ME TOO - Is there a female alive that hasn't had males do gross stuff


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I was wondering this morning if Karl S will now temper his innuendo and somewhat tacky demeanor in light of all that's coming out. As for Matt Lauer - blimey! Everyone's being knocked around.


Lauer always gave off a creepy vibe

Peter Jackson reveals that Ashley Judd, Mira Sorvino were ‘blocked from Lord of the Rings’ as part of a smear campaign by Harvey Weinstein
PETER Jackson says Harvey Weinstein talked him out of casting Ashley Judd and Mira Sorvino in the Lord of the Rings trilogy, telling him they were a “nightmare to work with”.

PETER Jackson has revealed the extent of Harvey Weinstein’s smear campaign against those women he is reported to have sexually harassed.

The Hobbit director told when he was pitching his idea for the Lord of the Rings trilogy with Weinstein’s then-company Miramax, he was steered away from casting both Ashley Judd and Mira Sorvino.

Jackson called said Weinstein and his brother Bob were like “second-rate Mafia bullies”.

He said Weinstein threatened to sack him if he didn’t turn his planned two-part movie into a single feature.

Jackson took it to New Line studio, which suggested actually making the Tolkien adaptation three parts to match the books.

“The (Weinsteins) weren’t the type of guys I wanted to work with — so I haven’t,” he said. “Although his name had to be on the Lord of the Rings credits for contractual reasons, he was not involved in the movies we ended up making.”

Sorvino said she started to cry when she read the story and discovered that her hunch Weinstein was derailing her career was well-founded.

I wonder.....can some of these women sue him for loss of earnings?????

When Alyssa Milano wrote a tweet encouraging women to come forward with stories of sexual harassment and assault, it revived Tarana Burke’s #MeToo movement, resulting in millions of sexual assault survivors sharing their stories. So many brave people are continuing to tell their stories on a (much needed) larger scale.

However, as with any movement calling for social change, there are negative and unnecessary responses. One of them is #NotMe — a pseudo-movement started by men who have made themselves the focus. In a sentence, this is problematic — but let’s break down exactly why this is such a horrible thing to do.

First off, #MeToo is a space for survivors — not a space for uncomfortable men to shift blame and feel better.
In this instance, #NotMe is to #MeToo what #AllLivesMatter is to #BlackLivesMatter. It is invalidating and unhelpful on so many levels. Refocusing stories of sexual assault away from survivors and back to men seeking some sort of validation for not being an assaulter is absurd and wrong.

#NotMe shouldn’t exist because respecting women should not be an act that merits recognition — it should be the norm.

There is nothing extraordinary about treating people well and respecting their humanity. #NotMe seems to think we should note how many men don’t take part in the kinds of behaviors that result in #MeToo, but it’s not that simple.

Maybe several of the men tweeting #NotMe don’t think they’ve ever gone out of their way to sexually harass anyone — but they’ve been accomplices and bystanders in the face of harassment, and that in itself is unacceptable.

On the morning of the 18th, my news feed was full of women saying #MeToo. Many of my friends chose to speak out about the sexual harassment they’ve experienced, and many chose not to. Reasons for not participating are all varied and all valid. A friend of mine expressed the lack of impact she felt her voice would have, directly relating it to #NotMe.
“Nobody ever listens, and if enough men say #NotMe, it’ll quiet down again.”

Her words were sobering, and true. This is far from the first time that women have spoken out about sexual assault.

It’s far from the first time that one perpetrator has been punished (albeit, very lightly). There are still so many vile predators in every industry — Hollywood, gymnastics, music and more — who continue to succeed despite their history of sexual abuse. It is an unacceptable part of our culture that allows them to do so, and it must end.

#NotMe is not useful.
It is not helpful, and it is not welcome. Instead of shifting blame, men should embrace #HowIWillChange, a hashtag that calls for men to own up and take it upon themselves to end sexual assault.

Instead of saying “not me” and removing themselves from a situation that they are systematically part of, men should be looking to change. Our culture gives abusers a pass and allows them to live without consequences. While it’s discouraging, it can change. But we need men to stand up and change — not just say that they will. We need to hold men responsible for their own and each other’s behaviors.

As long as women all over the world are saying #MeToo, responding with #NotMe will never be acceptable.
Sexual harassment is an issue that women continue to face. We need people to believe us, support us, and speak out against it with us. It doesn’t help if your “allyship” is really just men absolving themselves of any responsibility. Instead, men, show us #HowYouWillChange — today and every other day


NYPD Special Victims Unit 'receiving new sexual harassment complaints against powerful men almost daily' as it works on probes against Russell Simmons and Harvey Weinstein
  • NYPD says new sexual harassment allegations against powerful men are ‘coming up almost daily’
  • Department began a criminal investigation this week against hip hop mogul Russell Simmons
  • A total of 12 women have come forward in recent weeks to accuse Simmons of sex crimes
  • Thursday night, fashion PR maven and reality star Kelly Cutrone claimed the entertainment mogul tried to rape her in 1991
  • On his Instagram page on Thursday, Simmons denied the allegations and vowed to disprove each of them
  • In addition to Simmons, the NYPD is investigating allegations against film producer Harvey Weinstein
  • Last month, NYPD top brass said that Weinstein's arrest is all but imminent
  • Detectives got a call from actress Paz de la Huerta, who told investigators that she had been raped by Weinstein on two occasions back in 2010

Read more:
Follow us: @MailOnline on Twitter | DailyMail on Facebook


Minnie Driver: men like Matt Damon 'cannot understand what abuse is like'
Actor calls former co-star’s remarks about ‘spectrum of behaviour’ in sexual misconduct ‘Orwellian’ and questions defence of disgraced comedian Louis CK


The actor Minnie Driver has told the Guardian that men “simply cannot understand what abuse is like on a daily level” and should not therefore attempt to differentiate or explain sexual misconduct against women.
Driver was discussing comments by Matt Damon, whom she once dated and with whom she starred in the Oscar-winning 1997 film Good Will Hunting. In an interview with ABC News this week, Damon said alleged sexual misconduct by powerful men involved “a spectrum of behaviour”.

Damon said there was “a difference between patting someone on the butt and rape or child molestation. Both of those behaviours need to be confronted and eradicated without question, but they shouldn’t be conflated.”

He added that society was in a “watershed moment” and said it was “wonderful that women are feeling empowered to tell their stories and it’s totally necessary”. But he said: “We live in this culture of outrage and injury, that we’re going to have to correct enough to kind of go, ‘Wait a minute. None of us came here perfect.’”

In her first response to Damon, Driver wrote on Twitter: “God God, seriously?
“Gosh it’s so interesting (profoundly unsurprising) how men with all these opinions about women’s differentiation between sexual misconduct, assault and rape reveal themselves to be utterly tone deaf and as a result, systemically part of the problem.”

Driver’s response to Damon was shared widely on social media, alongside that of the actor Alyssa Milano, who said: “There are different stages of cancer. Some more treatable than others. But it’s still cancer.”

On Saturday, Driver told the Guardian: “I felt I desperately needed to say something. I’ve realised that most men, good men, the men that I love, there is a cut-off in their ability to understand. They simply cannot understand what abuse is like on a daily level.

“I honestly think that until we get on the same page, you can’t tell a woman about their abuse. A man cannot do that. No one can. It is so individual and so personal, it’s galling when a powerful man steps up and starts dictating the terms, whether he intends it or not.”

Driver’s comments come more than two months into a radical national reappraisal of gender relations begun by accusations against Harvey Weinstein, an executive producer of Good Will Hunting who denies allegations including sexual assault and rape.

Speaking to ABC, Damon compared allegations against Weinstein, Al Franken, Kevin Spacey and the comedian Louis CK, whom he commended for his remorseful response.
“That’s the sign of somebody who – well, we can work with that,” Damon said, adding: “I don’t know Louis CK. I’ve never met him. I’m a fan of his, but I don’t imagine he’s going to do those things again. You know what I mean? I imagine the price that he’s paid at this point is so beyond anything ... ”

Driver said that as accusations, suspensions and firings first swept through Hollywood, she initially refrained from comment. She was now moved to expand her initial response to Damon.

“I don’t understand why Matt would defend Louis CK,” she said. “It seems to me that he thinks that because he didn’t rape somebody – so far as we know – that what he did do wasn’t as bad.”

The comedian was accused of misconduct including masturbating in front of a number of women. In response, he said “these stories are true” but did not specifically apologise.
“That’s a problem,” Driver continued. “If good men like Matt Damon are thinking like that then we’re in a lot of fucking trouble. We need good intelligent men to say this is all bad across the board, condemn it all and start again.”

Driver argued that men should not be granted the power to interpret abuse inflicted on women without the risk of redoubling an injustice they can scarcely understand.

“I felt that what Matt Damon was saying was an Orwellian idea, we are all equal except that some us are more equal than others,” she said. “Put abuse in there … that all abuse is equal but some is worse.”

She added: “There is no hierarchy of abuse – that if a woman is raped [it] is much worse than if woman has a penis exposed to her that she didn’t want or ask for … you cannot tell those women that one is supposed to feel worse than the other.

“And it certainly can’t be prescribed by a man. The idea of tone deafness is the idea there [is] no equivalency.
“How about: it’s all fucking wrong and it’s all bad, and until you start seeing it under one umbrella it’s not your job to compartmentalise or judge what is worse and what is not. Let women do the speaking up right now. The time right now is for men just to listen and not have an opinion about it for once.”

Since the first publication of allegations against Weinstein, a number of women have come forward to detail abuse they have suffered. This week, the actor Salma Hayek wrote a long essay for the New York Times about her treatment by Weinstein.

“There is not a woman I know,” Driver said, “myself included, who has not experienced verbal abuse and sexual epithets their whole fucking life, right up to being manhandled and having my career threatened several times by men I wouldn’t sleep with.”

Driver did not elaborate on the persons or circumstances involved. But she expressed optimism that as the culture of harassment and abuse that has existed is exposed, men will find a way to support women.

“In the same stereotypical way that we see women being supportive of men in their endeavors,” she said, “I feel that’s what women need of men in this moment. They need men to lean on and not question.

“Men can rally and they can support, but I don’t think its appropriate, per se, for men to have an opinion about how women should be metabolising abuse. Ever.”

Clarence Thomas accuser Anita Hill to spearhead fight against harassment in Hollywood
Published:17 Dec 2017

Anita Hill, who sparked a nascent national reckoning with sexual harassment when she testified during Clarence Thomas’s supreme court confirmation hearings in 1991, has been chosen to lead a commission on sexual misconduct organized and financed by some of the most prominent figures in Hollywood.

The Commission on Sexual Harassment and Advancing Equality in the Workplace will be charged with tackling “the broad culture of abuse and power disparity” in media and entertainment, a statement from its organisers said.

“The commission will lead the entertainment industry toward alignment in achieving safer, fairer, more equitable and accountable workplaces – particularly for women and marginalized people.”

Commission organisers some of the most powerful women in the film industry, including Kathleen Kennedy, president of Lucasfilm; Freada Kapor Klein, a venture capitalist and longtime advocate for sexual harassment victims; Nina Shaw, a Hollywood lawyer; and Maria Eitel, who co-chairs the Nike Foundation.


#MeToo is important, but the war on women is a far, far bigger deal
This year was a remarkable one in terms of women’s rights. From the euphoria of the Women’s March to the pent-up trauma released by the #MeToo disclosures, 2017 has been a rollercoaster for activists – and for most women. On Donald Trump’s first full day as US president on 20 January, women’s rights activists marched in unprecedented numbers in more than 70 countries. In October, allegations of a long record of sexual harassment and violence on the part of the Hollywood producer Harvey Weinstein set off a flood of similar allegations against other prominent men across the globe, toppling dozens by the end of the year. Women worldwide are fed up and that frustration was on display in ways that felt unusually visible and global.
But if the legacy of 2017 is to be more than a warm glow and a pussy hat, 2018 needs to deliver concrete, sustained change. Activists must harness the energy of the marches and #MeToo, connecting the struggles of women and girls internationally and creating change despite women’s rights often feeling increasingly under siege..............................................................................................................................................

To nurture the seeds of change sown in 2017, the women’s movement will need to find effective ways to embrace the problems of all women. Many have made the point that most of the attention generated by #MeToo has focused on elite workplaces and elite victims – the sense that many women who have come forward may risk losing a film role but won’t be left unable to feed their children. This response needs to be global, addressing the racial and economic divides that can deprive the movement of unity. Drawing connections and mutual support between a Rohingya rape survivor in Bangladesh and a groped intern in the UK parliament, an out-of-school girl in Tanzania and a woman denied access to abortion in Nicaragua will never be easy. Nevertheless, so many of our problems are faced in common...............................................................................................................................................

In 2018, our movement will have to widen its scope. Sexual harassment, abuse and assault of women is commonplace in many industries and workplaces. #MeToo has triggered discussion about gender-based employment discrimination, both overt discrimination and the more insidious ways inequality excludes, marginalises and exploits women workers. Women know that sexual harassment, job discrimination, reproductive rights and violence against women are all connected – they see those connections all around them. We need reform in all those areas, in virtually every country.

The growing number of women running for office, including many in the US prompted to seek election by Trump’s victory, is a good sign. And female voters in every country can demand more gender-balanced cabinets, such as those appointed by Canada’s Justin Trudeau, South Korea’s Moon Jae-in and France’s Emmanuel Macron. Sweden has a “feminist foreign policy” and this year Canada pledged a feminist policy on overseas aid. They can be held to these policies, which could be models for all democracies. National action plans on women, peace and security offer a chance to focus global attention on the rights of women and girls affected by conflict.

Power concedes nothing without a demand, as the African American abolitionist and statesman Frederick Douglass said. Women communicated loud and clear in 2017 that they are fed up. Now they need to say exactly what they want and keep pressing those demands every day, in every country. The year 2017 was ferocious in terms of women’s rights; 2018 will be an even tougher fight.

Heather Barr is a senior researcher for Human Rights Watch

( the article here:



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There are numerous articles on this I have seen in the last couple of days, where basically a girl was at an R18 event and was walking around with glitter on her breasts after having been body painted, and a guy runs up and grabs her breast, so she turns around and hits him back. I have found the comments on these articles stunning with so many both males and females saying she was asking for it by waling around like that. Are so many in society really saying that without a scrap of material covering someones nipples that a man just cannot control themselves that they just have to go cop a feel? It sounds like it was an event where she wasn't the only one doing this, (they had body painters on site) so it didn't need to have crossed her mind it may not be a safe space to do so.
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This is common attire for festivals, glitter tits, and naked tits have been acceptable attire for 50 + years....Woodstock footage they began frolicking nude....
Apparently the woman above had endured a day of endless abuse, this was the last straw, thus why they were ready to react - a problem for a lot of females is we don't have an auto defence reaction, we learn to run not hit back as boys grow bigger than us.

Most self defence for women things focus on getting women to be more reactive and quickly aggressive - we have been tuned to be passive.

It is ridiculous there are men flaunting their huge man boobs everywhere, women have equal rights to flop about if they so wish.


And here is a perfect blog article...responding to sexist critics of #me too.....just like the wankers that came here to abuse women in an stop abusing women thread.....

Stop asking me ‘what about men?’

Everyone who follows my blog knows that my best work is written in rage, or port. But Christmas has gone now so no more port.
Well, at least I still have rage. So back to that.

Recently I have been getting increasingly frustrated with ‘whataboutery’ every single time I write or speak about women or girls.
For those of you who don’t know what that word means, ‘whataboutery’ is when someone responds to a difficult issue or question with a counter issue or question that completely derails the conversation.

Mai: My research focussed on the murder of women in Yemen
Randomer: uh, this is a bit sexist. What about the murder of men in Yemen? Don’t you care about men?

Example 2:
Pam: I’m really upset with you for stealing from my purse
Mel: What about that time you stole from the local shop? You’re not innocent either, you know!
Pam: I was 9.

Familiar with that? Yep? Thought you might be. Sometimes reminds me of gaslighting.
Okay, so back to the rage. Rage that I need to put in context for this blog to make a jot of sense.

Almost 5 years ago, my father in law died after we had tried everything to help him and begged every agency and service for help. We got the dreaded phone call from police to say they had found a body. It was his. We had to go and identify him. He was a very vulnerable adult struggling with addiction, homelessness and a very complicated trauma history.

At his wake, my Husband and I decided to set up a charity for male mental health and well-being and we named it ‘The Eaton Foundation’ (TEF).

(Someone once laughed at me, ‘Bit narcissistic of you isn’t it, naming a foundation after yourself?’ and then went every shade of red whilst I told them it was my late Father in Law’s name.)

So in 2013 we founded the charity, of which I am still the Chairperson. The charity only supports adult men. We grew exponentially. I mean – from like 10 men to 150 men in one year. In the second year of operation I managed to secure over £270k of funding and funded the renovation of a huge old derelict building which we turned into the first male mental health and well-being centre in the UK.

My husband runs it on the day-to-day, along with his staff and volunteers. We now employ 6 people and have a further 9 volunteers. We see hundreds of men a year who benefit from completely free, lifelong support including counselling, benefits advice, food parcels, housing advocacy, legal advice, IT suite, music and band practice, employment clubs and training courses, fitness clubs, art therapy and so on. Some guys have been coming every day for years. Our clientele is between 18 and 85 years old from every walk of life you can imagine.

Why am I telling you this?

Because in those 5 years, I have NEVER received the amount of abuse and ‘whataboutery’ that I get for my work and research with women and girls.
Most of you know me for my work with women and girls and my controversial tumble into CSE. My PhD focusses on the victim blaming of women and girls in society which includes one of the largest ever literature reviews of every factor in society that supports victim blaming of women and girls (I do mean every factor I could find evidence for – from porn to Hinduism).

I have a career history in rape centre management and criminal justice management of vulnerable and intimidated witness programmes, which is where I built my experience and knowledge of sexual violence, homicides, trafficking and other serious crimes across my courts.

I launched a study last year, exploring the many different forms of victim blaming women and girls can experience. Over 700 people responded. My other recent studies have included interviewing women who have been blamed for rape and abuse, interviewing therapists and support workers who work with women who blame themselves for being abused or attacked and a complex study in which I developed and validated a new psychometric measure of victim blaming of women.
I honestly cannot express how much whataboutery I get.

Here are some real examples:

‘Don’t you think you’re being sexist by only writing about women in this article?’

‘This article is good but where are your studies on men?’

‘I don’t condone murder but don’t you think you are gender biased, only caring about the murders of women?’

‘You can tell the psychologist who wrote this study is a sexist bitch who hates men’

‘This study was ridiculous. All you care about is women! What about men?’

‘You should have your PhD removed. This is so sexist. None of your research is about men.’

‘By only caring about women, you basically say that all men are rapists.’

‘This is great Jessica! But I wonder if you can now build one of these for boys and men and why they aren’t included in the first place?’

‘Why do you only focus on women? Men can get abused as well, you know!’

‘What about men, cunt?’

Honestly, I could go on forever and ever.


PART 2.......

In fact, I did one study where there was a free text question at the end and a whopping 9% of respondents chose to use that box to criticise me for not researching men. I say whopping because the free text box didn’t even ask them a question about that and 63 people still managed to use the box to whack in some ‘whataboutery’.
Not only that but a further 14% (over 90 people) left comments that were just plain nasty or abusive. One guy told me that my work was shit and he hopes I fail my PhD. And then left his full name and job title. He was an academic at a university. In my field. He even put some kisses on.
And what perplexes me about all of this, is that I have no such experiences of running TEF.

I can’t tell you about the hundreds of messages or tweets we get asking ‘what about women?’ – because it’s never happened.

I don’t have any stories about the times we got sent a tonne of abuse when we conducted research with general public in the community about male mental health stigma – because it’s never happened.
I can switch over to the TEF twitter account right now and write literally anything about men and nothing bad will ever happen. Our Facebook page has thousands of followers and we never get threats, abuse or whataboutery.

Fair enough, my Twitter is currently at about 4.5k followers but my teeny tiny Facebook page is only on a few hundred followers and I get between 10-20 abusive messages and comments a week – almost exclusively comments about me focusing on women and girls – which usually results in me being called a ‘fat, ugly feminist cunt’ or something along those eloquent lines.

Recently this has all caused me to reflect.

Why don’t I get any abuse when I speak and write about men and boys?
Why am I hailed?

Why did we win 6 charity awards and over £300k in the first 18 months of operation?

Why did I end up on every TV channel and radio in the UK? Why can I launch studies and campaigns and videos and appeals for TEF about male mental health and receive ZERO whataboutery comments?

And why do I get shouted down if I even dare post one tweet about violence against women or rape statistics or murders of women by partners?

Why do I get hundreds of messages and tweets every week asking me:
‘But what about men?’

And actually, this isn’t rocket science. This is uncomfortable but it’s real talk:

Women are socialised into their gender roles (gender roles are harmful, narrow, stereotypical characteristics and expectations assigned to males and females to conform to a societal norm) to not even possess a shred of the sense of entitlement that men have. Women do not read a campaign about male mental health or male abuse or male cancers and furiously tweet back ‘what about women, you cunt?!’ because they didn’t think about themselves when they read it. They didn’t see the campaign as two fingers up to women.

Perfect example: Movember.

Have you EVER in your life seen women kicking off that Movember is sexist? Or that the campaign should include women? Or that focusing on testicular cancer is exclusionary? No. Have you fuck.

Second perfect example: Male suicide rates.

We know that the leading cause of death in young men aged 18-35 is suicide. This is the strongest symptom of a patriarchal society where emotionless males struggle to cope with trauma and feelings, can’t open up, don’t feel safe to talk and become completely overwhelmed by emotions they are taught are ‘feminine’, which further induces shame and stigma.
In all my years I have never seen women jump on those campaigns yelling ‘women commit suicide too, you know!!’ Or ‘what about women?’

Switch it over. Women’s marches. Pussy hats. IWD. Counting dead women. VAWG strategies. Women’s health screening. Women’s reproductive health. Women’s mental health. Rape campaigns. #metoo.

There is ALWAYS someone saying ‘what about men though?’ under all of those issues. It’s as sure as taxes and death.

Like a depressing new catchphrase nobody wants:

There’s only three things you can be certain of in life: taxes, death and some randomer yelling ‘what about men?’ every time you talk about women’s issues.’

‘Whataboutery’ comes from a place of misogyny. An arrogant, derailing technique used to respond to a campaign, video, research study, intervention, organisation or communication that screams ‘I don’t care about women, talk about men!!’
And the proof is in the pudding for me. Because when I do all those things with a focus on boys and men, I’m a fucking hero. But when I do all of those things and focus on girls and women, I’m a fat, ugly feminist cunt.

So I need to explain something else. This is not about equality. ‘Whataboutery’ has nothing to do with equality. It’s not about reminding us that men suffer too. Social issues aren’t equal.

When I write a tweet about women being murdered or raped, I didn’t forget men. I didn’t forget they could be murdered or raped. I didn’t accidentally miss them off my tweet. I simply CHOSE to talk about the experiences of females. It is not helpful, or clever, or promoting ‘equality’ to write to a researcher specialising in women’s studies and tell her in three paragraphs why she should focus on men.

It is not useful to ‘send a gentle reminder than men can get raped too, you know’.
If you’re reading this and you know you have done this to someone, please think twice before doing it again. It’s not helpful. It’s derailing.
We do not need to centre men in every conversation we have. Women and girls are valid entities, independent from men.
We need to get to a point where we can talk about women’s issues and get the same level of respect we get when we talk about men’s issues.
Until then, your ‘Whataboutery’ is unwelcome here.

What about that?
Written by Jessica Eaton


What a little legend Jessica Eaton is!

Isn't she. She expresses how I feel so often, so exactly, and is very practical

The boys whinge, because women are better at this/that/lots, and they try to block us non stop
I belong to a traditionally male dominated profession that is being modernised and improved by women, who dominate at Uni but not in board rooms still. Males used to/still do say it is not suitable for the FAIRER SEX.....literally this is how it was described and blocking used this way.
So, we have a female specific sub association of the general association for professionals - and it never ends the wank by males....
Male complaints: Ergh why is there this sexist femme section, ergh where is the men's association......????
Response: You have your club mate, it is called the ENTIRE WORLD, ENTIRE PROFESSION, ENTIRE ASOCIATION





SINGER/ARTIST HALSEY................was asked to give a speech, here is her poem


It’s 2009 and I’m 14 and I’m crying

Not really sure where I am but I’m holding the hand of my best friend Sam

In the waiting room of a Planned Parenthood

The air is sterile and clean, and the walls are that not grey, but green

And the lights are so bright they could burn a whole through the seam of my jeans

My phone is buzzing in the pocket

My mom is asking me if I remembered my keys ‘cause she’s closing the door and she needs to lock it

But I can’t tell my mom where I’ve gone

I can’t tell anyone at all

You see, my best friend Sam was raped by a man that we knew ‘cause he worked in the after-school program

And he held her down with her textbook beside her

And he covered her mouth and he came inside her

So now I’m with Sam, at the place with a plan, waiting for the results of a medical exam

And she’s praying she doesn’t need an abortion, she couldn’t afford it

And her parents would, like, totally kill her

It’s 2002 and my family just moved and the only people I know are my mom’s friends, too, and her son

He’s got a case of Matchbox cars and he says that he’ll teach me to play the guitar if I just keep quiet

And the stairwell beside apartment 1245 will haunt me in my sleep for as long as I am alive

And I’m too young to know why it aches in my thighs, but I must lie, I must lie

It’s 2012 and I’m dating a guy and I sleep in his bed and I just learned how to drive

And he’s older than me and he drinks whiskey neat and he’s paying for everything

This adult thing is not cheap

We’ve been fighting a lot, almost 10 times a week

And he wants to have sex, and I just want to sleep

He says I can’t say no to him

This much I owe to him

He buys my dinner, so I have to b**w him

He’s taken to forcing me down on my knees

And I’m confused ‘cause he’s hurting me while he says please

And he’s only a man, and these things he just needs

He’s my boyfriend, so why am I filled with unease?

It’s 2017 and I live like a queen

And I’ve followed damn near every one of my dreams

I’m invincible and I’m so f**king naive

I believe I’m protected ‘cause I live on a screen

Nobody would dare act that way around me

I’ve earned my protection, eternally clean

Until a man that I trust gets his hands in my pants

But I don’t want none of that, I just wanted to dance

And I wake up the next morning like I’m in a trance and there’s blood

Is that my blood?

Hold on a minute

You see I’ve worked every day since I was 18

I’ve toured everywhere from Japan to Mar-a-Lago

I even went on stage that night in Chicago when I was having a miscarriage

I mean, I pied the piper, I put on a diaper

And sang out my spleen to a room full of teens

What do you mean this happened to me?

You can’t put your hands on me

You don’t know what my body has been through

I’m supposed to be safe now

I earned it

It’s 2018 and I’ve realised nobody is safe long as she is alive

And every friend that I know has a story like mine

And the world tells me we should take it as a compliment

But then heroes like Ashley and Simone and Gabby, McKayla and Gaga, Rosario, Aly

Remind me this is the beginning, it is not the finale

And that’s why we’re here

And that’s why we rally

It’s Olympians and a medical resident and not one fucking word from the man who is President

It’s about closed doors and secrets and legs and stilletos from the Hollywood hills to the projects in ghettos

When babies are ripped from the arms of teen mothers and child brides cry globally under the covers

Who don’t have a voice on the magazine covers

They tell us take cover

But we are not free until all of us are free

So love your neighbour, please treat her kindly

Ask her story and then shut up and listen

Black, Asian, poor, wealthy, trans, cis, Muslim, Christian

Listen, listen and then yell at the top of your lungs

Be a voice for all those who have prisoner tongues

For the people who had to grow up way too young

There is work to be done

There are songs to be sung

Lord knows there’s a war to be won


We must teach boys that unrequited love is not a wrong that should be righted
Men’s inability to process rejection is a tale as old as time. As the chillingly prescient adage by Margaret Atwood says, "Men are afraid that women will laugh at them. Women are afraid that men will kill them." It’s fascinating that it’s apparently a “woman scorned” that hell hath no fury like, when it’s men who are so terrifying when spurned.

I spent the best part of my teenage years honing the skill of conjuring convincing fake names and numbers when approached by men I didn’t know or owe anything to on the street, because simply saying I wasn’t interested didn’t feel like a viable option. I still remember the very creeping fear of if they decided to “test” me by ringing the number on the spot and would realise I had been lying. They won’t take it as a sign to back off, I thought. They’ll get angry.

‘If at first you don't succeed, try, try again’ is an idiom applicable to school work or football matches... not the feelings of human beings

While scenarios such as this are as widely accepted as they are concerning, they don’t stem from nowhere. We have to ask ourselves whether this type of behaviour – persistence to the point of pressuring – is something we actively attempt to eradicate or encourage as a society. Twitter user @adigoesswimming brought this into question, sharing an anecdote about how her nephew has been taught to deal with romantic rejection:

“My teenage nephew told me he asked a girl out and she turned him down,” she wrote. “I said, ‘You know what to do now, right?’ He said, ‘I know, I know keep trying’ and I said ‘NO. LEAVE HER ALONE. She gave you an answer.’ He was shocked. NO ONE had told him that before. TEACH. YOUR. BOYS.”

Too often, boys are raised with the idea that unrequited love is simply a wrong that must be righted, an error in judgement that consistent pressure will one day transform. It is a belief propagated by film and family members, and yet we balk at the seemingly endless string of stories that end in men taking the lives of women when their forcefulness doesn’t yield results. “If at first you don't succeed, try, try again” is an idiom applicable to school work, football matches and several other daunting or difficult tasks, not the feelings of human beings. The competitive nature we instill in boys bleeds into everyday interactions, as little effort is made to discern healthy boundaries and encourage the processing of rejection. Everything is a bid to “win over” or “win back” an unwilling party, like a living trophy. When women are deemed objects, instead of autonomous beings with wants of their own, the lines become blurred.

“The cause of confusion is obvious,” Twitter user @chris_csernica chimed in. “In most every other area we encourage persistence in the face of failure. And in most every other area, this is correct. The difference is that another person's affections must be freely given and not some kind of reward for one's efforts.”

While girls are taught to find peace in the fact there are plenty more fish in the sea, men are taught to relentlessly rock up to the same spot in the pond, reeling their in-and-out rod until the same fish that clearly has no interest in biting is caught. Even women are at times brainwashed into believing that a man who is not willing to border on criminal activity to woo you perhaps simply “isn’t that into you” – an undue level of persistence is often seen as a marker of interest. A man on Twitter once regaled users by recounting the story of when he had called every number in the Yellow Pages under the name of a woman he hoped to track down after their brief conversation with in a bar. The response was 50 per cent swoons, 50 per cent turning stomachs. Since we are just beginning to discuss and dissect sexual consent with young men, surely it’s time this extended to the interactions that precursor it?

The idea of harassment being “romantic” behaviour is unhelpfully corroborated by the media, in which men are rewarded for their incessant trying with love and sex from previously uninterested women.

At the core of these cases, however big or small, is the belief women and our affection is something that, if can’t be earned, is owed. The trail of men who kill because of real or imagined spurned advances – from Alek Minassian who killed 10 people by driving a van down a busy street in Toronto to Elliot Rodger who killed six in a shooting spree in California – leads firmly to entitlement. And if we leave films and the press to do the talking to our boys instead of ourselves, it’s an issue that is going nowhere fast.