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The Princess Bride Appreciation Society

But, knowing that he did have an array of weapons in his revenge bag, Inigo proceeded to go into the library. Past the library security paper clip, and into a massive room full of books. Inigo looked to the left and right of him and saw books as high as his eye could see. Paperclips brushed past him, hustling this way and that. Their eyes searching for that next book.

"Hmmm, I need to find something on Tina Arena," Thought Inigo as he headed over to the bookshelf. He picked out a red covered book and opened it. Reading it as fast as he could. But there was nothing in there about Tina Arena.

"It's just about paperclips!"

So Inigo got another book from the shelf. It was about paperclips. Another book. Same thing. Inigo scratched his head. Where was the books about Tina Arena? Seeking answers, he decided to speak to one of the librarians.

"Excuse me, can you tell me where I can find a book on Tina Arena?"

"I'm sorry, but we only have books on paperclips," Said the librarian.

Inigo, nodding his thanks, walked away. He was now stuck in a library about paperclips, and he still had no idea about Tina Arena.

To be continued.
 
Inigo, deciding that there was nothing he could do in this library, decided to leave it and go on to the next town. So he went out of the library and continued walking. Pretty soon he became hungry. He had not eaten for a while and was feeling very low. He did not know if he could make it any longer, he did not know if he could find Tina Arena, he did not know if he could avenge the death of his hero Donald Trump. Seeing a bench next to a shady tree, Inigo decided to sit down. Hoping that he had enough potatoes in his bag. But when he opened his bag he found that there were no potatoes left.

"Oh no, I must have not packed enough. Damn, now with no potatoes I'm going to go so hungry. Oh that makes me sad it does," Said Inigo to himself after he had opened his bag and found out that there were no potatoes left. All that remained was bits of junk that Inigo packed for his quest.

Inigo slumped down further on the bench. He was slipping, slowly drifting away from lack of hunger. Soon he would be fast asleep and hungry. And even when he woke up he would be still hungry. He had to eat something.

Then, he saw Jessica Fletcher carrying a bag of potatoes...

To be continued.
 
"Oh my, what a lovely bag of potatoes," Thought Inigo to himself as he watched Mrs. Fletcher carrying her bag of potatoes without a care in the world. Serenly walking down the dusty road and whistling a happy tune.

Inigo, deciding that he had to have a potato, being that he hadn't eaten for a while, walked over to Jessica Fletcher.

"Excuse me, Madam, but can I please have one of your potatoes?" Asked Inigo.

"Certainly not, I need them to try out a murder." Replied Jessica Fletcher, her eyes narrowing at Inigo's unexpected intrusion into her daily routine.

"Oh, whose murder?"

"Yours."

And then Jessica Fletcher turned towards Inigo and started swinging the bag of potatoes towards him.

To be continued.
 
Inigo, startled by Jessica's sudden change in demeanor, stepped back. Away from Jessica and her bag of swinging potatoes. But Jessica was too quick for him, and caught Inigo on the side.

"Ouch! What you do that for?" Asked Inigo clutching his right side.

"You must be stopped, Inigo, this is the only way it will work," Said Mrs. Fletcher in a robotic voice.

"Wait why are you talking like that? Ouch, you hit me again."

"Please stand still, it will be better for you."

"No! Not until you tell me what is going on."

"If you don't stay where you it will not be very good for you."

"Well I don't see how it could be any worse."

As soon as Inigo said that, Jessica Fletcher reached into her bag of potatoes and pulled out a potato gun. Aiming it straight at Inigo, who was frozen on the spot. Shocked at the sheer size of the potato gun. It seemed to dwarf Jessica Fletcher. Inigo had never seen a potato gun that big in his whole entire life, and Inigo was an expert on potatoes (as well as revenge).

"Goodbye, Inigo." Said Jessica as she got ready to shoot Inigo.

Was this the end for Inigo?

To be continued.
 
Jessica put her finger on the trigger. Eyes fixed firmly on Inigo. She aimed and fired. But nothing happened. Looking at the gun, Jessica began taking the potato gun apart. Inigo, knowing that he only had one chance, dodged out of the way, grabbed into his bag, and pulled out a book.

"What are you doing?" Asked Jessica looking up from trying to fix her potato gun.

"Ooosha goooo away Jessica Fletcher!" Said Inigo chanting from the book.

Inigo chanted many times, both in low and high voices, towards Jessica. Suddenly, a green sparkly mist emerged from the book. It went over to Jessica, who had stopped fixing her potato gun, and was standing firmly in shock at the incoming green mist. Frozen in time. The green mist descended unto Jessica Fletcher. Turning into confetti.

Another foe was gone, but would there be more for Inigo?

To be continued.
 
Inigo walked over to the confettti that was formerly known as Jessica Fletcher and picked up the potato gun. Examining it closely, Inigo put it into his big bag. The one with his many different tricks that he would need to avenge the death of Donald Trump. But he still hadn't come across Tina Arena. The one person responsible for the death of Inigo's hero.

Setting off once again, Inigo slowly trudged onwards. With night falling, and feeling a bit hungry, Inigo decided to stop over at carrot town, a town known for their love of potatoes.

"Oh I shall never be able to find her," Said Inigo to himself as he walked up a steep hill towards carrot town.

But before he could get to carrot town he found himself face to face with a giant carrot with lasers shooting out of its eyes...

To be continued.
 
The carrot was at least seven feet tall and wearing a sweater. A red and grey colored sweater. Inigo personally felt that the sweater looked awful, he personally would have preferred the carrot to wear something that didn't look like a blind rabbit knitted it. But he had no time to give out fashion advice, though he could give out some advice on how to cook the perfect potato, he had to find a way to defeat that carrot. Like Hercule Poirot, those gummi bears, and Jessica Fletcher, this was another obstacle he would have to overcome, a barrier he would have to break through, and an enemy he would have to vanquish.

"Oh how I wish I had stayed home and cooked some potatos," Said Inigo to himself as he saw the carrot coming closer and closer to him. He could feel the heat of the laser getting closer and closer.


Knowing that carrots can not see through trees, Inigo dodged behind one. Rummaging through his bag he found a piece of candy. But before he could lob it towards the carrot a laser cut down his hiding place....

To be continued.
 
The laser just missed Inigo, who, using his super reflex skills from years of training at potato school, dodged out of the way. He then came face to face with the carrot. Who was looking at him with eyes full of hatred.

"You have dared to cross my path, now I will destroy you," Said the carrot in a deep booming voice.

"Why? All I want to do is find Tina Arena," Said Inigo trying to keep his voice steady.

"Tina? Oh you should have said so before. She lives in a place called Tina Towers."

"Thanks. Say, how do I get there?"

"Well first you have to get through Carrot Town, Selfie Town, Movie reference city, and then a few more towns after that. But after you get past jumper town then you will have to cross the jelly river, navigate your way across the forest of forgotten fictional characters, and then climb the mountain of candy."

"Wow, thank you once again for all your help."

"That's ok. I'm sorry for shooting lasers at you before. I thought you were a bunny rabbit."

"I get that a lot."

So Inigo said his goodbyes to the giant carrot and off he went in search of Tina Arena...

To be continued.
 
But then Inigo woke up and found that he was still just a boring potato farmer and that donald trump was a terrible president.

The end.
 
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Rather anti-climactic ending, but an enjoyable read none the less :)
 
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Princess bride was released in theatres thirty years ago today in America
 
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