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The Bachelor Australia 2015

Officially in love with Rosie!

ROSIE: Why are all The Bachelor women so afraid to admit what they want?

Serious Bachie thoughts time.

Has anyone else noticed that a lot of the women on this season of The Bachelor Australia seem to be preoccupied with not coming across as ‘girly’?

First (and most obviously since she’s totally laid back and cool), it was Totally Laid Back Cool Girl Heather. Whenever it came time for her to talk about her thoughts or feelings with Bachie Wood, she would continuously apologise to him for being ‘so girly’.

Then there was Parmigiana (sorry – Snezana), who had a legitimate reason to be upset with The Bachelor, and when she tried to talk to him about what he’d done and how it had made her feel, she also kept apologising for being ‘so girly’. Not to mention Nina, who last night desperately tried to convince Bachie that she could be girly (‘softer’ and ‘quieter’) when he told her he that was nervous about how loud and opinionated she was.

image: http://cdn.mamamia.com.au/wp/wp-content/uploads/2015/09/09194940/beer-heather-720x547.png

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Cool Girl Heather drinks beer. Is cool.
So what is up with this ‘girly’ shit? Why have the bachelorettes adopted it as a negative term, used to describe any behaviour that they think they should be ashamed of?

Missed Rosie’s Recaps? Where have you been?! CLICK HERE.

It’s made me sad every time I’ve seen it happen on the show, because these women are basically using the term ‘girly’ as a replacement for “things I shouldn’t do as a woman because I know that men hate them.” These women are trying their hardest to be laid back and cool, to be low-maintenance, to be drama-free, to be easy. They’re pretending they don’t care that The Bachelor is dating several other girls. They’re pretending they don’t care that they have to act like they enjoy doing things they would never do otherwise. They’re pretending they’re okay with having a brief, fun chat with him, when what they really want to do is talk about the confusion and emotional turmoil they’re experiencing. They’re pretending, because they all want to stay appealing to a man.

image: http://cdn.mamamia.com.au/wp/wp-content/uploads/2015/08/19204958/jasmin-sheep-720x547.png

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Jasmin was not impressed with the sheep. But cool girls will get down and dirty.
And that’s bullshit.

As a woman, there is nothing wrong with expressing your feelings, the good and the bad. There is nothing wrong with having expectations and wanting those expectations to be met. There is nothing wrong with having high standards, there is nothing wrong with admitting when you’re upset and there is nothing wrong with knowing what you want and refusing to compromise on that.

Any partner who tells you otherwise, any partner who tries to convince you that you’re being ‘high-maintenance’ or difficult for wanting to be treated with respect, is gaslighting you.

And that partner needs to fuck right off, to be honest.

You can here Rosie discuss the Bachie Cool Girl phenomenon on this week’s episode of Mamamia Outloud:

There is nothing wrong with being high-maintenance when it comes to how you expect to be treated. In fact, being high-maintenance in that regard makes you a pretty impressive human being.

I expect guys to message me back. That’s one of my things. I recently broke up with someone because he would take days to respond to me. and when I told him how upsetting that was to me, he insinuated that I was being high-maintenance and exhausting. He was therefore locked out of my vagina.

Because you deserve to be yourself, you deserve to have expectations, and you deserve to have someone love you for being that person with those expectations. Anything less is not enough.

image: http://cdn.mamamia.com.au/wp/wp-content/uploads/2015/09/01153008/rosie-book-22-720x547.jpg

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The #AntiCoolGirl
So if, like it seems to have on The Bachelor this season, the definition of girly has changed to mean “things I shouldn’t do as a woman because I know that men hate them,” then I’m proud to say that I’m girly as shit. I expect the men I’m with to treat the way I deserve. I expect to be able to talk about my feelings and have expectations and know what my standards are when it comes to how I’m treated. If that’s being girly, then that’s me.

And any man who finds that too high-maintenance or too difficult? Well, there’s the fucking door.
 
yeah sure, Sam could of handled it better and not blindsided her but it is part of the "game", it happens every season. No need to hate on him like he pulled a Blake...people really do get invested though, I am one of them lol. #TeamSnez all the way.
 
destinynz said:
yeah sure, Sam could of handled it better and not blindsided her but it is part of the "game", it happens every season. No need to hate on him like he pulled a Blake...people really do get invested though, I am one of them lol. #TeamSnez all the way.
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For me the biggest thing is that Heather said that she outright told him not to put her through a hometown date if he didn't think she was the one. She is clearly very insecure about her family situation and she didn't want to go through that being exposed in front of Sam (and the country) unless he was sure about her. He still dragged her through it probably knowing she wasn't the one, she completely opened up about stuff she didn't want to - dead dad, no family, etc - and then he dumped her straight after it with no warning that it was coming.

He was an absolute jerk the way he handled that girl's feelings and insecurities so I'm not surprised by the backlash. I was originally preparing to feel sorry for him assuming he was going to unfairly cop it when Heather left but after the way it happened I'm all like, nup, he deserves it all.
 
Heather Maltman Interview After The Bachelor Elimination
Heather Opens Up About Her Bachelor Heartbreak: "I Honestly Don't Know What Happened"
by Genevieve Rota 11/9/15
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Image Source: Network Ten
Fan favourite Heather Maltman was eliminated in a heartbreaking episode of The Bachelor on Thursday night, leaving just three women standing in the race for Sam Wood's heart. Heather's heartbreak came through our TV screens like a sledgehammer. She held back her tears, only just. She asked Sam, "Why?" She held her head high. But, wow, it was hard to watch.

For the last seven weeks we've come to know Heather as so many things. The cool girl. The superhero geek. The beautiful temptress. The one everyone really, really likes (seriously, we interviewed all the bachelorettes and they love her). The vulnerable woman with her heart on her sleeve. And then, last night, the one Sam couldn't foresee a romantic future with. We've gotten to know Heather in a different way — interviewing her a couple of times through the season — and to us, she's the girl who gives you the most time. The strong, funny one (with ace acting skills). The one who refuses to say a bad word . . . even though her heart has been broken (her words, not ours). She's tops — read on for her take on the entire experience.


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POPSUGAR Australia: We’re so sad to see you go! Warwick told you at the end of the date with Sam that he wasn’t sure how he felt about you. What happened there?

Heather: Well, first of all . . . I guess, going home to meet families and stuff was a pretty big deal for me because there isn’t really a family there for him to meet. I’ve got an older sister but our childhood growing up was just so full on and it was just a bit too hard for that part of it. Warwick is this incredible man who I met when I was 11 or 12 years old, who basically taught me how to have a voice and how to stand up and ask for what I want. I’ve always had problems doing that, it’s always been one of my biggest struggles — letting people know who I am and what I want and what I need and how I feel. He was the start of me learning how to do that. When he met Sam, I knew that Warwick would be the best possible person in my life to meet him because there’s no bias with Warwick. He’s not interested in looking at someone and saying, "Are you good enough, are you not good enough?" He wants every individual person he comes across, every single person who walks into Avalon — that’s the name of his farm — to be the best possible version of themselves. When he said the things about Sam and how things would work, that was his way of letting me know, I guess, what he thought Sam still needed to work on and the things that were happening for him to be the best possible version of himself. And whether I would be the best person to help him with that, or if he maybe needed to do that on his own, or if one of the other girls would. That was one of the most beautiful things about my relationship with him. He would never give me advice on what I should or shouldn’t do — instead he’s kind of always been my moral compass in terms of, "Which direction do I wanna go in? I wanna go that way, these are the things you need to think about." That’s why I just love that man so much.


Image Source: Network Ten
PS: He seems like an amazing person.

Heather: He’s like a farming Yoda [laughs].

PS: How did you meet him? You were so young!

Heather: I grew up in a little town called Eagleby [Queensland] and back when I grew up there it was a lower-income, housing commission area and I called it my ghetto. I love my ghetto, I’m very proud of where I grew up. I moved a lot but I spent a lot of my life in Eagleby and also Beenleigh and I was getting bullied quite badly in primary school and in the first few years of high school and I found this farm. Suddenly this horse farm showed up down the road from us, which was so random. I walked past there and I didn’t really talk to anyone, I didn’t have any friends . . . My outlet was my riding and my acting and directing. I said to my mum one day, "I want to go and work on the horse farm," and she said, "OK, I’ll take you down there." She said to Warwick, "My daughter wants to work on your farm," and he said, "That’s fine, but she has to ask herself," and she was like, "Well, she’s a bit shy . . ." and he was like, "No, she wants to work here, she has to ask for it herself." He was six-foot God-knows-what, and I think he was 28 at the time . . . Obviously he’s a strapping man and very beautiful.


Image Source: Network Ten
PS: He was so young himself.

Heather: So young, yeah! A very young man. And he had just extremely high expectations of himself and the people around him and he said, "If you want to work here, you’ve gotta earn it." He helped me, obviously and he was always there for me but in no way did he give me a handout, in no way was he making sure that I went to school every day. Instead, he would just question me and the choices I was making in life and, yeah, that’s kind of how we came to meet and he’s been in my life ever since. Every now and then he wanders in and out and we always stay in touch. He’s got the most amazing family, I adore him.

PS: I’m so glad you’ve got someone like him — I was a bit worried in Wednesday’s episode that you weren’t going to have anyone . . .

Heather: I know, I know! It was a very difficult decision to make.

PS: Taking Sam there — did Warwick read him pretty well, do you think?

Heather: Yeah, definitely. I think it was . . . I don’t know if Sam was as prepared for it as maybe he thought he was [laughs]. I was exactly the same when I met Warwick, I was 11 years old and he would just turn around and speak to me like an adult. I think he’s part of the reason why I was able to turn my life around and work to get everything that I have in my life today. He basically did the same thing to Sam, even though Sam’s clearly a grown man who’s worked his butt off to have everything that he has in life. Warwick just turned around and went, "Why, why, why?" and got to the absolute deepest parts of him, which is quite confronting. It’s a scary thing to have someone do. Especially on national TV! [Laughs]
 
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Image Source: Network Ten
PS: On Sam — you guys had an amazing connection from the get-go. Somewhere along the line it fell into a friendship. Did you feel that way, or do you know when he started to feel that way?

Heather: To be honest, I’ve been asked this a couple of times and I honestly am not sure what happened. It’s probably something that you have to talk to Sam about. There probably was a point when he remembers the change but the truth is, I just remember trying to be really in the moment with him and bounce off his energy. I always felt like we were really close, I felt like he understood where I was at and why I was the way I was during the show. I wasn’t comfortable being super touchy-feely on camera — I didn’t want to do that. I was very aware of the fact that young girls would be watching, I was very aware of the fact that, you know, it’s one thing to have PDAs when you’re out at a restaurant but it’s quite another to do that in front of all of Australia. I work in the industry and it was a very . . . That was the most challenging part of being in the show. To me, having an intense friendship that had an insanely strong bond and really strong connection, to me that’s an everlasting relationship. To me, that’s the person I look at and go, "Not only do I want to be with you forever but I want to touch all of your areas and I want to be the only one touching those areas." [Laughs] I guess that’s where him and I differ and maybe part of the reason why it didn’t work, why he saw it as friendship. And that’s cool. I don’t see it as being friend-zoned. I see it as, you know, he has the ideal person that he wants to be with and I have the ideal person that I want to be with, and that’s just not each other.


Image Source: Network Ten
PS: Did you have genuine feelings for him from the start or did it hit you somewhere in the middle of filming?

Heather: No, I was very sure about him the minute I met him. I was like, "Oh, crap." [Laughs]. I literally met him and went, "No! I know I’m going to like you! I already like you."

PS: What was it about him that you liked so much?

Heather: See, I don’t know . . . I hear girls talk about their type, or not having a type or whatever, and I started to realise that with myself, I’ve dated guys from ridiculously attractive all the way through to "What happened there?" [Laughs] For me, it’s all about a feeling. I just go off how they feel. Do they make me feel like the best thing since sliced bread, or do they make me feel like they just picked up a beer that’s almost finished? I want to be with a guy that makes me feel like I’m the best thing since sliced bread. At no point did Sam make me feel as if he didn’t really care if I was there or not. He always made me feel like I was really special and really important and he always made me feel like he cared and I mattered. That said more to me than anything else throughout the entire series.

PS: I remember when you guys were at the barn dance group date and he told you not to apologise for existing.

Heather: Yeah. He actually had said something even more intense to me, but I’ll keep that one just between him and me. It was a pretty beautiful thing that he said, and that’s actually what made me say, "That’s one of the most beautiful things anyone has ever said to me." It was a very . . . such a personal thing to say, and that’s why I just look at this man and go, it’s OK that we didn’t work out as a couple because I just think he’s a beautiful person and I just hope that he gets to stay in my life, to some degree. At some point.

PS: Are you guys friends now?

Heather: We’re not talking at the moment, which I think is actually for the best. I’d probably be uncomfortable if we were talking while the show was actually airing because it’d be a little bit inappropriate. He has picked someone else and they’re creating a foundation and I think that’s really important. I would hope that in the future or when the show ends or, now that the secret’s out — I got dumped! — that he would be more inclined to be like, "Yeah, let’s be bros and hang out and drink all of the beer." Hopefully that’s a possibility, but if not, that’s cool.


Image Source: Network Ten
PS: Do you think you can be friends with him if you have feelings for him?

Heather: Well, that’s the thing. There was a really good period there between show ending and before it went to air, where I could process the hurt and process the romantic feelings. What’s done is done and I’ve kind of let that go now. Now it’s more about watching it back and just being sad that it wasn’t more. I don’t really feel anything romantic towards him anymore, I’ve had my time process that.

PS: How have you found doing interviews and having to speak about him so nicely — what’s it like talking about someone you got hurt by?

Heather: Um . . . It’s so conflicting because here’s the thing: I still care about him a great deal. And he still matters to me. I think that’s why I was able to talk about him so warmly in all of my interviews so far, because I do care about him and I just want him to find someone that he really falls in love with. The hardest part, though, is that I’ve had to talk that way about someone who also broke my heart. That’s been really hard. And the fact that, uh, it’s kind of just been a thing that everyone thought we ended up together. That’s been pretty tough. But like I said, the only reason it’s tough is because it just makes me sad, it’s not because he hurt me or because he did something wrong or because I have feelings for him . . . it just makes me sad that that story wasn’t for me, it’s meant for someone else. My story is obviously meant to be what it is.

PS: There’s going to be someone else for you. It’s just that sadness of what could have been, I guess?

Heather: Yeah, exactly. Exactly.

PS: Were you surprised when you didn’t get a rose?

Heather: Um. I don’t know if it was surprise, it was more just . . . My biggest fear was actually that I would do home visits and he would send me home because it was too scary for him.


Image Source: Network Ten
PS: Do you mean in the sense that there was too much baggage?

Heather: Yeah, just all of the things! There are all of the things there [laughs] from my home visit. There was so much there to process and I just was terrified that it would be too much for him to process. That’s been an issue in the past with some guys that I’ve liked, but that’s my stuff. That’s not his stuff. It’s for me to work through and, in actual fact, it was one of the biggest gifts he could give me, taking me to home visits and sending me home. I faced a massive fear that my family and my back story would be too much for a guy and instead, I’ve actually learned that if it’s too much for a guy, that’s not the person I want to be with. I’m not scared of my story anymore, I’m proud of it. I’m proud of the town I grew up in, I’m proud of the people I grew up around and I’m proud of the person I’ve become today. I’ve worked really, really hard to have the life that I have today and Sam gave me that gift, so I feel pretty lucky.

PS: It makes me really sad to know you worry about your history. You shouldn’t feel that way, especially if it’s the right guy — then it will never be an issue.

Heather: Yes, exactly. And that’s, like . . . it’s a lesson you can’t pay for in this world. It’s a lesson you can’t ask for. Taking that risk and doing the show, that was the part I was most afraid of, showing that part of myself to the world and finding comfort in that. It was a pretty incredible moment for me.
 
destinynz said:
Interested to know who have everyone's favourites been the past three seasons? for me Anna, Lisa, and now Snez
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Anna was a clear winner in Season 1 she was so different from the other girls. Sam Frost or Lisa for season 2 loved both girls. I'm tied between Heather and Sarah for season 3 love their kind and fun spirit they both have.
 
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PS: Do you find it weird getting followed by paparazzi?

Heather: [Laughs] Yeah! That’s weird! I’m like, "What are you doing, guys?" I’m not into the paparazzi, that is not my bag. I do not enjoy that — and people who do enjoy that, power to them, but it’s not for me. The general public, I’m into those guys! The people who stop me in the street, the more the merrier! I’ll talk to people 'til the cows come home but, I don’t know, there’s something about the paparazzi that’s so invasive. Hanging outside my house, I’m like, "Come on, man." I apologised to one once, I was like, "I’m not doing anything today, you must be so bored. You followed me from my house to my sister’s house, over to my friend’s house over the bridge and then you followed me back to my house and I’ve done nothing, I’m so sorry." And the stories that get made up from it . . . I can honestly tell you that any article that you see when I’m [getting papped], there is no truth in that story whatsoever. 100 percent no truth. Unless they’re describing my outfit, in which case, that’s accurate! I think the only time I’ve ever been overwhelmed with people coming up to me was Father’s Day. This poor girl asked me to have a photo while I was with my sister and it was Father’s Day and I just couldn’t do it. I Just said to her, "It’s Father’s Day and I just wanna have dinner with my sister, I’m really sorry." And I could just tell that she was devastated and I felt awful but . . . That’s a really hard day for me.




Image Source: Network Ten

PS: Were you surprised with how quickly Sam bonded with Lana?

Heather: No. Lana’s a legend. How could you not bond with her? I bonded with her. But you have no idea how you could establish a relationship with someone, and when it could happen. And I am a huge believer in love at first sight so, you know, God knows what’s going to blossom from that beautiful little moment in this crazy thing called The Bachelor.

PS: What about Snez and Sarah, what are they like?

Heather: I actually can’t believe that the two people I met at the very beginning — I’m talking day of registration — I’m walking through the hotel and the first person I walked in with was Snezana. And I took one look at her and went, "Holy crap, you are so hot!" And then I found out about her being a mother and I thought, "Oh my God, I don’t stand a chance." [Laughs] And then I saw Sarah across the room 20 minutes later and I thought, "I just want to be friends with you. I feel like you’re my spirit animal." And then we got talking and she’s so incredibly spiritual, I was like, "Damn, you’re a cool lady." I ended up sharing a room with Sarah from the beginning in the mansion through to the day I left and she was just . . . She’s just beautiful. And then when Lana came into the house she shared with us too. I just love all three of those girls equally. I loved all of the girls in the house, all of the good, all of the bad . . . They’re all very beautiful, all very special people. I just think it’s incredible that he’s got three incredibly different women at the end. I’m like, "Whaaat?"



Image Source: Network Ten

PS: Your experience on The Bachelor. How would you sum it up?

Heather: Exactly what I was hoping for: random. I think I stayed completely true to myself. When I first started this thing I was asked by a producer, "What’s one word to describe you?" and I said, "Random." And I definitely stuck with that. I think, look, Bachelor career-highlights for Heather: probably jelly-wrestling, eating as much chocolate and all of the food I could and I think I probably said the most amount of sexual innuendos out of all the girls in the house. I’m proud of myself and walked out with my head held high [laughs].
 
Gemini said:
He was an absolute jerk the way he handled that girl's feelings and insecurities so I'm not surprised by the backlash. I was originally preparing to feel sorry for him assuming he was going to unfairly cop it when Heather left but after the way it happened I'm all like, nup, he deserves it all.
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Same. I actually thought he was one of the nicer bachelors, and applauded him for being relatively authentic - sending Jacinda and Bec home early when he wasn't feeling it, giving Emily his true opinion when she asked for it - but after this I don't think he's that sincere and honest after all.
 
So I feel weird Sam getting strung up so much regarding this.
Sure I was disappointed in the way he handled things at the end.. BUT.. I'm not angry for falling for someone else.
As much as I wish that he'd given Heather the heads up and spared her that moment, I really don't think he deserves the bollocking he's getting and I can't help feeling sorry for the guy, as well as the person who he does choose.
 
Gemini said:
For me the biggest thing is that Heather said that she outright told him not to put her through a hometown date if he didn't think she was the one. She is clearly very insecure about her family situation and she didn't want to go through that being exposed in front of Sam (and the country) unless he was sure about her. He still dragged her through it probably knowing she wasn't the one, she completely opened up about stuff she didn't want to - dead dad, no family, etc - and then he dumped her straight after it with no warning that it was coming.

He was an absolute jerk the way he handled that girl's feelings and insecurities so I'm not surprised by the backlash. I was originally preparing to feel sorry for him assuming he was going to unfairly cop it when Heather left but after the way it happened I'm all like, nup, he deserves it all.
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lol I feel like I'm too soft now.
 
destinynz said:
yeah sure, Sam could of handled it better and not blindsided her but it is part of the "game", it happens every season. No need to hate on him like he pulled a Blake...people really do get invested though, I am one of them lol. #TeamSnez all the way.
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It is but I guess it's how he handled it, like did he even get choked up?
I didn't even like Heather's portrayal on the show, didn't think they ever had anything special...but my heart broke like a lot of people's seeing her eyes the minute he didn't say her name.
destinynz said:
Interested to know who have everyone's favourites been the past three seasons? for me Anna, Lisa, and now Snez
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I liked Lisa too!! I still think she's the most gorgeous contestant, though Sarah and Snez come close too.
 
Insomniac said:
So I feel weird Sam getting strung up so much regarding this.
Sure I was disappointed in the way he handled things at the end.. BUT.. I'm not angry for falling for someone else.
As much as I wish that he'd given Heather the heads up and spared her that moment, I really don't think he deserves the bollocking he's getting and I can't help feeling sorry for the guy, as well as the person who he does choose.
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I haven't seen it but can imagine he's being told by every man and his dog that he's making a huge mistake etc etc

I like Heather as a person - I think she was likeable from the minute she first appeared on the screen.

She's just not the one for Sam - fair enough. That's got to be his choice.

Like you I'm really not liking the way she was hung out to dry last night - it seemed unnecessarily cruel and up to that moment I'd thought Sam had more decency that to do that to a woman.

I'm conflicted because I like to think that production made him do it that way ... but still ... surely he could have given her some warning?

I'm conflicted because if he felt it was "friendzone" material why put her through opening up and exposing her life to the whole nation AND why kiss her and not allow her to feel some sign of gradual withdrawal from him - subtle message. She is not the sort of girl who would not pick up on vibes like that. But instead she was suckered in big time. THAT I don't like and THAT now has soured the way I perceive Sam.

That interview above just reinforces my knowledge that Heather is pretty damn great.
 
crimmy said:
I haven't seen it but can imagine he's being told by every man and his dog that he's making a huge mistake etc etc

I like Heather as a person - I think she was likeable from the minute she first appeared on the screen.

She's just not the one for Sam - fair enough. That's got to be his choice.

Like you I'm really not liking the way she was hung out to dry last night - it seemed unnecessarily cruel and up to that moment I'd thought Sam had more decency that to do that to a woman.

I'm conflicted because I like to think that production made him do it that way ... but still ... surely he could have given her some warning?

I'm conflicted because if he felt it was "friendzone" material why put her through opening up and exposing her life to the whole nation AND why kiss her and not allow her to feel some sign of gradual withdrawal from him - subtle message. She is not the sort of girl who would not pick up on vibes like that. But instead she was suckered in big time. THAT I don't like and THAT now has soured the way I perceive Sam.

That interview above just reinforces my knowledge that Heather is pretty damn great.
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Agree 100%
 
I'm finally watching last nights ep, I came in around Snez's family last night. Someone should watch it right now so that I have someone to chat to! Please!
 
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