't be changed. We can possibly learn some lessons from it for the future but we also need to accept that sometimes there is no '100 % right' choice to make. Sometimes we can not - or should not - give another person everything they want or think they need.
Blessings Trala.
jessy_girl
Well-Known Member
That is absolutely heart breaking
I find your following two posts particularly comforting and insightful, there need to be more people like you in this world!
Thank you @jessy_girl
How did your first Christmas as a mum go? Kids make it so special - and just wait until next year when your Bub actually has some idea of what's going on.
How did your first Christmas as a mum go? Kids make it so special - and just wait until next year when your Bub actually has some idea of what's going on.
Personally I have more atheistic beliefs, but I respect what ever gets you through your day and inspires good. I find both religion and culture fascinating. After I did my 12 steps I converted to catholisism when searching for a higher power. I made my communion and everything! Religion helped save me when l was absolutely at my lowest.
Goondiwindi is lucky to have you. You remind me of a lady called Sr Mel. She helped save me from me many many years ago.
Thanks Kay, blessings to you too. Xo
I would be interested to hear what caused the change???
You have mentioned Sr Mel before. I'm honoured you would see similarities. I'm not nearly as good as you might think.