Jo Thornely recaps The Bachelor episode 10
- 36 MINUTES AGO AUGUST 27, 2015 8:47PM
Be still our beating hearts. Now if we can just think of a joke about cones or soft serve. If only he was wearing greensleeves.
Source: NewsComAu
Welcome to Episode 10 of The Bachelor, with sightless flirts, dirt desserts, and a bunch of skirts. Can you feel the tension? Mmm, sexy, sexy tension.
Everyone sits in the Womansion pretending not to hate the new girls, when Osher arrives with TWO envelopes. Ebru, ever the facially-expressive bridesmaid who says ‘literally’ a lot, crosses her fingers anxiously.
The first is a single date for Heather, who is absolutely delighted.
Tee hee, I feel so girlie, dude. Kawabanga! Source: Channel 10
Ebru, it’s fair to say, is less delighted.
I am LITERALLY going to chew through a plank. Source: Channel 10
The second envelope contains a group date, and the girls wait until Osher has finished babbling about the anthropology of attraction before whizzing off to a hotel with Sam. They don’t know what they’re doing there, but like most of the dates so far, they know they have to be blind to get through it.
Thighs wide shut ladies, this is a family hotel. Source: Channel 10
In order to get to know each other non-visually, the group has a dinner party in a pitch-black room via the magic of night-vision cameras and plastic wine glasses.
Going around the inky black table, Snezana and Nina have a great time, and may be the most adorable couple ever to come out of The Bachelor.
You sound great. Thanks, you too. Source: Channel 10
Ebru has her pants soaked with spilt wine, and reacts both facially and verbally like she’s just had a sandwich at Katz’s Deli.
I’ll LITERALLY have what she’s having. Source: Channel 10
Rachel doesn’t like to speak or be spoken to, so takes advantage of the cover of darkness to do some food blogging.
ROTFLMFAO!!
I’m not here to make friends, I’m here for noodles. Source: NewsComAu
While Lana lays some excellent romantic groundwork directly into Sam’s eager mouth.
Here comes the choo choo, you rugged beast. Source: Channel 10
Without him even being visually influenced by her impossible curtain of cascading curls, Sam rewards Lana with some time in a comparatively well-lit room. The sparks are also clearly visible as they gaze into each other’s eyes and murmur the word “chemistry” back and forth, and she’s all like “would you say hello to me at a party” and he’s all like “Shyeah”.
It really gets on Ebru’s nerves.
Plus it looks like she’s in the world’s girliest street gang. Source: Channel 10 COULDN'T someone have said ummm you can take the blindfold off your head now
The next day, chipping away at my determination not to be impressed by him, Sam picks Heather up for their date in a Mr Whippy van.
Da DUM da DUM da-da DUM da DUM ... Source: Channel 10
It’s even better if you imagine a bunch of puffed out, disappointed children running behind it. It’s a bit nice, and even a blindfolded food blogger could probably see how relaxed and happy they are together.
Arriving at a garden, we’re reminded how much producers on this show really love wrapping crap with flowers.
yeah the womansion is hideously over done!!
That there is some fancy, fancy crap. Source: Channel 10
There’s a table covered with all sorts of glorious edible cutesy flowers and animals, tailor-made for anyone who’s ever wanted to eat their way through a children’s book.
Today’s book is called Heather And Sam Are Going To Bite Your Face Off. Source: Channel 10
As Heather points out, there’s even twelve different kinds of edible dirt. “Twelve different kinds of dirt is my favourite!” she squeals, and dammit if I don’t like her as well now.
They rush headlong into a mutual sugar-high, each displaying their culinary rapture in their own unique way.
Heather like can’t even. Source: Channel 10
I totally eated a flower! Source: Channel 10
LMAO
Meanwhile, discussion at the Womansion centres on how the intruders are settling in. Everyone agrees that there’s a spark between Lana and Sam, and that Rachel is as warm as a penguin’s bum-feathers.
Amen sister!!
Rachel herself seems to agree. “To be honest I’m not really too concerned about the other girls”, she says. “If I wanted to make friends I would have joined my local touch football team.” As a side note, Rachel’s new album Weirdly Specific Analogiesis available now on iTunes.
!!!!!!!
Back on Sam and Heather’s date, the couple has moved to a couch, presumably to commemorate the 100th appearance of a couch in this series. I begrudgingly admit that these two are adorable together, and Heather agrees. “This is the first time any man has made me feel like I’m worth a lot of effort”, she says. It’s true, three producers, a set-dresser, a dessert chef and a work experience guy worked their guts out for this date.
Heather suggests to us that she might be falling in love, and gets a rose and a pash.
Probably a bit disappointing after eating a bunny rabbit’s eye. Source: Channel 10
Osher Günsberg @oshergunsberg 2h2 hours ago
