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Deja said:
I hate being owned by stuff. I'm not a hoarder, but I wish I could live with less things.
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Clutter is emotionally draining. The more things you have sitting around the more cleaning you have to do. We've been renovating the past year and have been decluttering. That pop corn maker that hadn't been used for 8 years went! All our old CDs, VHS tapes and DVD went. Pretty much anything we hadn't used for a long time went.

I went dark for a period last year. Honestly 2015 so far is the happiest I've ever been in my life. I have zero nasty soul sucking people in my life, I'm back at work, hubs and I are on the same level in every way imaginable. I've made an effort to connect with an old friend.
 
That is what I'm doing right now as well. We are moving later this year and I don't want to drag a bunch of junk to the new home.
 
SAD DAY TODAY

10th ANNIVERSARY SINCE THE LOSS OF "THE ONE" THAT I HOPED WOULD BE MINE FOREVER BY MY SIDE and ONE DAY, AS MY BRIDE.....

THE PAIN NEVER GOES.....SURE IT PEAKS AND SOME DAYS ARE MUCH BETTER THAN OTHERS...YET A THORN IN MY MOST SENSITIVE HEARTFELT CENTRE....ENDLESSLY

THE DAY WAS LONGER THAN ANY OTHER I HAVE EXPERIENCED///// EVER....ALBEIT IT NUMB AND DISTANT... THESE WORDS WERE WRITTEN WHEN I RETURNED FROM THE FINAL RESTING PLACE......



..and so you go leaving me here, in a room with a blank screen and empty slept in bed and white noise emanating from a lifeless tv.......... and so you left quickly as your arrival to me.....and we have said goodbyes before...and as i wiped your lips and face ,,,you opened the largest most beautiful eyes i have yet to see and said...'i might have known it would be you",,,,,you did see me...but not for long...and just like that old person with white thin legs in a nursing home on his 100th birthday you weeped out ' i don't want to die glen' but your blood came again and i held it in the palm of my hands as it left you one last time...this red, rich, darkening remnant ,,,,the end result of all those long days...and glorious nights,,and even though that old man is still alive at 101, we as a couple were not....we are not.

and you went as you arrived, you left me quickly, you left me many times before when i thought it would kill and i stood before the mirror with blade in two minds....but it did not..as you always , eventually, returned

now i have turned off the tv and somebody driving by toots a horn into nothingness...

the indictment is FINAL: I will not find you in the streets nor will the phone ever ring, and yet each moment will not let me be

it is not enough that there are many deaths and that this is not the first: it is not enough that i may live more days , perhaps , more years

it is not enough !!!!


the phone is like a dead piece of wood that will not speak.
it has spoken but always the wrong voice now

honey, i have waited before and you have always walked thru that door,,,,

now you must wait for me


14 april 2005
 
AntiGretel said:
SAD DAY TODAY

10th ANNIVERSARY SINCE THE LOSS OF "THE ONE" THAT I HOPED WOULD BE MINE FOREVER BY MY SIDE and ONE DAY, AS MY BRIDE.....

THE PAIN NEVER GOES.....SURE IT PEAKS AND SOME DAYS ARE MUCH BETTER THAN OTHERS...YET A THORN IN MY MOST SENSITIVE HEARTFELT CENTRE....ENDLESSLY

THE DAY WAS LONGER THAN ANY OTHER I HAVE EXPERIENCED///// EVER....ALBEIT IT NUMB AND DISTANT... THESE WORDS WERE WRITTEN WHEN I RETURNED FROM THE FINAL RESTING PLACE......



..and so you go leaving me here, in a room with a blank screen and empty slept in bed and white noise emanating from a lifeless tv.......... and so you left quickly as your arrival to me.....and we have said goodbyes before...and as i wiped your lips and face ,,,you opened the largest most beautiful eyes i have yet to see and said...'i might have known it would be you",,,,,you did see me...but not for long...and just like that old person with white thin legs in a nursing home on his 100th birthday you weeped out ' i don't want to die glen' but your blood came again and i held it in the palm of my hands as it left you one last time...this red, rich, darkening remnant ,,,,the end result of all those long days...and glorious nights,,and even though that old man is still alive at 101, we as a couple were not....we are not.

and you went as you arrived, you left me quickly, you left me many times before when i thought it would kill and i stood before the mirror with blade in two minds....but it did not..as you always , eventually, returned

now i have turned off the tv and somebody driving by toots a horn into nothingness...

the indictment is FINAL: I will not find you in the streets nor will the phone ever ring, and yet each moment will not let me be

it is not enough that there are many deaths and that this is not the first: it is not enough that i may live more days , perhaps , more years

it is not enough !!!!


the phone is like a dead piece of wood that will not speak.
it has spoken but always the wrong voice now

honey, i have waited before and you have always walked thru that door,,,,

now you must wait for me


14 april 2005
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You're a good egg *hugs*
 
thank you ....all of you xxx

words from me are one thing......true emotion and the way i feel about you all, indescribable and would surprise you all delightfully

x
 
AntiGretel said:
SAD DAY TODAY

10th ANNIVERSARY SINCE THE LOSS OF "THE ONE" THAT I HOPED WOULD BE MINE FOREVER BY MY SIDE and ONE DAY, AS MY BRIDE.....

THE PAIN NEVER GOES.....SURE IT PEAKS AND SOME DAYS ARE MUCH BETTER THAN OTHERS...YET A THORN IN MY MOST SENSITIVE HEARTFELT CENTRE....ENDLESSLY

THE DAY WAS LONGER THAN ANY OTHER I HAVE EXPERIENCED///// EVER....ALBEIT IT NUMB AND DISTANT... THESE WORDS WERE WRITTEN WHEN I RETURNED FROM THE FINAL RESTING PLACE......



..and so you go leaving me here, in a room with a blank screen and empty slept in bed and white noise emanating from a lifeless tv.......... and so you left quickly as your arrival to me.....and we have said goodbyes before...and as i wiped your lips and face ,,,you opened the largest most beautiful eyes i have yet to see and said...'i might have known it would be you",,,,,you did see me...but not for long...and just like that old person with white thin legs in a nursing home on his 100th birthday you weeped out ' i don't want to die glen' but your blood came again and i held it in the palm of my hands as it left you one last time...this red, rich, darkening remnant ,,,,the end result of all those long days...and glorious nights,,and even though that old man is still alive at 101, we as a couple were not....we are not.

and you went as you arrived, you left me quickly, you left me many times before when i thought it would kill and i stood before the mirror with blade in two minds....but it did not..as you always , eventually, returned

now i have turned off the tv and somebody driving by toots a horn into nothingness...

the indictment is FINAL: I will not find you in the streets nor will the phone ever ring, and yet each moment will not let me be

it is not enough that there are many deaths and that this is not the first: it is not enough that i may live more days , perhaps , more years

it is not enough !!!!


the phone is like a dead piece of wood that will not speak.
it has spoken but always the wrong voice now

honey, i have waited before and you have always walked thru that door,,,,

now you must wait for me


14 april 2005
Click to expand...
\hugs mate!

thoughts and prayers are with you!
 
I am not ok, neither is my family, especially not my Dad. We found he has a mass nestled in between his bowel and kidney last week. No idea how long it's been there or where it came from but my suspicions as it seems to be a sarcoma is that all of his skin cancers over the years are coming home to roost.
Yesterday we found out that it's large, it's incurable and needs to be shrunk with chemo, radio etc before they will remove it.
He said recently that he had 2 or 3 Boxing Day Tests left in him. Ironic words now that Richie has gone.
This going to be a fight for the little 81 year old. Any prayers etc would be very gratefully appreciated. Thankyou.
 
Khun Khun said:
I am not ok, neither is my family, especially not my Dad. We found he has a mass nestled in between his bowel and kidney last week. No idea how long it's been there or where it came from but my suspicions as it seems to be a sarcoma is that all of his skin cancers over the years are coming home to roost.
Yesterday we found out that it's large, it's incurable and needs to be shrunk with chemo, radio etc before they will remove it.
He said recently that he had 2 or 3 Boxing Day Tests left in him. Ironic words now that Richie has gone.
This going to be a fight for the little 81 year old. Any prayers etc would be very gratefully appreciated. Thankyou.
Click to expand...

Thinking of you and yours Khun Khun - really I have nothing more to say, but I wish your father the best.
 
Khun Khun said:
I am not ok, neither is my family, especially not my Dad. We found he has a mass nestled in between his bowel and kidney last week. No idea how long it's been there or where it came from but my suspicions as it seems to be a sarcoma is that all of his skin cancers over the years are coming home to roost.
Yesterday we found out that it's large, it's incurable and needs to be shrunk with chemo, radio etc before they will remove it.
He said recently that he had 2 or 3 Boxing Day Tests left in him. Ironic words now that Richie has gone.
This going to be a fight for the little 81 year old. Any prayers etc would be very gratefully appreciated. Thankyou.
Click to expand...
Thinking of you at this time xx
 
Khun Khun said:
I am not ok, neither is my family, especially not my Dad. We found he has a mass nestled in between his bowel and kidney last week. No idea how long it's been there or where it came from but my suspicions as it seems to be a sarcoma is that all of his skin cancers over the years are coming home to roost.
Yesterday we found out that it's large, it's incurable and needs to be shrunk with chemo, radio etc before they will remove it.
He said recently that he had 2 or 3 Boxing Day Tests left in him. Ironic words now that Richie has gone.
This going to be a fight for the little 81 year old. Any prayers etc would be very gratefully appreciated. Thankyou.
Click to expand...
Oh I'm so sorry to read this khun khun, thinking of you and I will say a prayer for your father xx
 
AntiGretel said:
SAD DAY TODAY

10th ANNIVERSARY SINCE THE LOSS OF "THE ONE" THAT I HOPED WOULD BE MINE FOREVER BY MY SIDE and ONE DAY, AS MY BRIDE.....

THE PAIN NEVER GOES.....SURE IT PEAKS AND SOME DAYS ARE MUCH BETTER THAN OTHERS...YET A THORN IN MY MOST SENSITIVE HEARTFELT CENTRE....ENDLESSLY

THE DAY WAS LONGER THAN ANY OTHER I HAVE EXPERIENCED///// EVER....ALBEIT IT NUMB AND DISTANT... THESE WORDS WERE WRITTEN WHEN I RETURNED FROM THE FINAL RESTING PLACE......



..and so you go leaving me here, in a room with a blank screen and empty slept in bed and white noise emanating from a lifeless tv.......... and so you left quickly as your arrival to me.....and we have said goodbyes before...and as i wiped your lips and face ,,,you opened the largest most beautiful eyes i have yet to see and said...'i might have known it would be you",,,,,you did see me...but not for long...and just like that old person with white thin legs in a nursing home on his 100th birthday you weeped out ' i don't want to die glen' but your blood came again and i held it in the palm of my hands as it left you one last time...this red, rich, darkening remnant ,,,,the end result of all those long days...and glorious nights,,and even though that old man is still alive at 101, we as a couple were not....we are not.

and you went as you arrived, you left me quickly, you left me many times before when i thought it would kill and i stood before the mirror with blade in two minds....but it did not..as you always , eventually, returned

now i have turned off the tv and somebody driving by toots a horn into nothingness...

the indictment is FINAL: I will not find you in the streets nor will the phone ever ring, and yet each moment will not let me be

it is not enough that there are many deaths and that this is not the first: it is not enough that i may live more days , perhaps , more years

it is not enough !!!!


the phone is like a dead piece of wood that will not speak.
it has spoken but always the wrong voice now

honey, i have waited before and you have always walked thru that door,,,,

now you must wait for me


14 april 2005
Click to expand...
You are a good soul. Hugs to you x
 
I'm not ok today, I haven't been for over a week now. I need to stop reading shit online because it makes me more nervous and panicky and making me doubt everything I think I know. Being a parent is the most wonderful thing but also the most terrifying.
 
Sweetgeek said:
I'm not ok today, I haven't been for over a week now. I need to stop reading shit online because it makes me more nervous and panicky and making me doubt everything I think I know. Being a parent is the most wonderful thing but also the most terrifying.
Click to expand...


Hey geek of the Sweet

What is it exactly that is bringing on the anxiety and uncertainty?

Can you avoid these articles or blogs you refer to ?

You should express your concerns here....there are many experienced and logical people here that may suggest a new approach

Stay strong and begin a dialogue - you are NEVER alone with an issue....someone, somewhere has been in similar wilderness and escaped to greener pastures


G
 
AntiGretel said:
SAD DAY TODAY

10th ANNIVERSARY SINCE THE LOSS OF "THE ONE" THAT I HOPED WOULD BE MINE FOREVER BY MY SIDE and ONE DAY, AS MY BRIDE.....

THE PAIN NEVER GOES.....SURE IT PEAKS AND SOME DAYS ARE MUCH BETTER THAN OTHERS...YET A THORN IN MY MOST SENSITIVE HEARTFELT CENTRE....ENDLESSLY

THE DAY WAS LONGER THAN ANY OTHER I HAVE EXPERIENCED///// EVER....ALBEIT IT NUMB AND DISTANT... THESE WORDS WERE WRITTEN WHEN I RETURNED FROM THE FINAL RESTING PLACE......



..and so you go leaving me here, in a room with a blank screen and empty slept in bed and white noise emanating from a lifeless tv.......... and so you left quickly as your arrival to me.....and we have said goodbyes before...and as i wiped your lips and face ,,,you opened the largest most beautiful eyes i have yet to see and said...'i might have known it would be you",,,,,you did see me...but not for long...and just like that old person with white thin legs in a nursing home on his 100th birthday you weeped out ' i don't want to die glen' but your blood came again and i held it in the palm of my hands as it left you one last time...this red, rich, darkening remnant ,,,,the end result of all those long days...and glorious nights,,and even though that old man is still alive at 101, we as a couple were not....we are not.

and you went as you arrived, you left me quickly, you left me many times before when i thought it would kill and i stood before the mirror with blade in two minds....but it did not..as you always , eventually, returned

now i have turned off the tv and somebody driving by toots a horn into nothingness...

the indictment is FINAL: I will not find you in the streets nor will the phone ever ring, and yet each moment will not let me be

it is not enough that there are many deaths and that this is not the first: it is not enough that i may live more days , perhaps , more years

it is not enough !!!!


the phone is like a dead piece of wood that will not speak.
it has spoken but always the wrong voice now

honey, i have waited before and you have always walked thru that door,,,,

now you must wait for me


14 april 2005
Click to expand...
I've only just ventured into this thread today. Belated but sending you hugs all the same @AntiGretel.

Very moving words.
 
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