Hahahaha! I love you! Get down with your bj self! Yeah I struggled with coconut oil pulling initially too, tended to make me break out, but Im ok with that now. You can get really fitted ones done at the dentist almost like invisaline braces, but they cost a bit, but could be an option if the bulkiness of the other guards too thick, I hope you find some relief, how about even speaking to doctor and asking for a muscle relaxant for the evening (sorry Im assuming most of this is happening in your sleep) to see if it eases?