Experiments are interesting things. Social experiments. Big Brother, occasionally. Whether they succeed or fail, you objectively analyse the results. Whilst historically predictable, it is fascinating to see the triumph of the flock/herd instinct over humiliating defeat, regrouping to oust perceived adversity or threat. Most particularly, and peculiarly, it comes with complete absence of forethought towards the prize or reward. The short-term, overarching aim is to reduce the medication and excitement levels in the pysch ward self harming division, but the actual spoil, the congeniality prize, is:
As of the writing of this comment, I hereby absolve fully, my duty of stewardship, guardianship, babysitting and/or incessant Tina Arena references of the person to be referred to hereon as Stalker A. I formally and officially appoint Bleachey Dude, in his capacity as Chief Hand Holding Officer, anti-self-aggrandisement e-book author with 10 years teaching experience, and future hung jury foreman, as custodian and legal guardian.
He, Bleachey Dude, as Stalker Guardian and Trustee, assumes full, complete and undelegatable responsibilty for the stalking activities of Stalker A towards Stalkee A. These duties include:
-Round the clock deflection of Stalker A engaging in stalking related activities of Stalkee A.
-Prevention of Stalker A advertising or procuring services so as to undertake stalking activities on Stalkee A.
-Round the clock counselling of Stalker A that Stalkee A is not similarly, equally or reciprocally obsessed.
-Round the clock counselling to Stalker A that Stalker A's bunny-boiling, single white female mimicry, faking of veganism interest, liking of Die Antwoord, fitbit unveiled veiled references etc of Stalkee A just makes things worse.
-To listen and deflect Stalker A from likening Stalkee A to Tina Arena and Lynda Day more times than your sanity will allow. Too, too many Tina Arena references.
-Telling Stalker A that Stalkee A's dislike of Tina Arena is not playing hard to get.
-Telling Stalker A that online dating threads are not piquing Stalkee A's interest or jealousy.
-Absolute responsibility for Stalker A's unhealthy obsessional future stalking related activities of Stalkee A.
-Guarantor of Stalkee A's enjoyment and liberty in the context of Stalker A's obsessional 24 hour stalking.
The most perverse part of all this is it's true. Happy hand holding Bleachey Dude. Pinocchio is all yours!
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