Sam Wood, you’re an idiot
- VANESSA CROLL
- SEPTEMBER 11, 2015 2:03PM
173
Sam heads to Queensland to meet Heather's family
SPOILER ALERT! SPOILER ALERT!
Sam Wood, you’re an idiot.
If you’ve just witnessed The Bachelor’s brutal attack on Heather Maltman’s unsuspecting heart, you’ll understand the rising blood pressure levels experienced by thousands of Australian women as they watched the title star of The Bachelor ungraciously send contestant Maltman packing last night.
Haven’t watched the show? Then to briefly recap, all you need know is Maltman was something of an anomaly for this televised dating franchise in that she has a brain. Let’s just say healthy IQ levels and an understated sense of humour are not qualities in bountiful supply on a show that tends to favour women of the beauty pageant variety.
In Maltman, viewers found a woman who managed to fulfil the aesthetic criteria of The Bachelor’s casting director while maintaining a sly wit and keen powers of observation.
She was smart. She was friendly. She retained her dignity in the most undignified of circumstances. And for that she was rewarded by being booted from the series after Wood’s head was turned by a far more subservient and wide-eyed contestant.
Belittle me if you must, but I’m willing to admit I’ve invested time — and my partner’s for that matter — in this year’s series and in doing so, have become quite attached to the quirky, interesting, intelligent and delightfully witty Maltman.
Sam Wood and Heather Maltman on the first episode of The Bachelor. (Pic: Channel 10)
Her tough upbringing has been documented since the show first aired. She’s alluded to hard times but hasn’t dwelled on them. Instead, she’s prospered. Clearly an independent woman, she has navigated the confected drama and manipulations of reality TV with a largely positive attitude.
Most viewers would agree watching Wood and Maltman together felt right. They clicked and shared intelligent conversation — well, as intelligent as Wood was able to muster, but more on that later.
To watch their romance unfold was to watch the foundations being laid for a strong, enduring, long-term relationship.
So where did it all go wrong? Perhaps Maltman’s big mistake was that she never played the sex kitten. Surrounded by bulging cleavage and pouty lips, Maltman refrained from strutting her sexual attributes before Wood and the ever present camera crew.
Was this your reason for denying her a rose, Wood?
“I’m worried Heather and I are just really good friends,” he dribbled, or something along those lines, earlier this week.
What exactly does that mean? That she’s not f***able enough?
Sure, they enjoy each other’s company over a beer, he explained, but...
Translation: Welcome to the “friend zone”.
Funnily enough there wasn’t too much concern about this alleged zone before “intruder” Lana Jeavons-Fellows first appeared.
Wood meets Lana Jeavons-Fellows. (Pic: Channel 10)
But as soon as a shiny new toy arrived, and Wood looked into Jeavons-Fellows “beautiful, amazing, blah blah blah, eyes” (we get it, you like her eyes), the subtle Maltman lost her appeal.
Maybe it’s a producer’s clever editing but while his exchanges with Maltman revealed substance, the slightly bumbling Wood’s interactions with Jeavons-Fellows lacked depth.
Yes, she’s attractive. Yes, she has a beautiful smile. Yes, she is well travelled. But she’s also, let’s be honest, pleasantly bland. With her courting repertoire appearing to consist of gazing demurely at Wood, challenging she is not.
In overlooking Maltman for Jeavons-Fellows, Wood chose beauty over brains. He chose submissive over cheeky.
Like a restless toddler on a plane appeased with the offer of a lollipop, Wood allowed himself to be distracted by a glittery but ultimately dull intruder.
Wood might be clueless, but the audience is not. Anyone watching this latest rose ceremony would be in full agreement he made a huge mistake in breaking Maltman’s heart.
He might not know it yet, but it’s his loss. Doe-eyed distractions come and go, but a smart, well-adjusted woman willing to open her heart on national TV is a rarity.
Heather Maltman, don’t look back.
Oh and Sam Wood, in case you didn’t hear me the first time: you’re an idiot.