SAD DAY TODAY
10th ANNIVERSARY SINCE THE LOSS OF "THE ONE" THAT I HOPED WOULD BE MINE FOREVER BY MY SIDE and ONE DAY, AS MY BRIDE.....
THE PAIN NEVER GOES.....SURE IT PEAKS AND SOME DAYS ARE MUCH BETTER THAN OTHERS...YET A THORN IN MY MOST SENSITIVE HEARTFELT CENTRE....ENDLESSLY
THE DAY WAS LONGER THAN ANY OTHER I HAVE EXPERIENCED///// EVER....ALBEIT IT NUMB AND DISTANT... THESE WORDS WERE WRITTEN WHEN I RETURNED FROM THE FINAL RESTING PLACE......
..and so you go leaving me here, in a room with a blank screen and empty slept in bed and white noise emanating from a lifeless tv.......... and so you left quickly as your arrival to me.....and we have said goodbyes before...and as i wiped your lips and face ,,,you opened the largest most beautiful eyes i have yet to see and said...'i might have known it would be you",,,,,you did see me...but not for long...and just like that old person with white thin legs in a nursing home on his 100th birthday you weeped out ' i don't want to die glen' but your blood came again and i held it in the palm of my hands as it left you one last time...this red, rich, darkening remnant ,,,,the end result of all those long days...and glorious nights,,and even though that old man is still alive at 101, we as a couple were not....we are not.
and you went as you arrived, you left me quickly, you left me many times before when i thought it would kill and i stood before the mirror with blade in two minds....but it did not..as you always , eventually, returned
now i have turned off the tv and somebody driving by toots a horn into nothingness...
the indictment is FINAL: I will not find you in the streets nor will the phone ever ring, and yet each moment will not let me be
it is not enough that there are many deaths and that this is not the first: it is not enough that i may live more days , perhaps , more years
it is not enough !!!!
the phone is like a dead piece of wood that will not speak.
it has spoken but always the wrong voice now
honey, i have waited before and you have always walked thru that door,,,,
now you must wait for me
14 april 2005
