Columbo
Never again
It was a Saturday morning when I saw a unicorn in my backyard. I was just getting my breakfast of corn flakes with a side of buttered toast in the kitchen when I heard a strange noise. I first looked out the window and saw it standing there near the flowerbed. At first glance I thought it was a horse, but when I saw a horn on the top of its head I knew that what I was seeing was a real life unicorn. It was pure white, had dark brown eyes, and was busy inspecting some flowers. It had its nostrils right up against my roses and was really sniffing them. I was debating whether to go outside, and I was just about to do so, but when I looked out the window again the unicorn was not there.
‘Did you see that, Sarah?’ I said as my wife walked into the kitchen.
‘See what?’ she mumbled, trying to look for something in the fridge.
Sarah and I were just coming up to our fifth anniversary in a couple of weeks. We first met through some mutual friends. I can’t remember what the occasion was, and nor does she, but I still remember how I felt when I first saw her. Her round blue eyes, black hair and dimples captivated me. From the first time she laughed I knew that I wanted her. We just connected. Soon enough we were dating, then moving in together, and then we got married. Life droned on day after day, but being with her made it more bearable.
‘A unicorn.’
‘A what?’
‘A unicorn. I saw it a couple of minutes ago.’
‘Nonsense.’
‘Honest! I really saw it.’
‘But there’s no such thing as a unicorn. God, stop lying to me, John.’
‘I’m not lying though. Look, if I had proof I would give it to you. But it disappeared before I could take a picture.’
‘Oh, how unlucky for you.’ sneered Sarah rolling her eyes.
‘Look I’ll try and prove it to you.’
I went outside and walked over to the backyard. The grass outside had looked like it was trampled on when I went to inspect it. The flowers were all bent, and the soil was all over the place.
‘Sarah! Look, I was right’ I yelled.
Sarah came cautiously outside.
‘Yes?’
‘Look at the grass. It’s all trodden down, like someone has steeped on it.’
‘This grass always looks like that.’
‘But these flowers that are all bent?’
‘Well the way you take care of this garden it is no wonder the flowers are like that. I mean come on John, even if by some chance you did see this unicorn how the hell would it have gotten out?’
Sarah gestured to our fence. It was about six or seven feet high. A wooden fence, which was rotting and often would have ants crawling all over it. But she was right, there was no way a unicorn could jump over that fence. It was just too high. Or at least it couldn’t have….
‘Well it could have leapt over the fence?’ I asked hopefully.
‘Oh don’t be stupid!’
‘I wonder if Barry has seen it.’
‘Oh god. Please don’t disturb him with this rubbish.’ Said Sarah.
‘Well maybe he’ll believe me? I’ll just pop over to have a chat with him.’
‘Look, I’m going out to do some shopping. Do whatever you have to do.’ Sarah sighed as she walked back inside.
My neighbour, Mr Smith, or Barry as he likes being called, was out the back of his house doing some weeding when I walked up to him. Sarah and I have been neighbours, but more importantly friends for years with him. He was the first person to welcome us to the street all those years ago and from there our friendship grew stronger and stronger. Barry was a couple of years older than me and worked as a butcher. He would often come around to our place and we would go around for dinner. His wife, Belinda, had died a year or so ago from cancer. She was a lovely woman, and would often be found doing some charity work at the local lifeline store. He had no children. Not that he and Belinda ever wanted any.
‘John! How are you?’ he greeted me warmly as we embraced.
‘Not too bad, Barry.’
‘How’s Sarah?’
‘She’s good. Work’s keeping her busy.’
‘Good, good.’
‘Umm, hey, look, I’m sorry if this may sound a bit strange to you….but have you seen a unicorn?’
Barry looked at me with his eyebrows raised. I knew it, I thought, he isn’t going to believe me like Sarah.
‘Well yes…and no.’
‘What? What do you mean?’ I said, trying not to sound too over-eager.
‘You see, I have seen a unicorn when I look into the mirror.’
‘Huh?’
‘I can transform into a unicorn, John.’
I tried to take it all in. There were so many questions I wanted to answer. When did this happen? How long can he stay as a unicorn? Why didn’t he tell Sarah and myself? I wanted answers.
‘What? You are a unicorn? Like an actual unicorn? Oh my I knew I was right. Geez Barry I can’t believe you never told Sarah and I! I can’t wait to…’
‘John, please, can you can just shut up for a second.’ Said Barry, putting his hand up.
‘Fine.’
Barry motioned for me to sit down on some dusty plastic white chairs that were sitting near the undercover area of his house.
‘I need you just to listen for a moment.’ He told me as we sat down.
‘Sure, I’m all ears, Barry.’ I said, still trying to comprehend it all.
‘Well, firstly, I’m sorry I went into your backyard. That was foolish of me. But you see it’s just so wonderful being a unicorn. I feel so alive exploring places. I mean this isn’t the first time I have been in your backyard as a unicorn, it is just this is the first time you saw me.’
Wait, I thought, how many times has been in my backyard? What the hell has he seen?
‘Did you see..?’
‘No, I didn’t see anything.’
‘Good. So how long have you been a unicorn?’
‘All my life. You see I come from a long line of people who can transform into unicorns.’
‘Really?’
‘Yep. I mean I still picture in my head the day that my father sat me down and told me that I could turn myself into a unicorn.’
‘Oh. So why didn’t you tell Sarah and I before? I thought we were friends.’
‘Well we are friends, it’s just that I have to keep it a secret.’
‘But I wouldn’t have cared, and I’m pretty sure Sarah wouldn’t have minded either.’
‘Yeah, I suppose…’ Barry said, looking nervously at the ground.
‘Suppose what?’
‘Your wife, John, she’s lovely. But she’s a bit of a gossip. If she knew that I could become a unicorn then she would tell one of her friends, and they would tell one of her friends.’
‘How do you know if I won’t tell her?’
‘Because I know you haven’t told her about that incident in that Casino.’
‘Oh yeah. Say, how did you get over our fence?’
‘I jumped over it.’
‘Really?’
‘Yeah, you want me to show you.’
I nodded. Barry got up out of his chair and went to the fence. He stood about five feet away and wiggled his nose. Then he made a sort of clicking noise. The clicking got louder and louder until a bright white light enveloped around him. I shielded my eyes.
‘Barry!’ I yelled.
The light died down. The clicking stopped. Standing before me was not Barry. Or at least it wasn’t the human version of Barry. It was Barry the unicorn.
‘Neighhh.’ He proudly snorted as he trotted around me.
I watched him as he continued to trot around me. Then he stopped, put his head down, and galloped towards the fence. Faster and faster he went. He was going to crash into the fence, I thought. He was going to….
Then Barry leapt in the air. I stood there frozen. Watching him as he jumped over with ease. Backwards and forwards from my house to his house he leapt for what seemed like ages. Finally he stopped in his backyard, stamped his hooves three times. Then a dark shadow came over him. It stayed around him for a couple of seconds until it slowly dissipated away. When the shadow had gone unicorn Barry had turned back into human Barry again.
‘So, you believe me now?’ Barry asked me as he brushed himself off.
I just shook my head and laughed as we walked away. And that was how I found out that my good friend and neighbour Barry could turn himself into a unicorn. It has been a couple of weeks since that fateful day. I still haven’t told Sarah about it. I’ve wanted to, but then I remember what Barry said about her. So I keep quiet. I think it is for the best.
The End
‘Did you see that, Sarah?’ I said as my wife walked into the kitchen.
‘See what?’ she mumbled, trying to look for something in the fridge.
Sarah and I were just coming up to our fifth anniversary in a couple of weeks. We first met through some mutual friends. I can’t remember what the occasion was, and nor does she, but I still remember how I felt when I first saw her. Her round blue eyes, black hair and dimples captivated me. From the first time she laughed I knew that I wanted her. We just connected. Soon enough we were dating, then moving in together, and then we got married. Life droned on day after day, but being with her made it more bearable.
‘A unicorn.’
‘A what?’
‘A unicorn. I saw it a couple of minutes ago.’
‘Nonsense.’
‘Honest! I really saw it.’
‘But there’s no such thing as a unicorn. God, stop lying to me, John.’
‘I’m not lying though. Look, if I had proof I would give it to you. But it disappeared before I could take a picture.’
‘Oh, how unlucky for you.’ sneered Sarah rolling her eyes.
‘Look I’ll try and prove it to you.’
I went outside and walked over to the backyard. The grass outside had looked like it was trampled on when I went to inspect it. The flowers were all bent, and the soil was all over the place.
‘Sarah! Look, I was right’ I yelled.
Sarah came cautiously outside.
‘Yes?’
‘Look at the grass. It’s all trodden down, like someone has steeped on it.’
‘This grass always looks like that.’
‘But these flowers that are all bent?’
‘Well the way you take care of this garden it is no wonder the flowers are like that. I mean come on John, even if by some chance you did see this unicorn how the hell would it have gotten out?’
Sarah gestured to our fence. It was about six or seven feet high. A wooden fence, which was rotting and often would have ants crawling all over it. But she was right, there was no way a unicorn could jump over that fence. It was just too high. Or at least it couldn’t have….
‘Well it could have leapt over the fence?’ I asked hopefully.
‘Oh don’t be stupid!’
‘I wonder if Barry has seen it.’
‘Oh god. Please don’t disturb him with this rubbish.’ Said Sarah.
‘Well maybe he’ll believe me? I’ll just pop over to have a chat with him.’
‘Look, I’m going out to do some shopping. Do whatever you have to do.’ Sarah sighed as she walked back inside.
My neighbour, Mr Smith, or Barry as he likes being called, was out the back of his house doing some weeding when I walked up to him. Sarah and I have been neighbours, but more importantly friends for years with him. He was the first person to welcome us to the street all those years ago and from there our friendship grew stronger and stronger. Barry was a couple of years older than me and worked as a butcher. He would often come around to our place and we would go around for dinner. His wife, Belinda, had died a year or so ago from cancer. She was a lovely woman, and would often be found doing some charity work at the local lifeline store. He had no children. Not that he and Belinda ever wanted any.
‘John! How are you?’ he greeted me warmly as we embraced.
‘Not too bad, Barry.’
‘How’s Sarah?’
‘She’s good. Work’s keeping her busy.’
‘Good, good.’
‘Umm, hey, look, I’m sorry if this may sound a bit strange to you….but have you seen a unicorn?’
Barry looked at me with his eyebrows raised. I knew it, I thought, he isn’t going to believe me like Sarah.
‘Well yes…and no.’
‘What? What do you mean?’ I said, trying not to sound too over-eager.
‘You see, I have seen a unicorn when I look into the mirror.’
‘Huh?’
‘I can transform into a unicorn, John.’
I tried to take it all in. There were so many questions I wanted to answer. When did this happen? How long can he stay as a unicorn? Why didn’t he tell Sarah and myself? I wanted answers.
‘What? You are a unicorn? Like an actual unicorn? Oh my I knew I was right. Geez Barry I can’t believe you never told Sarah and I! I can’t wait to…’
‘John, please, can you can just shut up for a second.’ Said Barry, putting his hand up.
‘Fine.’
Barry motioned for me to sit down on some dusty plastic white chairs that were sitting near the undercover area of his house.
‘I need you just to listen for a moment.’ He told me as we sat down.
‘Sure, I’m all ears, Barry.’ I said, still trying to comprehend it all.
‘Well, firstly, I’m sorry I went into your backyard. That was foolish of me. But you see it’s just so wonderful being a unicorn. I feel so alive exploring places. I mean this isn’t the first time I have been in your backyard as a unicorn, it is just this is the first time you saw me.’
Wait, I thought, how many times has been in my backyard? What the hell has he seen?
‘Did you see..?’
‘No, I didn’t see anything.’
‘Good. So how long have you been a unicorn?’
‘All my life. You see I come from a long line of people who can transform into unicorns.’
‘Really?’
‘Yep. I mean I still picture in my head the day that my father sat me down and told me that I could turn myself into a unicorn.’
‘Oh. So why didn’t you tell Sarah and I before? I thought we were friends.’
‘Well we are friends, it’s just that I have to keep it a secret.’
‘But I wouldn’t have cared, and I’m pretty sure Sarah wouldn’t have minded either.’
‘Yeah, I suppose…’ Barry said, looking nervously at the ground.
‘Suppose what?’
‘Your wife, John, she’s lovely. But she’s a bit of a gossip. If she knew that I could become a unicorn then she would tell one of her friends, and they would tell one of her friends.’
‘How do you know if I won’t tell her?’
‘Because I know you haven’t told her about that incident in that Casino.’
‘Oh yeah. Say, how did you get over our fence?’
‘I jumped over it.’
‘Really?’
‘Yeah, you want me to show you.’
I nodded. Barry got up out of his chair and went to the fence. He stood about five feet away and wiggled his nose. Then he made a sort of clicking noise. The clicking got louder and louder until a bright white light enveloped around him. I shielded my eyes.
‘Barry!’ I yelled.
The light died down. The clicking stopped. Standing before me was not Barry. Or at least it wasn’t the human version of Barry. It was Barry the unicorn.
‘Neighhh.’ He proudly snorted as he trotted around me.
I watched him as he continued to trot around me. Then he stopped, put his head down, and galloped towards the fence. Faster and faster he went. He was going to crash into the fence, I thought. He was going to….
Then Barry leapt in the air. I stood there frozen. Watching him as he jumped over with ease. Backwards and forwards from my house to his house he leapt for what seemed like ages. Finally he stopped in his backyard, stamped his hooves three times. Then a dark shadow came over him. It stayed around him for a couple of seconds until it slowly dissipated away. When the shadow had gone unicorn Barry had turned back into human Barry again.
‘So, you believe me now?’ Barry asked me as he brushed himself off.
I just shook my head and laughed as we walked away. And that was how I found out that my good friend and neighbour Barry could turn himself into a unicorn. It has been a couple of weeks since that fateful day. I still haven’t told Sarah about it. I’ve wanted to, but then I remember what Barry said about her. So I keep quiet. I think it is for the best.
The End
