Mavis Beacon
Well-Known Member
Dear fans,
LAST night during Big Brother, as I sat demurely on the couch in my small East Brisbane bedsit, knees together and legs tucked gracefully against the couch below at an angle of no more than fifteen degrees but no less than five, I took the opportunity to not look at sonia's weird hybrid wax dummy/ventriloquist doll's head during one of the ten thousand crosses to the 'live' Queensland.....(bless you Lizzie) to the 'live' Queensland studio even though all the live crosses were delayed never mind I actually live in Queensland *crosses self* (go girl go) so leaning forward, with an elegant hand I began deftly scrolling through the images on the microfiche reader sitting on the doily sitting on the coffee table sitting on the rich polished timber floors sitting before me.
I had received updated screenshots of web pages I like to peruse from my good friend and Belgian foreign exchange student Fingerdert Humpertwink - via my Sharp facsimile machine, and thought rather than count sonia's crow's feet again I would look to see if the Behind Big Brother moderators had finally crossed Richard and the fellow over on the rights' faces out.
A welcome chill blew through the unfaded curtains from the window behind, it had been so hot here in the sub-tropics the day before I thought the heat might fuse my labia together and I unconsciously centred my lemon lime and bitters on the laminated cork drink coaster that depicted a rather playful scene of a time gone by with children playing in cobblestone Parisian streets in sailor costumes and petticoat dresses.
I watched as the coaster caught the condensation beads from the glass just in time and smiled knowingly to myself, marvelling at how precise and perfect my life must appear to all of you.
I thought about drawing the unfaded curtains, scolded my black siamese Whitney Houston for licking hers and secretly admired my meticulously manicured nails as I scrolled to the top of one of the Behind Big Brother pages Fingerdert had sent.
"Well" I thought, "Wonders will never cease it's only been a week but Richard is finally crossed out - good riddance to you four-eyes....annnnnnd the chap next to skyabolical is also crossed out oh and LOOK, so is Leo what,
the,
FUCK TIM."
Now, blind freddy could have predicted last night's eviction, in fact I'd be very surprised if Mr Anti Gretel hasn't scammed at least one of skye's supporters out of some stripper pole hard-earned after all as my good friend Stevie Wonder always says, "Mavis, I hope I live to see the day a black man gets elected to the presidential office and when a brother is finally a candidate I want you to put that briefcase of ben franklins I gave you on him with Fast Desean down on the corner of Fifth and Dingleberry."
I always reply "oh Stevie, you won't live to see anything" and we chortle and carefully raise the fine china tea cups we're drinking from back to our lips lest our mirth is betrayed by tea seeping from my tastefully applied lipstick and stevie's crazy out of control head.
But I digress.
Tim? What the fuck - please. All last week I was thinking "maybe Tim thinks daylight savings is like a time machine.....and that we're all cryogenicially frozen up here in the deep north waiting for next week and flying cars.." but evidently no, given that Leo was totally crossed out even before we got to see him get evicted and whisper into David's ear that skye has an uncircumcised peener.
THANKS A BUNCH TIM YOU ARSEHAT.
p.s. tim please don't ban me i heart you, OMG I know ban MADONNA!!.
Your bestie,
M.B. *complicated hand gesture*
LAST night during Big Brother, as I sat demurely on the couch in my small East Brisbane bedsit, knees together and legs tucked gracefully against the couch below at an angle of no more than fifteen degrees but no less than five, I took the opportunity to not look at sonia's weird hybrid wax dummy/ventriloquist doll's head during one of the ten thousand crosses to the 'live' Queensland.....(bless you Lizzie) to the 'live' Queensland studio even though all the live crosses were delayed never mind I actually live in Queensland *crosses self* (go girl go) so leaning forward, with an elegant hand I began deftly scrolling through the images on the microfiche reader sitting on the doily sitting on the coffee table sitting on the rich polished timber floors sitting before me.
I had received updated screenshots of web pages I like to peruse from my good friend and Belgian foreign exchange student Fingerdert Humpertwink - via my Sharp facsimile machine, and thought rather than count sonia's crow's feet again I would look to see if the Behind Big Brother moderators had finally crossed Richard and the fellow over on the rights' faces out.
A welcome chill blew through the unfaded curtains from the window behind, it had been so hot here in the sub-tropics the day before I thought the heat might fuse my labia together and I unconsciously centred my lemon lime and bitters on the laminated cork drink coaster that depicted a rather playful scene of a time gone by with children playing in cobblestone Parisian streets in sailor costumes and petticoat dresses.
I watched as the coaster caught the condensation beads from the glass just in time and smiled knowingly to myself, marvelling at how precise and perfect my life must appear to all of you.
I thought about drawing the unfaded curtains, scolded my black siamese Whitney Houston for licking hers and secretly admired my meticulously manicured nails as I scrolled to the top of one of the Behind Big Brother pages Fingerdert had sent.
"Well" I thought, "Wonders will never cease it's only been a week but Richard is finally crossed out - good riddance to you four-eyes....annnnnnd the chap next to skyabolical is also crossed out oh and LOOK, so is Leo what,
the,
FUCK TIM."
Now, blind freddy could have predicted last night's eviction, in fact I'd be very surprised if Mr Anti Gretel hasn't scammed at least one of skye's supporters out of some stripper pole hard-earned after all as my good friend Stevie Wonder always says, "Mavis, I hope I live to see the day a black man gets elected to the presidential office and when a brother is finally a candidate I want you to put that briefcase of ben franklins I gave you on him with Fast Desean down on the corner of Fifth and Dingleberry."
I always reply "oh Stevie, you won't live to see anything" and we chortle and carefully raise the fine china tea cups we're drinking from back to our lips lest our mirth is betrayed by tea seeping from my tastefully applied lipstick and stevie's crazy out of control head.
But I digress.
Tim? What the fuck - please. All last week I was thinking "maybe Tim thinks daylight savings is like a time machine.....and that we're all cryogenicially frozen up here in the deep north waiting for next week and flying cars.." but evidently no, given that Leo was totally crossed out even before we got to see him get evicted and whisper into David's ear that skye has an uncircumcised peener.
THANKS A BUNCH TIM YOU ARSEHAT.
p.s. tim please don't ban me i heart you, OMG I know ban MADONNA!!.
Your bestie,
M.B. *complicated hand gesture*
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