The Psychology/Body Language/Personality Thread

reepbot

EVE MOREY FOR GOLD LOGIE!
#1
Post articles from the internet to do with psychology, body language or personality and we can discuss them. Or maybe we can talk about psychology, body language, psychology in general. Because reality tv filled under the prism of three subjects, i believe, turn a everyday ordinary event of watching tv to something much more amazing than that.
 

reepbot

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#7
That article finally led me to the name of the psychological effect I was looking for some time back on this forum. The propinquity effect. I rather like that word! It means developing affection/liking people you spend more time with. So thanks for that reepbot!
like i have with toastmasters?
 

reepbot

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#9
well i wouldn't say i liked all of them there. just some people. as you do because you can't like everyone.

i had to chuckle at that study about men overrating their attractiveness to their women friends and women underratting their attractiveness to their women friends.
 

Mooseface

Little known member
#11
well i wouldn't say i liked all of them there. just some people. as you do because you can't like everyone.

i had to chuckle at that study about men overrating their attractiveness to their women friends and women underratting their attractiveness to their women friends.
Well of course not.

I just think it's a slightly odd concept. Because I can't see how you can even develop a relationship with someone you don't spend time with.
 

reepbot

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#12
Well of course not.

I just think it's a slightly odd concept. Because I can't see how you can even develop a relationship with someone you don't spend time with.
you could say everyone you meet you have a relationship with even if it is only for a few seconds.
 

reepbot

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#13

@kxk you talking about the imprinting and what attracts us to each other in the 'today i...' thread reminded me of this video i watched last year on youtube.
 

reepbot

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#16
OK @reepbot - what draws people to other people, to you to me...............to noooooooooo go away, to oh come closer.
I have a few facts, a few theories, a few experiences, calculations and other stuff:)

Pheromones, chemistry, chemicals
Charisma, charm, good/bad vibes

Physical presence/athleticism, beauty

Openness/curiosity/inquisitiveness/intelligence

Hands/eyes/necks

Sensitivity, elegance/style/grace

Confidence, good humour, expressiveness, clear thinking, clear communication skills

Lots of stuff makes us warm to some, avoid others.
Interesting, when I was first introduced to 200 cousins at a family reunion - it was very apparent there is a familial link and comfort.
We felt we had known each other for years, instantly comfortable and on the same wavelength, a vibe of connection, and a lot of resemblance.

Families and siblings, your place in a family, all that has an effect.
I kept big sistering youngest kids in relationships until I realised watching my boyfriend and sis have eating comps, omg they are the same person, spoilt brats & manipulative.

And have you heard of imprinting? Family stuff again, you tend to partner like a sibling or parent.
And I really wanted a tall dark handsome partner, and every long term partner I have/had is like my younger fair fit sporty brother - my closest sibling.
For some reason in real life people tell me everything - they blurt out EVERYTHING, when I have had colleagues complain they can't get clients to tell them stuff, I have the opposite problem, I can't shut them up - well i can actually I am good at escaping.
Unless it is for work stuff - I hate over sharers, run a mile from people who do that too quickly, dangerous always.

Something to remember - it gets easier as you get older, as you aren't so self conscious and you just don't give a shit anymore.
And - often personality types that are attractive when younger are just tiresome later, ie those bubbly vivacious young people, often end up being attention seeking boring wankers.

And @reepbot I found toastmaster people totally fake and shallow, try volunteering I am telling you you will not regret it.
Do you do anything to make the world a better place? Think about just doing something small even.

Some people just give off wonderful vibes, gentleness, warmth, spirituality - see the Dali Laama:)
i apologize in advance for this jumbled mess.

I agree with your list of things you have put in your post. All these exciting and variable factors that attract people to one another.

Interesting comment you make about Toastmasters people being fake and shallow. I mean I suppose everyone would have different experiences there and that no two clubs can truly be the same. However there is truth in what you said there. And I say that having really enjoyed myself at that place. I enjoy it for the ability to show off my writing and performing in front of people. Also getting a laugh is infectious. But apart from one or two people that i have grown to like over the months and wouldn't mind being friends with i really feel no connection to the other people. if i moved and went to another club i would not miss those people apart from a couple and i doubt they would miss me. but i guess that is the nature of it when you only meet for a couple of hours every fortnight.

not forgetting though that a toastmasters meeting is highly structured and social stuff is only before, after or during the break. some people love to be social and chat over a tim tam and tea. i can't do that. making small talk with someone who i might not ever see again. for you see in toastmasters you get a high rollover of members. people who join but have work or family committments and don't realise the effort you have to put in to toastmasters for it to be able to work. and when you have so many balls in the air something has to drop and that will always be toastmasters. most toastmasters clubs seem to have elderly people in it and the unemployed because of obvious reason. but mostly old people. my club has a few younger members. infact a visiting President commented that my club has a lot of young people compared to other clubs in our area and looking at facebook of the other clubs what she said was true.

The thing is though is that like you said toastmaster people can be fake and shallow. I have seen that at my club. People with their phony smiles and inscincere handshakes. All designed to lure you in so they can boost up their membership bumbers. As membership is the most crucial thing for toastmasters clubs. and you know what? i say good on them. they are only doing what they can to keep their club afloat. i personally can't berate them for that. Of course not everyone in Toastmasters are like that. I mean in my club there are people like that. but there are also people who enjoy meeting new people and finding about everything about them. who enjoy the small talk and the social chit chat. like i mentioned it before i really hate doing that. i know it is a part of life and if i have to do it i will. i won't shy away from that sort of stuff but i will not actively pursue it.

i have learnt many things in toastmasters. all about public speaking and body language and stuff that i could fill many posts on. stuff that i never knew and stuff that i had learnt back in high school drama. but in relation to what we are talking about: what attracts us to other people. what makes us think a person would be a good friend even though we may not fully know them, i found one interesting lesson during my time at toastmasters. this is something that i may have already known in the back of my head, but i think going to toastmasters kind of crystalized it for me in a way. i am not sure how to put this in a way that makes sense but i will try. what i found is that i am attracted more to people who don't dish out praise so easily. who when they compliment you then you can feel happy because you know they truly meant it. the reason that relates to toastmasters is because you get praised a lot in there, and sometimes well most times the praise can soun fake and shallow. compliments with what one might percieve as an ulterior moment. but like i said before i don't really blame them for doing it. i know i do it at times. to be honest i think we all do it. praise without soul. however i think that is what makes the real compliments all the more special. and the praise i appreciate the most seem to be from people who don't dish out praise that often. because there is a person like that at tm. who isn't effusive about everyone and who are very level headed in their evaluations. they have said a couple of nice things to me and it has made my night because i know that they meant it. so yeah i guess in one sense that is one person at tm that isn't fake or shallow lol.

the reason i keep mentioning toastmasters and the reason i keep talking about this person with the limited compliments is because it has to do with why i asked you that question in the first place. because for some unexplained reason i find myself drawn to this person. i keep thinking to myself "i reckon she would make a good friend". and the weird thing is that i don't normally think like that. i don't go around thinking who would be a good friend and who wouldn't. the other strange thing and the thing that is really freaking me out is i don't really know her (like i said bad at smalltalk) yet i find myself drawn to her. and i dont mean for physical reasons obviously, i mean for reasons that i don't quite understand and i am not sure i ever will. anyway i thought you ought to know the reason why i made that question to ask you.

i have heard of imprinting and i find it fascinating. except i think i need to look into it deeper for a more better understanding of the subject. what i have read and heard about though makes so much sense. i mean of course it would make sense that your choice of partner will be influenced by your past in relation to your primary caregiver. how could it not? as much as we try to deny them or move past them because they don't fit our idealized universe they will always be in our subconcious i reckon. you mentioning of imprinting made me think of the kind of women i am attracted too. because i have to say that my primary caregiver would have to have been my mum. so does that mean i am going to be attracted to women that look like my mum (blonde) or women with personalities like my mum (argumentative, health concious, quick to anger, very kind and generous)? because brisbane lady didn't fit any of that (apart from the kindness one) and we drifted apart. i wonder if imprinting explains my, or rather explained my attraction to inigo? i think in some ways it might have especially in the arguing side of things. like i have mentioned many many times before if i argue with you that means i like you. and when i say argue i mean like a proper argument with give and take. not one where we both try and try to insult one another. but like i said i have already mentioned that before.

i might write more tomorrow.
 

reepbot

EVE MOREY FOR GOLD LOGIE!
#17
today i went to a executive meeting at toastmasters. normally some clubs don't have it and others do but every club is different i guess. what interested me more though is the discussion of many people, some who have not been at the meetings foor ages, who seem to be drifting away from the club for various reasons. and others who are thinking of quitting. and thinking about that made me think about many things. it first made me think about going to their facebook pages and seeing the photos and going back in time and thinking to myself "Wow i haven't seen those people in a long time. seems like only yesterday that i was speaking to them at a meeting" and then i forget about them.

more importantly though it made me think about how it probably isn't a very good idea to develop friendships at toastmasters. because like @kxk said they can be very fickle and shallow. i mean like i said previously there are some nice people there. people that will make you feel good. but that is just mere shopkeeper politeness. there is nothing indepth about and nor should i think one should expect to find something indepth at a toastmasters meeting. people come and people go. and i don't really think it is good for me to want develop friendships because that might affect my speeches. let me explain. you see if i develop a friendship with people there then i start to care what they think, what they feel and all that jazz. so when i write my speeches then i don't write them effectively. because i am stifled with such thoughts like: "oh should i write that it may offend her." or "they won't find that funny i dont think and they will stare at me with her big judgemental eyes and tut tut tut at me and i will feel awful". and that kind of anxiety can hamper creativity i believe. i will not be able to write or perform good speeches if my brain is taken up with such thoughts. i need to be free. free from such constricting thoughts to create art. ok maybe not art but something that isn't so bad. i don't know it can be hard to explain. point is though that i think for me friendships at toastmasters is a no go.

but should i still continue to try making friends elsewhere? maybe, maybe. volunteering may be an option for making friends but i think they may not be in my age group. and besides it can be difficult to relate deeply to other people with different life experiences. that doesn't mean i won't volunteer. it is just that i don't think making friends there would really work. i could join another club. i mean i did venture into other clubs before but i found out it wasn't really for me. by that i mean i found the atmosphere to be a bit unpleasant. it just didn't feel right for me.

problem is that my introverted nature can make it hard for me to connect to people. especially in real life. which is why i like my internet life better. in my internet life i can take longer to connect to people or maybe ummm get to know them better would be a better word to choose i think. that's because i think i read in real life you only get so long to make an impression but online you get a bit longer. i'll use this forum as an example. over time i have found it easier to connect to some people here than others and i am not sure i would have gotten that oppurtunity in a real life setting. because i think my personality is in a group setting is slow to reveal myself and then slowly but surely reveal different parts of myself but not the whole personality. so yeah i really like that. although now to be honest i'm kind of searching for other forums to post in as well as this one. because it is my personal opinion that this forum gets so borrrring and slowwwww during reality tv season and more exciting during non-reality tv summer. i think it is because posters have to really think about what to post when there is no reality tv to guide them. i am including me in that of course. i haven't been watching much reality tv lately but when i did i didn't really have to stretch my creativity. if i ever did an analysis of my posts i would probably find that my better posts come in the summertime period. that is just the way it is i found. so yeah i am still looking at other forums to post on. it can be tricky because you don't want to find a forum that is too big that you can't really make an impression, but not too small either that you feel like you are talking to yourself.

i am not sure if you people remember but at the start of year one of my new years resolutions was to find a friend. by that i meant a woman friend. i would kill myself if i ever was friends with a man. and i do seriously mean that.
 

Meglos

HAVE A NECTARINE, GONK
#18
i am not sure if you people remember but at the start of year one of my new years resolutions was to find a friend. by that i meant a woman friend. i would kill myself if i ever was friends with a man. and i do seriously mean that.
I don't usually respond to these kind of posts, but if no one else is going to...
Taking you on your word that this bit was serious and not random nonsense or baiting, I don't think I've ever heard anyone express this before. Certainly not a male at least. Care to elaborate?
 

reepbot

EVE MOREY FOR GOLD LOGIE!
#19
I don't usually respond to these kind of posts, but if no one else is going to...
Taking you on your word that this bit was serious and not random nonsense or baiting, I don't think I've ever heard anyone express this before. Certainly not a male at least. Care to elaborate?
i will. later.
 

kxk

SAPIOSEXUAL
#20
Watch this on SBS
http://www.sbs.com.au/ondemand/video/608475715863/how-to-find-love-online

Disregard the title, it is more about what attracts us to one another in general.
And, in the 2nd half, there is scientist who has conducted ground breaking research around dopamine & serotonin in individuals and how this predicts compatibility.

She hasn't published yet, but this could be rather astonishingly effective for match-making.
Dopamine predominate people, opposites attract and suit; serotonin people need similar types.

Anyway, I am going to rewatch as I only saw the end bit.
Coincidence it popped up when we were discussing this topic. Very interesting about how to attract people online.
And they test the brains of twin brothers to reveal interesting stuff.
 
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