Stacy Appreciation thread

[Dorsal]

Yes she did ask if she could take with...maybe Warhol was correct...but me thinks her time is up.

 

[SnideAsides]

I have a feeling if we saw more of stacey she'd get very annoying.

I think she's annoying now. I barely have enough time to deal with the real Zooey Deschanel, I don't need some pale imitation whose clearly obsessed with throwing "LOL" and "Totes Amazeballs" around the place.

 

[pecan]

I've been having a read through Stacey's Tumblr account which Oddjob posted in the housemate links thread and thought I'd post a few of her blog posts here, for anyone wanting more of an insight into her than we get from the Daily Shows.

This is one of her first ones:

6th Jun 2011

Le Bucket List

In no particular order

- Move and live in NYC

- Make Flamingos legal to become household pets

- Submit my songs and sketches to production companies then see them be published

- Tell my old science teach Ms C**** she is a dwarf like c*** and needs a cock up her

- Make a short film with my friends

- Win a short film festival on that movie we make

- Hopefully make some money, but not that important, would be noice

- Rape someone

- Just kidding!! .did i get you..i just threw that in to spice things up a little bit as my list is pretty gay and boring, rape is no bucket list worthy on any level

- Learn how to say no

- Fall in love

- Ensure the boy loves you back

- Learn the guitar, then buy one and name it ‘gary’

- Learn french, swedish and greek languages (in no particular order)

- Exercise more

- Shop more

- Learn to shut my mouth better

- Start and run my own creative business

- Open a shop thats also the best coffee place in town, mixed with a vintage dress up hire shop, oh and its by the seaside too

- Fall in love again

- Publish a book of my recipe of dips

- Elope

- Try to avoid divorce

- Buy more clothes

- Make sure my parents and everyone else i love are happy

- Live in a country with 365 days of sun for at least one year

- Have my own place that i get so obsessed with doing up with trinkets i end up not leaving my house until its complete then have a themed party to celebrate me finally leaving my possibly nautical themed apartment

- Keep trying to learn the guitar, then mix it up with the cowbell

- Give everyone i love more cuddles and squeeze them so tight till they say rack off

- Start and market a dance routine that turns into a craze like the macerena then i own the rights to it and sell it and make some moolah off it and also perfom it at bartmitzfers

- More cuddles, less talking.

Enjoy my brain explosions, its not very good but i guess its the start of something thats something x

6th Jun 2011

Destined to be Swedish?

Im going to Sweden this weekend for my bosses wedding, one of my favourite lines for the brillant Ricky Gervais version of The Office was from Tim “The only thing you have in common with people that you work with is the carpet you walk on, your just a bunch of random people thrown into a workplace” which is so true, working in an office is so like, your basically forced to sit around and work upon randoms, but you walk on the same carpet. Alas, i am lucky enough to work with crazy and creative people, we are all staying in one big swedish cottage on the weekend so its going to be FUN!

My entire time in London i have been surrounded by swedish people, the agency i work in London is filled up and owned by this amazing sweet and also very successful woman who we do short films festivals with, lets me and the creatives manage our own fashion tv thing just cool things like that i think is good in a manager, the first flat i lived in Notting Hill was also occupied by 2 hot swedish chicks who i have become very close with, My favourite ads are the ikea ones, if i could fuck a bar of chocolate it would be that swedish Daim chocolate, oh and i have never told anyone this but there is a song written about me called Dancing Queen by this band called Abba.

The thing i have noticed most about my dealings with the swedish people about how drivin and ambitious they are, when they do something they do it well, but do it in a really kind manner, i love that.

My roommate E**** is like little pet animal that when i see her i want to squeeze her so tight that i want to kill her because i love her so much, you know..like a pet you that you really love and you want to squeeze to death, we have the best time together, everynight is like a slumber party, i put on Salt and Pepper and dance in my underpants for her and she puts on Alice Cooper and pretends to play guitar like she is on stage. Sometimes we dont talk in a normal language, no shit, we just say things like POO to eachother and dont really speak english, we are composing a swedish rap together.

We went to a swedish rock concert last weekend which was awesome, i asked her how to say something in swedish and i thought i was really cool and said it to some swedish people and apparently it turns out i said “suck my cock”…BRILLIANT.

Anywho, i cant wait to go to Sweden this weekend to be surrounded by my friends and to see my boss glow and look amazing as she walks down the isle in the Dolce and Gabbana shoes i told her she should buy.

I hope you enjoy my Swedish montage.

xx

6th Jun 2011

Justify My Love

Im not going to lie, i love Madonna, The Immaculate Collection album shaped my childhood…I just watched the Justify my Love filmclip before bed, holy shit… now i feel funny.

It reminded me of when i was 16 i got a vibrator then i was scared so much by the power it took over me didn’t leave my room for a whole weekend, told my mum i had the flu then got so grossed out by myself so i ended up burying it in the back garden. Totally going to get my dig on when im home, fingers crossed its still there so i can hide it in my old bitch neighbours letterbox and then film her reaction when she finds the little plastic devil.

Everyone knows the bitch im talking about on W******* Rd in G********, its time for some older and wiser revenge ya’ll!

Sleep well and Stay Black xx

15th Jun 2011

Office Conversation Today

After my collegue just coming up to me at my desk and stroking my head with a banana…

“Its surprising how comforting it is to be stroked on the head by a banana”

End.

19th Jun 2011

Photographer Froth: A***** J******

I just really love this ladies style of shots, i have actually met her at my agency and made her a cup of peppermint tea as we used her for an idea we were doing for HBO, she actually was a bit of a bitch but then again it could of also been my water to tea bag ratio she wasn’t down for in the cup i made for her (its a very important thing for english people…the tea)

Anywho, if you look close you see they are just fake celebs shot very candid, soft, and in compromising/intimate positions, i guess i like them so much because it makes you look at celebs as if they are not just a fantasy, maybe they are real people? don’t you feel like that too? when i ever see a famous person or watch a band play live….it makes me buzz out because really they are usually part of this fantasy world in my head i.e music in your ipod, celebs in magazines….i have always said that i don’t believe Hollywood is a real place i just read about it and book tickets for my boss to go, but i know its not real, none of it is.

21st Jun 2011 | 1 note

Office Conversation Today

K*** B***, Producer: “Wren, stand up”

I stand up

“Look at you, no bum, sparrow legs, googely eyed, you look like an upside down mop and you sound like a trumpet”

I stand for a while, reflect, nod my head and sit back down again

I think im actually going to miss this place

xx

22nd Jun 2011

Dear Aunty Stace,

I really like to masturbate about clouds, yes acutal clouds, the ones in the sky, it gets me off, the pretty formations etc of clouds, so moist.

Does this make me weird?Any advice?

Best,

Moist cloud lover x

——————————————————————————————-

Moist Cloud Lover,

Wowzers, i get some crazy shit to answer too from time to time in my millions and trillions of advice mail but this one has really touched sky high (pun intended)

I mean really, your fucked, your fantasies are not going to change, its a bit of a sick thing to get off on, but hey who am i to judge? I say keep rolling with what you love, perhaps take yourself down to the really early park when the sun rises and do what you do best to those amazing cloud formations, or install a skylight in your room to avoid public humiliation.

And remember as Tupac said “I see no changes, all i see is racist faces” (Thats got nothing to do with your problem, i just had that part of the song stuck in my head so i thought i should throw it in just to get it on the page and out of my head)

Lots of love, lols and cheeky finger

Aunty Stace xx

 

[pecan]

More:

23rd Jun 2011

I wish he was my boyfriend, silent tear.

I still remember where i was exactly when i heard the news that he died, just like Princess Di, 9/11, isn’t that a funny thing that you remember where you where, what you ate, even down to what you wore when you hear tragic news, i was reading something the other day about how its a physcological thing that registrates. It must have something to do with distorted memories, i read that 75% of black participants had flashbulb memories of the murder of Martin Luther King, compared to the study of 33% of white people, i guess it personally more relevant to some but i still think its interesting.

24th Jun 2011

Its a sad day today in the office

Its the last time i get to work with one of my favourite creative, L** E*****.

You are the most halerious, smelliest, smartest boss/director i have ever worked for, you have reduced me to almost tears many times countless times due to embarressment, failure and laughter….i will not forget the things you have taught me, it has been such a pleasure to work with you, i call you my big brother and i actually mean it i couldn’t have survived London without your help!

Idiots forver xx

A montage of L** and Myself join ventures.

26th Jun 2011

That awkward moment when..

You get a txt from someone from your work on a friday night saying….

‘Hey Stace, i found some lace undies in on the floor of mens toilets tonight, im assuming they are yours. anyway, i have popped them in the cupboard of the ladies loo if you want them back’

1. Fine, yes, they were mine…but why does one assume? people are so racist these days.

2. I only took them off because they were riding up my ass all day all and i couldn’t walk properly so had to replace with fresh ones (calvin klein sale 7 quid, fuck yeah).. the oldies must of fell out of my bag.

3. I was only in the mens toilets because i am really trying to critique my standing up and pissing like a man party trick technique.

3. I am never usually one to get embarressed but i am really not looking forward to work tomorrow morning.

Wish me luck, and always remember… its ok to wanna pee sometimes like a man.

26th Jun 2011

Explains my life at the moment, i have so many things in my head and i don’t know what way to go

26th Jun 2011

Thats me and my big brother

I have been hanging with my brother who has just come from Sydney, when we were little one of the only things i remember is putting on the ghostbusters soundtrack and then him and i dancing like spastics high on those false teeth lollies and fanta running around the living room, we were two peas in a pod!

Its been 2 years since i have seen him so i thought maybe we had both grown up a little bit, i was surely proven wrong when we went out the other night to a bar that had a floor that lit up when you dance on it like a bee gees film clip, now, high on alcohol we ripped up the dancefloor like it was our old loungeroom, it was so fun! now he is living in london and im going home, not fair. I hope him and M** have as much fun as i did and wish them the best of luck and love xx

30th Jun 2011

The nicest thing my boss has ever done to me.

It was my sad sad leaving lunch today at Devilfish, as per usual i got boozy and started being innapropriate, smelling people and talking about pajazzeling (the art of how diamonties are stuck onto your doodles)…wine was flowing, sun was out, food was amazing, it was great.

When people leave my boss R****** usually does a speech about, decided to mix things up for me, and wrote a poem. It went like this if you can’t read it in the sketch he gave to me above.

Stacey Wren, Stacey Wren, Stacey Wren

The office comedian (and danger to men)

Stacey, stacey, stacey wren

I asked for a pencil….she gave me a pen.

More electricity then 10 pungeons

Stacey, Stacey, Stacey Wren

Youv’e spelt appointment with one p and three n’s

Stacey, Stacey, Stacey Wren

Her cup of tea making is now a 10 out of 10

Stacey, Stacey, Stacey Wren

I hope one day you will be back in the office again.

Bless your creative soul R****** H***** *. Your amazing x

* I spelt your name wrong just to fuck you off in case you read this

30th Jun 2011 | 1 note

Le Soul Le Cleanse

I have been so so blessed to have met some incredible people here in London, i don’t believe in god, actually i am a bit of fucking antichrist, anyway god if you are reading this, first of all thank you for the creation of TopShop, Pot, and iPods, oh and also i probably should give that mother effer a highest of 5 for putting me in such a great office with inspiring people and putting me in the place of meeting great friends, i came to London alone, running away from Sydney for reasons close friends know of and now im going back to Auckland, my teenage home. I’d like to say a woman but i still giggle at the words ‘Penis’ and ‘Pee’ and usually lose my shit when someone farts so i don’t think i am a complete woman yet. But i am working on it i promise.

Anywho, i am so excited to be going away from London with a beautiful little friend i have swooped up and stolen from the world and we are going to this crazy little hippy village in Turkey with no electricty, they just do yoga on the beach, learn how to play guitar, eat veggie food too recleansing our souls, we both kinda need it, someone once said to me that London is the city that chews you up and spits you out which is kinda true, but its still the best place in the world.

Its only a month away and it couldnt’ come sooner! i want to be me again for a bit, ive been a little lost at late, mainly due to self inflicted drama, im going to learn a song at the hippy village and blog the shit out of it.

4th Jul 2011

Reunited at last!

This time tomorrow morning i am going to be reunited with my best friend who i have known since i was 3 years, she knows me better than anyone else and we are going to travel europe for 3 weeks to the places below, i don’t feel fully prepared i kinda don’t believe its real that i will be seeing her, but i bet you i will cry like a bitch at the airport, my tears don’t come often for some strange reason (still convinced im a man) but i know its going to be so special catching up with her properly, missing out on 2 years of eachothers shenanigans its going to be pretty funnaayy! i wonder if we have both changed much at all, i’d like to say i haven’t but im pretty sure i am still the same dag i have always been. still working on that one.

 

[pecan]

And travelling:

12th Jul 2011

Paris: Frogs legs, food poisening and way too many public displays of affection

Me and L***** jumped on the Eurostar and ended up in Paris last week, we had about 3 days there and it was really beautiful, in the afternoon we went to the Eiffel Tower, and no matter what peope say it still is such an amazing monument, makes you take a deep breath and go aaawwwww…and then makes you want to grab the the person next to you and give them a big sloppy kiss. I had two choices of people next to me, an old 89 year old lady who was probably called Doris who was wear a low sensible slingback heel, and my hot blonde best friend, despite what you may all think Doris wasn’t my type (had really scabby feet) so i went for the cheeky love ridden peck with my bestie, hopefully it brings me luck in the lluurrvee department, although im pretty sure it won’t (happy on my man ban) i decided hope is now my new religion, oh and those caramel stoop waffles from Amsterdam are too, but we will get to that bit later.

After our token Eiffel pics we headed to this cute little french cafe (the streets are ridden with them, everyone its outside, drinks expresso, smokes ciggies, judges peoples outfits, and makes out with there lovers)

We had such a lovely afternoon drinking wine, smoking, peering and being jealous about the french couple basically dry humping on the table in front of us and basically catching up everything that we have missed out on eachothers lives for the past 2 years, me telling A***** about all the weird things i have been up to in London, her telling me about her new found single life, us talking about hopes, dreams, travels, clothes, weight gain and loss, and realising really that no matter how long its its been, when your friends, time does nothing to you both, you are still really (well, we are) 2 little girls with big wide eyes and walk around in a dream. Everyone says that its the city of love and dog poo, and i totally believe it!

The next couple of days where mainly spent around walking around Paris talking, me dancing and rapping, and fucking our faces with amazing parisian food.

I tried the snails, which i thought were a bit overrated, they sort of really just taste like fake meat with lots of garlic in them. A***** got the frogs legs and then they gave her food poisening which then proceeded us to hang in hotel for the whole night and then i got to watch french TV which was awesome, turns out the channels i was flicking through were our clients Canal+ from Devilfish so it was really really cool to see the work on TV.

We wandered around the amazing streets of Montemarte which is totally where i would call home if lived in Paris, its a really boho place, filled with amazing art, squats, beautiful flower bed ridden apartments, hot crazy artisical men and musicians, the whole feel of it is just creativity, i just love places like that, they set a little flicker of spark through me and my eyes just go wide and i smile.

Next stop is Amsterdam, the city of pretty canals, bike riding, legalised weed smoking and live sex shows.

12th Jul 2011 | 1 note

Amsterdam: The Swamp donkey sex show and Stoop waffles

I think there is something in the air of Amsterdam that makes you go a little bit crazy, come to think of it its probably the air of weed, stag doos, sex and stoop waffles (so fucking good, basically dried waffles stuck together in a biscuit of caramel)

After we checked in we headed to the bar and met this americano jock guy called ‘J***’, for some reason, everytime i meet americans and i talk to them i feel like im in the babysitters club movie, something about there accents just doesn’t make life seem real, after a few drinks and me boring the fuck out of this guy by constantly asking him on his thoughts about the american government, Bush vs Obama, Glee vs Californication, the real meaning behind peanut butter and jelly sandwhices etc. He told me that he didn’t smoke weed, i couldn’t fathom this so A***** and i decided it was time to take little J***** boy, the college grad dressed for a walk to a coffee shop in the red light district.

We got to this cute little cafe by the canals and i ordered us a spliff, A*****, Me, J***, and his boring married couple american friends who also tagged along for the puff puff give ride.

J*** was trying to impress the fuck out of A***** so he was getting his puff daddy on.com, anyway after about 5 minutes, J*** started to sweat like a peodophile on a school bus, i didn’t notice at this time i was too busy having conversations with myself about the paintings of the dogs on the walls, happens often. J*** got up and then lost feeling in his legs and fell over right in the middle of the cafe, he couldn’t walk so everyone was looking at us, we needed to get the fuck out of there aSAP, so to paint this picture, it was two girls dragging this big black basketball player looking of a guy out of this coffeeshop by his arms and legs. We propped him out outside and gave him (what apparently is the trick if you ever green out) a cup of water with 3 lumps of sugar in it.

Looking after J*** outside was boring and gay, so we left him to green out with the boring married couple, told them they should buy a girl in the window to spice things up and headed off to check out some whores in the windows ourselves, its the weirdest thing when you see them, kinda distressing, you try not to look them in the eye, but you want to and when you do its like i wonder what they thinking when they look at you, is sadness? is it help me? or is it HAHA i fuck for a living and get paid for it? i don’t know but its seedy. I just want to go in there, shoot the pimp, and set them free.

We wandered around for a bit and then went for a couple of drinks and met these English guys who had just finished there weekend stag doo (of course) after some more drinks and a couple of in depth conversations about cheese, they offered all of there leftover weed and mushrooms as they couldn’t take them on the flight. It would have been rude to say no.

The night started to get hazier, our conversations got slurrier, im pretty sure i had lipstick on my forehead at one stage, there was busking to strangers, dancing and fun involved, we even bumped into people from Sydney that we knew (how the fuck is that possible, people from the same area you end up seeing half way across the world!) all in all we had a funny night, won’t go into too much detail mainly because i can’t remember, but it was fun.

The next day after a hazy xanax sleep we propped ourselves in the sun the the amazing Vondel park, had some mushies, rode some bikes and tripped our faces off on children, trees, clouds, my homeless man like feet, this crazy guy that was doing yoga in front of us that i want to marry and to top off the day, seeing a young couple in the ugliest of wedding attire i have ever witnessed. It was great.

A***** was frothing to go and see a sex show, she has all these list ticking things to do, i wasn’t at all keen but i was stoned so i just went for pure entertainment purposes and to watch the girls faking it faces.

I had seen one before in Thailand but this one really took the cake, first off this fat coked up whore came out on stage and got her self off with a vibrator to the song ‘Zombie’ by The Cranberries, how that song is sexual in anyway i just don’t know but someones grandpa up the front of the stage was clapping along to the vag show so i guess it tickled his fanny, pun intended, it didn’t stop there, then a couple came out on stage, no shit, the guy had a mullet, and was wearing cargo pants, the two worst things in the world, and then him and this feral looking swamp donkey of a woman danced around the stage and proceeding to mate to what used to be one of my favourite songs Bed of Roses by Jon Bon Jovi, i was tripping my face off and it was making me want to vom vom, i have now deleted both those songs from my ipod and continued my hatred towards men. Anyway i was almost about to gap then this beautiful girl came out on stage and danced around to my fav White Stripes song I just don’t know what to do with myself, so we stayed (i swear i just wanted to hear the song) anyway she was awesome i was laughing my head off with A***** in the corner and she pulled out this neon ribbon out of her Va Jay Jay which was pretty impressive, i thought playing the trumpet with my mouth to any old tune was a gift but this girl, pulling a neon 200 metre ribbon out of the fan is a pure talent! So she saved the show a little!

Had lots of fun in Amsterdam, but really ready for detox, my Tina Fey autobiography and relaxing in sun in Cinque Tierre, Italy!

xxx

 

[pecan]

30th Aug 2011

The Vampire Obsession evolves

I actually really love this shoot Lagerfield photographed and art directed himself may i just add, but i still can’t fathom the obbsession with vampires, if everyone is so obsessed with blood go and eat out a girl with her period and then tell me how obsessed you are then.

1st Sep 2011

Being home…

Is this…

I don’t even know what to write about it, its almost beyond words, i guess they say actions speak louder than words but to me that doesn’t make sense personally because i am not getting any action and every word i usually say is way louder than an action. Meh. I guess i am much more zen now, actually that is a lie its a fucking mare trying to get a job again, people firing questions at you asking you ‘can you do this?’ can you do that?

It makes you second guess yourself a bit, for the first time in my life the other day i think i actually made the first move in my life where i trusted and went with my gut feeling, i hope for my good gut trusting something good happens, prefrebly in the form of money, nuttella, expensive clothing or just some sort of great job and man (in no particular order)

1st Sep 2011

A little story about this carving

When i was in Santorini, Greece, i found this tiny little shop with cool wooden carving things etc, and the lady and her shop behind the counter were marvelling at this carving (below) i was like ohh that is so cool! turns out her husband had made it for her, they had their first kiss under a tree as high school sweethearts….being the undercover hopeless romantic that i am i was totally foaming at the muff and almost welled up with tears…then she let me buy it and she said it will bring me good luck in love…well it hasn’t but thats not the point, point is its just a cool little carving.

And i know this sounds gay but 4 of the little heart things have fallen off the tree, yes mainly from me dropping them but i am going to blame it on the shit glue that this lady used, anyway funny thing is that 4 is the number of boyfriends (all ended hopeless and most of them short lived) i have ever had. Isn’t that weird? (insert twilight zone theme music here)

And the one I posted in the other thread:

5th Oct 2011 | 1 note

I just did something really weird.

Today is my last day of unemployment, i haven’t worked since July the 2nd of this year, i have been out of work for far too long to even put my mind to the test of working out how long that actually is, i am thinking a little bit over 3 months or some shit like that.

Last night i couldn’t sleep, prior to bed i had hooked into 2 bowls of Peters ice cream whilst watching an episode of the latest season of Skins, one of my favourite shows.

The episode was about a lesbian looking alternative girl that started at a new school, she had left her old school because she had been viciously bullied, they made a facebook page about how ugly and lesbian and dykey she was, and she was understandibly traumatised. Needless to say we all know that some kids are really little ****s!

So on her first day at her new school she was preyed upon by the cliche cool girl group, ruled by a blonde bitch of a leader, and 2 little disciples. After the first day they made friends they went to mall after school and shoplifted and took drugs (yes, this does sound very familiar to my past after school curricular activities, when i was back in NZ i was so stoked i was allowed back into Farmers again!)

So, understandably the new girl was pretty stoked because she thought maybe, just maybe, this was her fresh start all coming shiny and true. Making friends.

Further into the episode the girl had her new friends over and the bitchy blonde vindictive slutty whore of a girl found the website that was built about her and printed out all of the pictures and posted them all around the school, everyone saw them and pointed and laughed at this poor dykey girl and made her feel like shit on her first day.

Why the fuck are you explaining that episode to us? its completely irrelevant to anything. Well hang on, it kind of is, reinforcres teenage girls are nasty, nasty and bullying is so common, you don’t even hear about half of it because people are afraid to speak up. Alas, hear my out. brussel sprout.

I couldn’t sleep last night, all i could think about the time when i was the new girl at a new school, in a new country, things couldn’t of been more differant, and i couldn’t of been more scared, plus i really couldn’t figure out why those hiking bags by Jansport where all the rage and everyone wore them so so high on there backs. I rocked up with a brand spanking new bright yellow one shoulder bag by Roxy, cause thats what everyone in Sydney would do. I stood out like a sore thumb on my own, sitting in the playgroud, wanting to go and cry in the toilets, which i left for the bigger time slot of Lunch. It was awful.

I don’t remember how it happened but i remember a group of 3 girls, lead by one pretty blond..who was a bitch…and to this day..is still a real headcase, But i was lucky to have found the 2 other girls out of that group took me under their wings and still to this day we are best friends, i couldn’t imagine or live my life without them in them. I would do anything for them. They saved me i guess, things turned out, as the always should do.

So i couldn’t sleep because i am so nervous about starting at this new job, in past jobs i have been met with some really nasty bitchy people, who got what they deserved in the end, again, things turned out.

So tired today, it got to 1pm and i still hadn’t got out of bed, it was raining so hard, pissing down, and i was feeling so tired and thinking about being a scaredy cat, and how everyone was like ‘just be yourself, you will be fine’ ..shit advice FYI.

Then i did the really weird thing.

The rain was so hard, it sounded so cool, and i realised i never give rain a chance, i am always running away from it so my hair doesn’t go frizzy, so i got out of bed, in just a singlet and no undies, and i just went and sat in my backyard and let the rain hit me straight for like 5 minutes, just sat, half nude, and got belted by the rain.

Then i realised i had no pants on so i should go inside before i get a call from the police and being charged for having a really hairy box.

Anyway, i felt good after that, because i challenged myself and i did something differant, so i guess if i can do that, i can start and be ok at my new job tomorrow right?

I guess if i wear pants i will be ok.

Dare to differs peeps, be proud of yourself, do funny things, dance as if your fanny is on fire then go outside into your backyard and then let the rain out it out

xxx

3rd Jun 2012

Bitch got Biebered.

That is correct, and didn’t even dive for the muff to get to this stage, i only realised it today when i did an innocent little trip to Westfield Bondi Juction…and the story goes like this.

1. Enter k mart to purchase animal print snuggle

2. Fist pump in the air of the genius amount in which they are priced..EIGHT WHOLE DOLLARS

3. Hear a song that is really catchy and i keep hearing and like but don’t know who sings it

4. Ask lovely young teen k mart customer service trainee who looks hips enough to give me an answer and simply ask, “excuse me, what is this song i keep hearing it everywhere i want to download it when i get home”

5. She looks at me and froths her face off with laughter.

6. “It’s Justin Bieber”.

7. Cool, calm and collected, i simply thank her for her help, and step away with my eight dollar leopard print snuggie and go home and still download it.

 

[pecan]

The "inside her mind" series:

9th Jun 2011

A morning in my mind by Stacey Wren

There is nothing
There is nothing
There is nothing
There is nothing
Thoughts of new clothes and the feeling of chocolate and coffee pop in from time to time
There is nothing
There is nothing
Then there is something but i forget what it is
Then i make up songs that mean nothing
There is nothing
Then there is something again
Then i need to ususally go and do a wee

9th Jun 2011

Afternoon in my mind by Stacey Wren

There is something
There is something
There is something
There is something
Then i wee again
There is something
There is something
Then i curse myself for not inventing the concept of Sushi Train…(food that spins around you.amazing)
Then there is glimpses of oompa loompas and clowns
There is something
Then there is a pause
Then I press play and dance like my vagina is on fire

16th Jun 2011

A mid afternoon in my mind by Stacey Wren

There is nothing
There is nothing
There is nothing
Then i think of what Kurt Cobain was really smelling when he wrote smells like teen spirit.
There is nothing again
Again, nothing
Then i check my armpits to see if they pong
Then i realise why i am still single
There is nothing
There is nothing
Then i get the guilts about smoking a spliff and eating an entire jar of nutella
Then i pop on Madonna, and dance like my fanny is on fire

17th Jun 2011

Early afternoon in my mind by Stacey Wren

There is nothing
There is nothing
There is something thats needs to come out of me, im blaming the green tea
There is nothing
There is nothing
Still nothing because i can’t be bothered getting up from my desk
There is nothing
Then i unbutton my jeans and pull my hair up into a tight bun because it makes me work 10 times faster
Then there is nothing
Then there is nothing
Then i think about what it would be like to touch Jake Gyllenhal
Then i start to feel funny so i cross my legs
Then i pop on some Van Morrison and dance like my fanny is on fire

18th Jun 2011

Saturday night home alone in my mind by Stacey Wren

There is nothing There is nothing There is nothing Then i convince myself to go for a run but go across the road and buy a whole mint aero bar and face rape it There is nothing There is nothing There is chocolate guilt, and also guilt i didn’t buy the basil leaf plant on the discount shelf for 39p There is nothing There is nothing There is a Kurt Cobain look-a-like sitting at the pub across the street I convince my flatmate to eye fuck him There is nothing There is nothing Then i flick the TV on and see a western movie starring Tommy Lee Jones is on There is nothing Then i get up to grab the lube There is nothing There is nothing There is realisation its going to be a very long night Then i bust a cap in someones ass Then i turn off the telly, press play on my ipod and dance to satisfaction by the stones like my fanny is on fire

23rd Jun 2011

A mid afternoon in my mind by Stacey Wren

There is nothing

There is nothing

There is nothing

There is visions of how cute little kittens and cats are when they are curled up into boxes

There is nothing

There is nothing

Then there is something

But i forget what it is

Then i make like Tom, and Cruise…..

Off into the sunset of my mind again

Then i wake up, put on some chap stick, press play and dance like my fanny is on fire

18th May 2012

Friday 18th inside my mind.

There is nothing
There is nothing
There is a toilet stop (number one)
There is nothing
There are thoughts of possibly one day having a highlighter colour pen named after me called ‘The Wren’ and it will be a sick red and jump out of you like a flying ninja on your page
There is nothing
There is a salad that I made myself and tasted like a dirt garden (note to self, wash that shit)
There is nothing
There is nothing
There are moments of looking busy because I am shuffeling papers around my desk n shit
There is tiredness after the paper shuffeling saga
There is nothing again
The receptionist puts on ‘Paper Planes’ by MIA in the agency and I start to rap it aloud
Office situation gets awkward
I tell myself to go to the gym in the morning for pump
I then become a realist and say to myself, sleep in, you have earnt it
There is nothing
There is the clock that hits 5.25pm
Then there is jizz in my pants
See ya sluts, i am outties for this week!
xxxx

 

[Kaf]

Wow. Thanks for that, pecan. That made a great start to my day!

 

[GoSarah]

Stacey and Michael are great, hope they go far in to this game.

Stacey nailed it with her noms last night.

 

[Cowie]

Her and josh were so funny mocking estelle and ryan

 

[pecan]

A few photos I've raided from around the place:

Bit of a noob to pixellation, sorry.

 

[Mademoiselle]

To be honest, I wasn't a fan of Stacey to start with. But I've really enjoyed watching her this week, especially her antics with Ryan Gosling.

 

[wynter]

I think she's quite funny and good value when she's just being herself but she's a bit tragic when she's doing her little performances for BB, usually with Ben or when she's otherwise performing obviously pre-rehearsed skits for the camera. Not funny, just painful...and a bit embarrassing. She is fairly obviously in the house as a platform for a comedy career. Even Charne said something about hoping she gets her own show.

So her off hand every day self..funny, good value. Spoiled by the bad comedy routines.

 

[pecan]

I think she's quite funny and good value when she's just being herself but she's a bit tragic when she's doing her little performances for BB, usually with Ben or when she's otherwise performing obviously pre-rehearsed skits for the camera. Not funny, just painful...and a bit embarrassing. She is fairly obviously in the house as a platform for a comedy career. Even Charne said something about hoping she gets her own show.

So her off hand every day self..funny, good value. Spoiled by the bad comedy routines.

Yeah, I guess she does come across a bit like that kid who always did dance routines and put on plays for her parents, with BB fulfilling that role now. Still good value though.

 

[Prozium]

Loving all the Stacey this week!

 

[natalie]

how did you get these photos of her?

 

[pecan]

how did you get these photos of her?

I found them around the place, Tumblr, Facebook etc.

 

[Connoisseur]

People like Stacy do my head in. I'm never quite sure whether I'm talking with an adult or a persona created for some agenda. Can definitely only take in small doses, rather deal with toddlers to be honest.

 

[cassandra1]

Her "acts" are awful and embarasing. Not funny. Not entertaining.

 

[la`cat]

Realised she reminds me of Julia who hosts the rock show on sbs. That is why she seemed so familiar. I must agree with the negative points posted....I don't know which person she is either. Too contrived and trying to BE too funny all of the time. I realise the acts and dancing may be partly there to keep from being bored, but it is all one big act to me. Another one who wants a career in the media ??