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General O/T Chit Chat Thread

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bleachy_dude said:
*waves*

Wedding was really lovely. It was at Lindemans winery estate at the Hunter Valley and was a fantastic night. The best way to describe it was probably as the aunt of the groom said to me "it was like a woodland fairy" wedding. A bit hipster.
The wedding cake was made to look like logs of a tree and one layer was mars bar cake. It was the best. Not good for the diet. Ah well.
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Oh that's cool - wow it sounds so nice and, well, cool. Especially this Mars Bar cake :sneaky: but yeah weddings are rarely diet friendly unless you want to practice self control or something, which is boring. My mum went to a wedding last year that provided no food or alcohol, I guess that's pretty diet friendly.
 
reepbot said:
Like this

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Haha YES although I doubt I'd keep it that manicured ever since, you know... chocolate!
 
jessy_girl said:
Oh that's cool - wow it sounds so nice and, well, cool. Especially this Mars Bar cake :sneaky: but yeah weddings are rarely diet friendly unless you want to practice self control or something, which is boring. My mum went to a wedding last year that provided no food or alcohol, I guess that's pretty diet friendly.
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Woah? What did the guests do? Was there just no reception ... Or?
 
crimmy said:
i can beat that .. friend married a woman who refused to invite anyone to wedding - because she 'wasn't going to be paying for anyone to get drunk!' nice - real nice!
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Haha that's funny.

This wedding I went to had a 'limited bar tab' and it was advised to bring cash in case. However it was a fairly well-behaved crowd and I think the bar tab never run out. Or if it did only in the last half hour or so. My last drink was about 45 mins before the bar closed and the tab was still open.
 
when it comes down to it the question is are you there to celebrate and witness their marriage or are you there for the refreshments?

I guess it depends on what people can afford ... and if they couldn't afford the reception but still wanted a gathering of their friends - well the priority should be on the celebration of the wedding itself ... and attendance rather than just food/drink

personally if the budget was tight I'd rather cut back numbers and provide at least champagne and wedding cake rather than BYO everything but then you offend those you miss off the list ... so you can't win either way really

I think expectations for weddings have gotten out of hand and can suck so much joy out of what should be a wonderful day for everyone involved - so much so that I hope my sons elope!! I'll happily pay the cost of the wedding into their mortgage rather than see money circling a drain for some over the top extravaganza that doesn't come with ironclad guarantee that the marriage will last.
 
Yes weddings are stupidly overpriced. For sure you get people just going for the free feed and it gets a bit out of hand if people start bringing partners that don't even know the bride or groom. There are ways to cut costs but it's hard. I'm only so-so on going to weddings as it is and I'm not in it JUST for the freebies, but I think it's a bit cheeky to not provide anything. Maybe that's because I've only ever gone to weddings with food and drink etc do it's what I'm used to. I've definitely never had to bring a plate of food!
 
crimmy said:
when it comes down to it the question is are you there to celebrate and witness their marriage or are you there for the refreshments?

I guess it depends on what people can afford ... and if they couldn't afford the reception but still wanted a gathering of their friends - well the priority should be on the celebration of the wedding itself ... and attendance rather than just food/drink

personally if the budget was tight I'd rather cut back numbers and provide at least champagne and wedding cake rather than BYO everything but then you offend those you miss off the list ... so you can't win either way really

I think expectations for weddings have gotten out of hand and can suck so much joy out of what should be a wonderful day for everyone involved - so much so that I hope my sons elope!! I'll happily pay the cost of the wedding into their mortgage rather than see money circling a drain for some over the top extravaganza that doesn't come with ironclad guarantee that the marriage will last.
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I know a girl who was divorced by age 23 and her dad was still paying off the wedding by the time the divorce was finalised. Of course you think/hope it will last but there are no guarantees. Your offer of a mortgage repayment is very sensible and so generous. I 100% would want to elope if it was up to me.
 
I never had a reception for my wedding. A family death happened the same week as our wedding, so we settled for a church ceremony and family pics afterwards.

It was either cancel the wedding and plan for another couple of months or elope. However our honeymoon was non refundable and even if we postponed we were still expected to pay for the flowers, a percentage of the cars, photographer and video man. The men had already hired the suits too. Obviously this is not an ideal scenario. And a lot of people were put off with the continuation of the ceremony. But life just doesn't work out the way we expect. I have no regrets about it though, in hindsight I wish we could have given our families something to remember, but it's one day in a lifetime of memories to be made.
 
Unless that wedding your mum went to was maybe some sort of traditional or they were skint and people sort of did it out of respect?

You're right @crimmy it's ridiculous, frankly I'm glad I'm not allowed to get married just yet because the price alone scares me (usually between 20 and 40 grand isn't it?).
If they were to legalize gay marriage I'd like to just walk into the registry office but I fear my family would be FURIOUS.
 
Sweetgeek said:
I never had a reception for my wedding. A family death happened the same week as our wedding, so we settled for a church ceremony and family pics afterwards.

It was either cancel the wedding and plan for another couple of months or elope. However our honeymoon was non refundable and even if we postponed we were still expected to pay for the flowers, a percentage of the cars, photographer and video man. The men had already hired the suits too. Obviously this is not an ideal scenario. And a lot of people were put off with the continuation of the ceremony. But life just doesn't work out the way we expect. I have no regrets about it though, in hindsight I wish we could have given our families something to remember, but it's one day in a lifetime of memories to be made.
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goes to show that no matter what you do under whatever circumstances at the time - you can't make everyone happy with your choices ... main thing is though you do what feels right for you at the time and obviously you did :)
 
Yeah no idea with this wedding my mum went to. I guess bringing a plate and a few drinks is no big deal, probably it's what everyone would like to do but society sort of dictates a different direction. Maybe the trend will change a bit down the line, probably not though.

My sister recently got engaged and I think my dad is crying at the thought of paying for multiple weddings in one year. Especially my sister, I think he needs to set a budget with her because she is into her excesses. It doesn't help that our extended family is massive and it's almost compulsory to invite every second cousin etc.
 
jessy_girl said:
I know a girl who was divorced by age 23 and her dad was still paying off the wedding by the time the divorce was finalised. Of course you think/hope it will last but there are no guarantees. Your offer of a mortgage repayment is very sensible and so generous. I 100% would want to elope if it was up to me.
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going into debt for something like a wedding is ludicrous ... and people shouldn't expect or allow their parents to do so. I think it comes down to having a sit down chat with all parties (both sets of parents) ... cutting out the bs of chest thumping and "we can afford more than you can" or "we want this and you have to pay for that" ... and being reasonable. I think parents should butt out of saying what the couple should do for their wedding (must be in OUR church, must invite ALL the cousins-twice-removed, must NOT include young children - thats THEIR wishes ... not the couples ... whose wedding is it? and "I"m paying for it" is NOT a reason to impose your will on your kids ...

bad enough to have relatives who put themselves into massive debt to fund private school educations for 3 kids ... I know its not a barometer of success but not one of those 3 kids ever completed their uni studies ... so have accrued hecs/help debt for no end result/benefit ... but for weddings?! that's where it definitely is so out of hand ...
 
jessy_girl said:
Yes weddings are stupidly overpriced. For sure you get people just going for the free feed and it gets a bit out of hand if people start bringing partners that don't even know the bride or groom. There are ways to cut costs but it's hard. I'm only so-so on going to weddings as it is and I'm not in it JUST for the freebies, but I think it's a bit cheeky to not provide anything. Maybe that's because I've only ever gone to weddings with food and drink etc do it's what I'm used to. I've definitely never had to bring a plate of food!
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me either ... but then my son was invited to a wedding up in the Hunter Valley but no reception ... so please drive up to the Hunter Valley and celebrate our wedding ... I think they had tea/coffee afterwards ... not even sure they had wedding cake.

my son thought that was totally ok ... I found it a bit much to expect people to travel a couple of hours or so ... maybe even have to arrange somewhere to stay overnight ... and no reception?

ps I didn't mean that you were in it for the freebies jessy_girl - hope you didn't think I was aiming at you ... its just in general I think too much importance is put on the show and not on the substance :)
 
crimmy said:
going into debt for something like a wedding is ludicrous ... and people shouldn't expect or allow their parents to do so. I think it comes down to having a sit down chat with all parties (both sets of parents) ... cutting out the bs of chest thumping and "we can afford more than you can" or "we want this and you have to pay for that" ... and being reasonable. I think parents should butt out of saying what the couple should do for their wedding (must be in OUR church, must invite ALL the cousins-twice-removed, must NOT include young children - thats THEIR wishes ... not the couples ... whose wedding is it? and "I"m paying for it" is NOT a reason to impose your will on your kids ...

bad enough to have relatives who put themselves into massive debt to fund private school educations for 3 kids ... I know its not a barometer of success but not one of those 3 kids ever completed their uni studies ... so have accrued hecs/help debt for no end result/benefit ... but for weddings?! that's where it definitely is so out of hand ...
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crimmy said:
me either ... but then my son was invited to a wedding up in the Hunter Valley but no reception ... so please drive up to the Hunter Valley and celebrate our wedding ... I think they had tea/coffee afterwards ... not even sure they had wedding cake.

my son thought that was totally ok ... I found it a bit much to expect people to travel a couple of hours or so ... maybe even have to arrange somewhere to stay overnight ... and no reception?

ps I didn't mean that you were in it for the freebies jessy_girl - hope you didn't think I was aiming at you ... its just in general I think too much importance is put on the show and not on the substance :)
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I agree with all of this. if parents want to and are willing to pay for weddings then that's fine, it shouldn't always be assumed though nor should this become an excessive thing. Planning a wedding is stressful, it's impossible to please everyone and somehow the bride and groom often end up overlooking their own wants and needs which is ridiculous really. I would so not feel ok about my parents dropping a crapload of cash on a party even if they were ok with it. But a big weddings the stuff of nightmares for me.

I can't believe that Hunter Valley thing! Is that where the couple lived at least? Non-local weddings can really start adding up for guests, I think it's kind of reasonable in those cases to be incentivised by a meal or bar tab or similar.

I also totally hate being a plus one to random weddings, people seem to love that but it's not for me. I went to a wedding OCD and my partner was in the wedding party and I was seated at a table with total strangers, I barely even knew the bride and groom. It was nice but uhh yeah so awkward and boring considering I am pretty antisocial.

Oh and nah that's cool, I didn't think you were aiming that at me, you just made me wonder that about myself.
 
Sweetgeek said:
I never had a reception for my wedding. A family death happened the same week as our wedding, so we settled for a church ceremony and family pics afterwards.

It was either cancel the wedding and plan for another couple of months or elope. However our honeymoon was non refundable and even if we postponed we were still expected to pay for the flowers, a percentage of the cars, photographer and video man. The men had already hired the suits too. Obviously this is not an ideal scenario. And a lot of people were put off with the continuation of the ceremony. But life just doesn't work out the way we expect. I have no regrets about it though, in hindsight I wish we could have given our families something to remember, but it's one day in a lifetime of memories to be made.
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Oh SG, that is so sad. Glad you were able to still go through with most of your wedding, as planned. You guys really did the best you could in a difficult situation. Do you think you'll plan one for one of your wedding anniversaries? Cos to me the reception was to celebrate my marriage with friends & family & it's so sad you missed out on that x
 
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