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Shark Tank 2018


I loathe sport on TV...
The Secret Squirrel Drone Caper.

The problem with Uni students is that they get into second year and think they know absolutely everything about everything. When I was in 2nd year we had to do a study on the Dawesville Cut here in Mandurah WA that was going to solve the recurring algal bloom problem in the estuary. We looked at the data, did research of the public documents and despite not having the few million dollars the Government had already spent doing exactly the same thing, decided that it wasn't going to work...because we knew what we were talking about. Of course, its been a resounding success.

These guys are no different. They think they know exactly what they're doing and have all the answers worked out perfectly.

So anyway. They're already a 'conglomerate' of companies (so... 2...) one of which is their secret squirrel Guv'ment contract drone, and the other is apparently taking that same drone, scaling down and simplifying and then flogging it to schools. I can tell you what their first brick wall will be - schools have no money. At least public schools have no money. Private schools, which these guys obviously attended, have shed loads of money, so that's going to be their market. Public schools, unless this costs about $200 which it won't, forget it...

They were absolutely confident with every answer though weren't they? The lead guy didn't even blink even when the Sharks started their standard harassment routines. Steve was right though and they should have listened to him in that they need to focus on their secret squirrel drone and make squillions out of it, then flog their drone kit to schools. Maybe by then they'd be rich enough to give it way because as a teacher, it'd be cool to teach that subject in class!

But once again they were vague in their profits and the sharks didn't believe their valuation as this bit of their 'conglomerate' (so...2...) is only 2 months old. The sharks were probably right in thinking that these guys were using the Tank as an advertising/promotional means rather than for a real investment. Maybe that's why they all stood with their hands in their pockets? Metaphorically they were sending an unconscious body language message to the sharks that they just wanted to dip into the sharks pockets..?

Anyway, dodgy valuations and vague profits means all the sharks are out, and that's that...

From Russia with (Earth) Love:

I thought the short one was the daughter and the tall one the mother at first!

Reusable collapsable coffee cups. I just did the same google search as Steve did and yeah, there are literally a hundred results. This is hardly a unique product.

She has a 'science' background apparently? In what? A Cert II in Naturopathy from TAFE..? Yah, whatever...

So the sharks start their spiel and bagging of what they've said about their cup. Glen doesn't like that its not 100% eco friendly, Naomi doesn't like that its not unique enough, Janine hates the design, Andrew says the costs are too high and Steve doesn't like that they lied about their 'unique' product, so they're all out.

Never mind the width, feel the breadth:

More baby stuff from a stay at home mum. That's got Steve perking up straight away because of his twin girls, but otherwise she's just a distributor and doesn't actually make any of these. In fact she's just the middle man getting a cut for... what exactly? If you sign on as a 'consultant' you're expected to buy the stuff from her and then flog it yourself however you like. Why wouldn't I find her supplier and just buy it direct and then flog it, cutting her out?

So this is aimed at stay at home mums who have time on their hands, because yeah that's what new mums with small babies at home have lots of - extra time on their hands (/sarcasm...) These new mums are meant to somehow on sell the products so that will mean to all their friends and family pretty much, who will become their ex-friends pretty quickly. Sorry family, you don't get to escape. This sounds awfully familiar doesn't it? I was waiting for her to say 'length and breadth of the sales connections' and you'd have... wait for it.... AMWAY! And we all know how that works out don't we? You end up with no friends and a spare room full of products you can't flog and you simply end up buying and using it yourself.

So the sharks don't like the business model and Janine hates the 'consultant' concept (because..Amway!), Glen is just out, Steve gives a totally crappy finance offer but Andrew and Naomi make offers at 30% for the $250k. She said all along that she wants to get into the USA and we all know that's where Andrew has his connections so she does the deal with him.

Snap Decision:

Its another App... :+/

Ok so this one is in stores and lets you keep a record of what you try on, then share it on social media and also get an email of the items with links to buy them online later. The idea is that this gets an extra sales opportunity for the store if you change your mind and want it after all later, though Steve's point of store losing walk-in sales is valid.

One good thing is that this guy has developed everything himself so doesn't have to share proprietary with anyone. He's slowly getting it into some stores but the sharks are leery about how successful they are so far. Janine especially calls bullshit.

Most sharks are out because of this, or that his business and development model is too complicated. Naomi though like the idea and makes an offer of $100k at 45% but he doesn't like it so counters with 33% and the deal is done. All the other sharks are shaking their heads.


The real reason why Naomi went with him was at the very end, when he's walked out and the sharks are chatting amongst themselves about the pitch. Naomi said "DataPlan" to Janine and Steve... I don't think she gives a damm about the in-store App. What she wants is how it collects data on people, which she can then use herself or resell. That's where she sees the money coming in. By implication in using this APP in-store you are giving permission for this data (emails etc) to be collected about you AND for the store to use that to contact you later. This makes that dataset public information and anyone can use it how they like. It's why Facebook is allowed to sell the data they collect on you and makes Zuck a little rich bastard.

Remember Naomi is Red Balloon which wants to sell you life experiences such as hot laps in a V8 Supercar or a ride in a Helicopter etc. For that she needs to be able to contact people and this dataset the App collects is a perfectly legit way to do it. There will be in the TOS which nobody ever reads, a statement that says the data collected may be on-sold or used to contact you with other offers of interest, and if there isn't you can bet your $100k at 33% there will be one very very quickly.


I loathe sport on TV...
We scream, you scream, we all scream for Ice cream:

Is ice cream meant to be 'healthy'? I think the whole point of it is that you're having a unhealthy treat and just don't care.

So, sugar free, gluten free (fun free? Well at least it has Stiyvia in it) ice cream and he's an ex-rugby player so "FOOTBALL HERO"!!!!! (gawd...they're bloody everywhere aren't they? Probably his manager has put him up to this simply to get him some publicity and time on screen) status as well. He's got the product into Woolworths at least though I have to admit I've never seen it. Otherwise that's about all he's got.

Janine lays into him over the labelling style (yeah, it was pretty crap and crowded design-wise) and that's it's black. She's never seen the "Connoisseur" ice-creams then has she? So Janine's out because its too crowded a market and sugar free is no big deal as all the other companies apparently have it as well.

Steve's in for $250 at 20% instead of the 10% FOOTBALL HERO!!!!! asked for which halves his value and Glen matches it while the others are out. Andrew then takes the lead asking him what does he intend to do with the money and he just throws that back at Glen, who tells him some business stuff that I missed.

He then questions Steve about why 20% and Steve offers to let him 'buy back' the extra 10% in a few years but it'll cost him $300k rather than the $125k he's asking for now. Janine again warns him that he's doing a lot wrong business and marketing-wise at the moment so he needs a deal, and after going outside for a bit of a think, he goes with Glen.

His manager will be so happy with the screen time...

Taking the Mickey:

So he's got a portable generator. It's got a lot of features, its more portable than most plus has a secure lockable box that secures it when you're away or sleeping. Yours for $1899.00! - which is not cheap... and he wants $2.5m for 50% for which he promises the sharks that he'll make it a billion dollar business.

Plus he runs a camping shop in Perth (never heard of it btw...) and Steve gets him to state his figures and there's some confusion over whether he's talking about the store or the generator. Steve's ok with it though once he explains himself but the others, especially Janine, aren't too sure. He can't clearly separate store income from his generator income. Glen bails, Andrew bails as does Naomi and Janine soon follows.

They crit his pitch and he claims that he hasn't slept for 3 nights due to nerves which they're sympathetic to. But its not enough and Steve can't see how he wants to use the money beyond getting some international contacts which he said he'd have given him in exchange for a decent coffee. So Steve bails, and that's that for him... no deal. But he got the publicity from being on the show so he'll see a sales boost for both the shop and the gennie. If he can get a spot on one of the 4WD shows on 7Mate or something then he'll get a boost as well.

Space Men:

Another WA based pitch! Second one in a row so at least the show has finally recognised that Australia exists past the Blue Mountains.

This is Uber for courtyards and gardens. Basically if you have a spare space that you feel that you can rent out for short term use such a wedding, corporate meetings, BBQ etc. these guys will help you book it. So far they've got well... bugger-all... bookings. 185 so far for a whopping $3800, and then they're asking for $200k+ for 14% at a value of $1.5m... for, basically nothing so far.

So the sharks lay in on the valuation again and things start to go south pretty quickly. They're forced to admit that they don't own or control their App code so again, if things change elsewhere, they're lost and dead in the water.

(Ad break... That new show "Street Smart" gets a flog (again....) and that Asian girl saying "You Understand" is going to get really annoying really fast...)

They claim that they're getting a lot of councils onside who need to rent out their public spaces but don't want to or can't manage the bookings properly. My daughter used to work for the Wanneroo Council (she currently works for Belmont Shire here in Perth) and knows this first hand. Wanneroo manage this historical ruin building and wanted to use it for weddings, photos, anything, and tried to get it up and running. So we know about this first hand.

Sure enough a wedding booked it for a Saturday afternoon but NO ONE at Council thought about who's going to unlock the gate to the fence around this place. So imagine... an entire wedding, standing outside this bloody fence, the ruin house in the background, bride in her dress, everyone dolled up... and they couldn't get ANYONE on the phone at the Council to turn up with the key to the bloody gate. Yeah. Not happy. These guys would hopefully solve that.

Most sharks bail but Steve makes an offer that dilutes the 3 guys share of the business to less than his would be, so he's playing them for mugs to see if they'll fall for it. They go outside for a parley and counter offer with 21% which puts them all on parity. Steve smiles and goes for it, showing that his offer was just a mugs tactic to see how gullible they were.

A Hairy Proposal:

Mum and daughter are obviously a retired and current hairdresser that want to be the next BIG THING in hair products so they've got... something, I dunno what exactly... that adds volume and body to your hair and apparently according to the demo and show promos might set your hair on fire. My hair is about an inch long at its longest so this isn't really a thing that concerns me.

They reckon their business is worth $10m but have so far sold 285 units at pop-up stores for about $3000 all up and the sharks just scoff the hell out of that. These guys are hardly Maurice Meade just yet. Lesson for this entire series is "Don't bullshit your valuations"... Its been a common theme with almost every pitch this season.

The sharks bail based on this and tell them to get another Accountant who doesn't have a clue really. Good advice I think. Janine now has big boofy hair at least, but I did notice it got boofier between shots so I reckon they had a quick break in shooting while the makeup ladies dived in to flounce it up a bit more. TV-trickery at its best.


I loathe sport on TV...
Pampered Pets

Freeze dried organically, ethically sourced dog food...frankly it looked like something I could eat myself. Why she didn't bring a dog in to show it eating the food (after not feeding him all day of course so he's extra hungry) I don't know.

Bloody expensive food though. Three times the cost of regular dog food. Steve lays into her on the cost and valuation (again) saying that people buy the cheapest pet food out there. Well, I don't. I have to buy the ^&^%# expensive Fancy Feast stuff for my precious furball of a cat because she won't eat anything else! Here she is... (Just for the heck of it. This also her summer fur. She doubles in size in fluffiness in winter...Her name is Kisa)

So they argue and she sticks to her guns, tells Steve he's wrong and Steve's out. Glen likes the product but isn't so hot about what and why she needs the money. She wants to buy the freeze drier so she controls the whole process and again the other sharks lay into her valuations based on this. All the other sharks are out except Glen. Glen asks if he can put it into his Pet Barns stores but it works out that at the moment she can provide the equivalent of ONE 10kg bag per store per day for Glen and she's 'hoping' that things can ramp up... but she can't do that yet without their money. So Glen's out and its no deal... Good idea he says but too early. Well how is she ever going to ramp up without being able to control the production rate and methods? Catch 22 again.

For women of a 'certain age'...

I've just noticed that Janine is wearing the same green outfit as last week when she was getting her hair made boofier. Obviously they're filming multiple episodes in one go like they do with The Voice.

Anyway, a silcone skin patch that you wear overnight to get rid of wrinkles 'magically' through the amazing healing powers of the silicone... Uhuh. You know how this works? The silcone makes your skin 'sweat' overnight and the rising moisture in your skin smooths out the wrinkles. It's prune fingers for 'decoletage'. You could simply wear a damp towel for a few minutes and get the same effect.

While they like her management and PR background, the sharks crit her sales records which aren't very consistent and that she has no protection from the big guys who see her having success and simply copy the idea. Janine says she has a bucket of sales, but its a bucket with holes in it. So all the sharks bail and there's no deal again.

Putting a hex on things:

Tent/Camping pegs that screw into the ground and hold firmer overall. Having spent 20 years in Scouts (Cubs right through to Rovers) and spends hundreds of hours in tents of one kind or another, and having them collapse on you or come loose at 3.00am in the morning, this is a good idea! Mind you, you'll need a drill with a charged battery to do it, rather than a simple hammer.

Steve offers to invest rather than partner with him but it means a 100% interest on the 'loan' after one year by paying him $1.00 from every sale until he reaches $160k. Naomi scoffs majorly at that and advises him to simply go to a regular bank for the money rather than take that deal. Janine and Naomi bail out and Andrew follows soon after. Glen says that he can get him into every major camping and hardware store in Australia but its going to cost him 40% for the $80k. Better deal than Steve at least but not by much.

He goes out to talk to the missus and they come back with a counter offer to Glen at 30% but he knocks it back saying his OzTrail contact is worth it. So he knocks back Steve and the deal is done with Glen. (Steve mutters after to him he could/should have offered 35% to Glen rather than 30% and have got the deal)

Baby Steps:

Wetsuit booties for toddlers so they don't burn their feet on the hot sand down at the beach.

They've already got stock into David Jones etc and are on Amazon and selling out. But, they're selling out because it takes them 4 months to get new stock in from wherever they get them made (so.. China) and they can't keep up. Good numbers overall for costs of production and all the sharks are nodding despite this setback. She gets a little lost on the math and Steve rolls his eyes but she recovers ok.

Andrew asks about how would they ramp up if they got a major order and they don't have the answer for that, so Andrew and Glen are both out. Steve follows soon after but appreciates the freebie gift for his Twins. Naomi offers to provide some introductions but won't invest. Janine's of two minds for a bit and is worried about Chinese knockoffs and bails out as well but says if they can make better go of it in a year then come back and talk again.

This whole episode was pretty tame. Its hard to be snarky about anything much this week... Drat... :+/

Mr Stickyfingers

an old fart that rants at times...
Awesome site donor
...yet another brilliant recap of the episode SeanE my friend... I may have said this before now... I can't remember... but is it me or are the Sharks investing less and less this year on the people or is it just that this years crop of people are weaker than in previous seasons?... in past seasons they seem to have been jumping on people's ideas every 10 seconds from memory lol!... again SeanE... thanks for posting your review... cheers.


I loathe sport on TV...
Birth Beat

I completely missed this one as I turned the channel over to 10 while Survivor was still on and they were doing the tribal vote which TAKES FOR %[email protected]^&*% EVER!!!!!!! and is so ^%$#@ BORING!...and I nodded off...

So, it was something, something, something about online birthing classes and while the sharks loved her presentation apparently but most felt she wasn't ready just yet to invest in. Janine though makes an offer for $100k at 20% plus a $100k loan and since that was the only offer on the table she takes it and everyone is happy! Goodo!

Two Peas in a Coffee Pod:

Ok, I'm awake again now...

Well now we know what B1 and B2 have got up to since they got canned at the ABC. They're making coffee pods. Well actually they don't, they get a couple of other companies to do it all and then just on-sell the coffee pods. All the sharks look glum but then they say that they've made a $200k profit in 18 months and everyone wakes right up real quick!! (must be the coffee kicking in)

They claim the pods themselves are 100% recyclable and biodegradable which is a good thing at least because that's the biggest issue with these pods - the overall waste of material once you've used them (even though Nespresso does have a recycling scheme but who the heck's got time to take them back to the shop?...)

All the sharks dodge and weave and try to 'hold' their offers. Steve passes to Janine, who passes to Glen, who passes to Naomi, who bounces back to Glen... who finally makes an offer, which Naomi then matches and calls. Steve decides to fold at this point as does Janine as they feel they're not offering anything really new or unique except a spurious claim that they're coffee is 'better'...

They try to get Naomi and Glen to partner up but the sharks put the kyber on that so they go outside for a mutter mutter mutter wondering if Naomi has a full house or is just bluffing with 2 low pairs and come back with a counter of 25% to Naomi but she sticks to her 30% and the hand, err, deal is done. Guess she wasn't bluffing afterall.

Absolutely Fabulous (in tents):

Fancy camping stuff for Hipsters. It all looks so stylish and faaaaaaabulous darrrrling. I was half expecting to see Carrie, Sam, Miranda and whoever the posh dark haired one was from SATC come crawling out of the tent with a cosmopolitan in hand.

I've spent 20+ years in the Scouts and hundreds of hours in tents and you know what you need in camping gear? Stuff that bloody works. Its got to keep you warm at night, dry all the bloody time, and keep the bugs out. Beyond that, who cares what it looks like. In my Scouts we had these old 8 man army tents with no sealed floor that failed on all those criteria so I should know. (as soon as I got to Rovers I bought a '76 Cortina wagon with a mattress in the back and slept in that on camps for 2 years... stuff the tent!)

So the octagon tent looks wonderful but where's the sealed floor? I didn't see it. The sharks start to lay in on them on their numbers which turn out to be not that impressive and everyone starts to frown. Janine then asks how their stuff is 'different' to all the other camping gear and they crash and burn without any solid answer, or any answer at all really. The best the blonde can come up with is that 'If you take a photo for Instagram of your camp, you'll look faaaaabulous!! and something vague about being environmentally friendly materials mutter mutter..." Steve lays into them in his usual way but basically it boils down to 'you've pretty much got nothing special' here.

So based on these vague answers all the sharks bail and say thanks but no thanks and they're done for the night.

Who Pays? You Pay Q-Pay:

Its an App, but I'm not entirely sure what and how it works. They're focusing on (clueless) Uni students and trying to get them to spend their money through them. They're a "Corporate licensed representative of a major financial institution"... so, NOT a bank but basically a salesman for a bank.

I'm not the only one who was lost on what they actually do as the sharks aren't too sure either. Apparently, the App shows the clueless Uni students who have no idea how to handle money living away from mum and dad for the first time while they get drunk at Uni... err, I mean study at Uni, the breakdown of their bank accounts into their various expenditures and commitments for each month so they can tell at a glance if they can actually afford to get drunk or if they need to pay their rent, or buy food, or something that you know, doesn't make them homeless and hungry, all for a fee that they pay to QPay of course.

You know, with some simple Excel setup, you could do this yourself for free..?

The sharks ask them the numbers and they come back with a potential $180 MILLION per month if they can get 50% of Uni students in Australia and also break into the European/UK market. And that's without even thinking what might happen in the USA if they ever get there. The collective jaws of the sharks all drop at that one.

Steve's all over it and gives them what they want. Janine, Andrew and Glen all bail but Naomi offers up as well. The guys want to split it between them and Steve concedes to give half of the investment money to Naomi but not to 'work' with her directly on this. All the other sharks are amazed and shocked because this *never* happens apparently... Anyway, the guys grab the deal and we're done for the season! Woohoo!!

Remember though, these guys are basically just re-sellers for whatever their (unnamed) financial institution tells them to sell, and that institution can pull the pin or change the rules at anytime. I think Steve and Naomi were bamboozled by the big big numbers of potential earnings so it'd be interesting to see how things are going in 2 - 3 years.

Mr Stickyfingers

an old fart that rants at times...
Awesome site donor
...great review SeanE... those 'tent' people were pretty clueless really weren't they lol!... and as for those shady guys looking after the Uni Students 'troubles'... why the Hell did Steve and Naomi even buy into it in the first place?... I think that straight after the show that they would've looked deeper into what they are actually up to and would have probably bailed out straight away to be honest... but we'll see I guess?... thanks for posting your review as always... I swear that it's better than the show itself at times lol!... cheers.