Day 12 Uplate

11.08pm – A group of housemates are in the backyard having a discussion. Well actually its Anna with most of the guys and no other girls. Mike Goldman tells us the segregation between the girls is now worse than ever.

11.14pm – The boys are throwing ducks around. Meanwhile inside Claire is doing a song and dance show. She shakes her booty around for a bit and gets the girls to brainstorm things she’s been doing in the house for a dance. Claire asks what the nipples song is… no one knows? Krystal says she did drama in high school. Anna joins them inside and jokes around with Claire about dancing moves. Krystal says she’s a bit of an exhibitionist and is great on stage. She tells the others that a lot of comedians are really dark off-stage and depressed. Katie has some of John’s moisturiser and the girls pass it around. They want salt and vinigear chips.

11.20pm – Claire finds chopsticks in the kitchen. She says “lets play a game with the chopsticks!” and immediately drops them on the floor. She then explains: the game is to pick them up without moving any other chopsticks. Some of the girls get down on the floor to play.

11.24pm – Gaelan is slicing up some pineapple and John and Ashley immediately jump in. They all say its great. Clown noises immediately play. It’s Ashley and Claire. Dino screams at Ashley on purpose “GO ASH GOO”. While getting into his costume Ashley’s underpants come down and everyone gets a glance at his bum. Ashley is very behind. They stand up on the platform and Ashely starts gagging from the clown face powder for quite a while and the others laugh at him.

This is Big Brother. Clowns Ashley and Claire, Big Brother wants to be entertained with the tightrope.

There is quite a delay as the clowns tie up their shoelaces. They open their umbrellas but Ashley’s is broken. Claire gets up on the platform which extends across the pool first but is very unstable.. she wobbles on her shoes and bends down while everyone calls out. Ashley, still on the side of the pool jumps up and down. Claire gets back on the side so Ashley gives it a try… he can’t go very far… they edge a bit on and suddenly Ash falls in the pool… the housemates are in hysterics. Ashley climbs along, dragging Claire with him by their cord. Claire swings backwards, losing her balance throwing her arms in the air to save herself, but its too late – she has to jump in the pool to keep from falling. The other housemates can’t stop laughing.

They get out and have to try again – this time they go over really fast and doing really well. Ashley is about to make it over to the other side when Michael (the insider) knocks the bar and Claire falls in the pool, dragging Ashley with her.

This is Big Brother. Big Brother was… entertained.

Everyone cheers. Michael was unsuccessful this time round. Dino sneaks away with one of the clown’s shoes. Claire and Ashley are left to clean up and Ashley must retrieve part of an umbrella from the bottom of the pool.

11.34pm – Ashley keeps finding peices of umbrella at the bottom of the pool. He searches for his clown nose.

11.39pm – Michael is actually sabotaging the task! Who would have thought? He’s stolen some balloons from the backyard and is in the toilet cutting small holes in them so they can’t be filled.

11.42pm – Camilla wants some candy or chocolate. Jamie starts talking about Tim Winton, the Australian author, which gets Camilla really excited. Jamie has the feeling his clown noise will be played soon, either now or at 4.00am in the morning. He organises with Katie how they will do balloon popping if BB asks (Michael is still in the bathroom slashing the balloons).

Camilla explains she had a dream she was in an alternate house and a girl called her an ugly cow. Camilla threw something at her and called her a bitch. The house was in a weird country – it was next to a mosque and they did a service.

David looks at his photo of a loved one for quite a long time.

11.49pm – Michael is now trying to sneak the balloons back outside in a plastic bag which also contains rubbish. He puts the rubbish in the outside rubbish bin but leaves the lid open. He then walks up to the bowl containing the balloons and quickly mixes the slashed balloons with them. He slowly walks back inside but looks really suspicious.

11.55pm – Back from the commercial break and Michael is back in the toilet slashing balloons with scissors.

12.00am – Camilla is bitching about the lack of cleaning going on in the house, and taking dishes to the kitchen after eating. It shits her that everyone has fake modesty about getting along – “its just a big wank”. Camilla says she doesn’t like conflict but everything is a bit of a pisstake in the house – they just want to make fun of everything and some aren’t very mature. Camilla adds that even though Katie jokes around you can still have a good mature chat with her.

Meanwhile Michael has found a new way to sabotage the task: throwing the props over the wall.

In the bedroom Elise says her topic didn’t come up with family discussion, but David’s didn’t either. Michael has gone into the toilet again… but this time he’s actually going to the toilet! The bedroom chat moves to in-out house philosophies and altering behaviors in the house. Michael comes over and David says “fuck I love your cardigan”. They then talk about Anna versus Krystal. They all agree the two are the head of their groups and have equal power – although Krystal slightly more becuase she’s in charge of the kitchen now. Camilla says Anna is more “look at me”.

12.16am – Ashley talks with Camilla about a person who has the surname Cox. He says he has two middle names. Feeds cut away because of the outside-people rule.

12.19am – Ashley is talking about drugs so there is a lot of beeping going on. He says he is not addicted to alcohol at all. Feed cuts to the living room where most of the housemates are playing the chopsticks game Claire introduced earlier. Jamie commentates.

12.30am – Michael is cooking sardines on the BBQ but is having trouble opening the tins – he curses the can opener out. Dino needs to give him a hand. He continues having problems for the next few minutes. Meanwhile Karen is in the bedroom explaining she’s worried about the outside world’s perception of her – but Camilla says thats the same with everyone in the house. Ashley says they could throw in a double eviction anytime. Ashley is unsure if this week will be a double eviction though. David asks Camilla how she fits in with her friends. She says she is the Katie of her group outside the house.

12.45am – Karen is talking about her boyfriend (Krystal’s father) when she was 16 – they were going out for about 3 years but there were about 6 other guys Karen saw. He cheated on her a few times so she’d cheat on him to get back. Karen became pregnant with Krystal when she was 16. She was not happy. She moved to Byron Bay to live with her sister and found out she was pregnant while there.

Mike Goldman jumps in and says its a boring conversation and they will play an uplate update – Oh PUUULEEZ Mike don’t insult our intelligence!

12.50am – Back to Karen: There is talk of having another kid – Karen and her boyfriend decided not have another child. She is glad she didn’t when she looks back now. Camilla says she has a friend who had an abortion because she would fall pregnant just looking at some one. Karen says she had her tubes tied after having Krystal. Karen says she could never give advice to some one about abortions or having a child. Elise comments Karen must have been very healthy and furtile.

Karen carried a child for some one (possibly her sister). David says at some stage he’s going to have to ask his sister for an egg or to carry a child.

1.00am – Karen is talking about a child he knew who was ugly and it affected his life severely. Camilla says she was an ugly child but turned out fine… Karen disagrees she was ugly but Camilla is adament about proving she was ugly – she pulls out photos and shows them. Camilla says she breaks out with pimples under stress. Krystal and Karen talks about an episode of Doctor Phil which had girls who wanted to marry old millionaires. Can’t have cross promotion of another show – feed is cut.

In the kitchen Jamie is talking about his relationship with Katie. He says if he hangs out with Katie all the time it will change the dynamics of the house – which is what he told Katie. He doesn’t know where he sees it going just yet. Ashley and Michael understand. In the bedroom Ashley is looking for his shoe (Dino hid it earlier). The girls quietly find and raid the candy out of Michael’s bag and he runs over to stop them but is too late. Jamie runs over with his pants down again. Krystal and Anna have one last raid to check for any candy left over.

1.15am – Jamie and Katie are snuggling up together in bed. Katie kisses Jamie on the cheek and says “yeah you were a little bit different”. She has her hand on his neck and slowly strokes it. He looks a little freaked out. Jamie relays whats happened earlier with Ashley (which was beeped earlier) – Ashley got very defensive when talking about steroids, saying they change your personality. This got Jamie very annoyed, and tells Katie he has studied pyschology and human movement so he knows better. He wanted Ashley to just shutup about it, and got very frustrated.

Katie: Because he might be two slices short of a loaf?

Jamie explains he gets annoyed sometimes in gyms when people question his methods when he knows what he’s doing. He also hates it when people steal ideas from him – for example at home he’ll have a joke and …

David and Dino’s clown noise sounds. David yells ‘shit!’ and they run outside Dino is only in his underpants. David is behind Dino in getting costume on. They get on their platform and the HMs laugh at Dino’s appearance. Michael calls him the Bosnian Burrito.

This is Big Brother. Clowns David and Dino. Big Brother wants to be entertained by balloon popping.

Michael is all smiles. David picks up the first balloon and blows and nothing happens… he says “what the fuck”. Michael laughs. Dino tries a balloon and gets it a little blown up, and pops it. He pops another one. David however is still stuck on his sabotaged balloon.

When we return from a commercial break Mike Goldman tells us Big Brother announced he was not entertained.

1.30am – Housemates in the bedroom talk about boys vs. girls. Krystal says they lived behind a woman who had 5 boys – they felt sorry for her. Dino says his ass is burning from using it to pop balloons just before. Krystal was going to comment he could damage his tailbone. He gets Tilli to feel his butt – its rock hard “like cement”. Dino jumps into bed with Tilli and Krystal and says he might want to have some variety tonight. Dino says John is “the funniest animal in the world”.

At 1.35am Dreamworld says goodnight.

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It's usually pretty awkward when I tell strangers I run a website about Big Brother. I swear it's a healthy obsession.

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