I don't think I have ever felt this emotionally effected since joining a forum. I bought a house today (pest/building inspection pending) and it should be the happiest day of my life, but instead I have a deep sense of sadness.
This situation has made me self reflect, and I don't like what I see. For the second time in a month I have had threats of ruining my career because my opinion offended in some manner online, and after a bit of digging I felt empowered at once again being able to actually identify this fool and after looking through her facebook I couldn't wait to rub it in her face, never really considering the face and the story behind it.
Laura is a girl, not a persona. She is a broken little bird who hurts to the point she makes her body hurt, she numbs life with drugs, she is drug addicted, directionless and alone, she is a girl who is old enough to be my daughter and I couldn't wait to rub her identity in her face. I was a broken, drug addicted little bird at her age, who was lost. But when faced with myself at her age, I couldn't wait to get online and give it to her. It has taken this little girl to make me see what I have become, and I fucking hate it.
I am not a social retard, I am not depressed, I am not alone, I am not directionless, I am strong focused career woman who is adored by family and friends and I live an enchanted life, and today I realised instead of embracing my beautiful reality I have become caught up in this unreal world, of ex HM's and bullshit.
To those who were offended by my opinion to the point of wanting to ruin me, that thinking is not normal. It is okay to feel offended, and it is okay not to agree with an opposing opinion, making online threats simply because you have an opposing view makes you forum ISIS. This is not how normal people interact in fact this type of behaviour indicates you are in fact very very mentally unwell.
Hopefully this farewell lasts longer than the other farewells I have read, where the poster pops back in 2 hours later. I have no doubt I am addicted to this forum, and given I start my day with it it is going to be a hard habit to break, but it's something I need to do.
And to Laura, even though I have only known you since your shithouse PM to me this morning, knowing you has affected me more than any other forum member I have ever known. You made me look in the mirror, and I didn't like what was looking back at me. I wish you luck, I wish you sobriety, and most important, I wish you inner peace and happiness. The battle you are currently fighting is easily the hardest battle I have ever fought in my life. If I can fight it and win, so can you. And as far as publicly naming me and shaming me on here or to AHPRA, knock yourself out, kid. It doesn't worry me even in the slightest.
And to the rest of you, hopefully I won't be seeing you all for a while at least. Live your dream. Xo
