Day 5 Uplate

Hi folks. On Thursday nights I’ll be taking you through Big Brother Uplate while Dave does the daily show and goes to bed at a reasonable time! I’m in Perth so the first 15 minutes has been cut off tonight’s show.

11.56pm – Constance is in the sauna talking about what she does on the toilet! Straining herself and stomping on the ground it seems. Gianna tells the story of one time at bandcamp when she was really constipated. The girls then talk about the toilet in the Big Brother house. They agree that they shouldn’t show the HMs going to the toilet on TV but if the guys are jerking off everyone should know about it. Apparently Dean was busted when going to the toilet this morning, but Constance doesn’t know if she should talk about it. She lets out that Dean saw something in the toilet – 3 Big Brother crew members. Has the secret door been revealed now? Well we will never know because the feed instantly cuts to the bedroom. Some housemates are lying around and being quiet. Michelle says her wisdom teeth are killing her because they are breaking through her gums. Hotdogs says his mouth is full – no teeth going in or out. Christie says she has a gap, and doesn’t know if she has her wisdom teeth in – Michelle reminds her you would know because having your wisdom teeth out requires an operation.

The next caller is very excited to get through, but Mike reminds her she could get it wrong! lol! He gets her to do some pashing over the phone for the $1000. The caller thinks Hotdogs is good looking and Angela is the girl with class. We’re now in the sauna with some of the girls. They are joking about the boys kissing in the spa the night before, and the audience thinking they’re all gay in the house. Gianna has had enough of the sauna and leaves. Kate asks Angela about kissing a girl – Angela has been with a girl before. Kate explains a period in her life of mass-weight loss. She doesn’t like skinny girls, but Angela and Constance both agree that she’s skinny. Kate is pushing over 75kg. The girls admire Constance’s cleavage: “there’s some serious tits there”. Constance exposes her nipples and asks the girls if they think they’re too big. The girls say they are a little big – Constance tells her nipples to go smaller, lol!

12.12am – Constance explains she gets annoyed when people suggest her and Nelson will fall for each other. Constance says there’s nothing there but he does remind her of all her friends outside the house. She is concerned Gretel will be asking her “is it love?” during her eviction. Angela is annoyed Dean isn’t being himself because he’s paranoid about everyone in the house. She says his stories about himself keep changing. Mike cuts into the feed to explain Constance lied about having a boyfriend when she entered the house. Also, the “Commodore 64” computers have crashed so no more SMS’s.

12.24am – Back in the sauna Angela is bitching about Gianna, and their previous confrontations in the house. Angela says today she sensed Gianna was left out, and every time she tried to talk to Gianna, Gianna wasn’t listening, only humouring Angela then leaving to talk to some one cuter. Kate says she knows she’s known as the competitive bitch and it takes time for her to relate. Angela says some competitive games tomorrow, like tennis maybe? Dean is now in the sauna with the girls. Angela says “oh god here we go” when Nelson enters. In the bedroom, Christie is talking about a wedgie in her “clucka”. She says she has a cameltoe and goes and hugs Geneva. Hotdogs goes on to sing the cameltoe song. Christie talks about spooning with a guy who was a lot bigger than her. Michelle and Hotdogs are lying and holding each other in bed. They are talking about deep relationships but the audio is low and it’s a little hard to follow. Meanwhile Christie doesn’t understand how the “doubled sided mirrors” let the cameras see them and exclaims there are so many handprints on them. She also wonders how many camera men are behind the wall. Hotdogs and Michelle are still talking about deep relationships, and living arrangements.

12.36am – The boys in the sauna (Dean and Nelson) are asking the girls if they photograph well. Angela really hates her Big Brother publicity photo, saying she had to fake smile. Constance practices fake smiling. Angela says Nelson’s photo looks like a church photo. They all agree Dean’s photo looks like a little boy. Dean exclaims its getting hot on the high raised step so they decide to add some water on the rocks. Constance says sometimes it gets too hard to breath in the sauna. Dean says tomorrow they are going to do synchronised swiming in the pool Simpsons-style. Dean has the sweats and pours Angela’s drinking water on him, much to Angela’s disgust. Nelson puts some of the steaming water on himself. Mike cuts in and decides to point out the body language with Hotdogs and Michelle. Mike says Hotdogs was sticking his chest out which means “I’m better than you”, and Michelle was twisting her hair which apparently means “I’m interested in you” – according to a Streets song Mike heard! Also their legs are intertwined and we all know what that means!

12.46am – The deep and meaningfuls continue between Hotdogs and Michelle. They are talking about past relationships. The conversation itself isn’t very solid and not easy to follow, but Hotdogs does a lot of stroking of Michelle’s hair and touching her face. Dean comes in and has a little chuckle about the two in bed. He goes on to try and find his underpants to wear to bed – but he can’t. They all discuss how Constance has been sweating out her bitchyness in the sauna and she asks everyone if they want to see her tits – they say no. Dean says her tits are half filled waterbombs, so she throws her brastrap at him. He says the strap smells. Meanwhile Nelson comes into the bedroom and Constance gives him a hug. She steals his apple for a few bites as a midnight snack. Nelson stands there naked for a few seconds and Constance tells him to put himself away. Mike Goldman comes on and exclaims “we just saw Willie Nelson!”. Cue tragic trumpet: wah wah waaah. Hotdogs is going to bed now, to the annoyance of Michelle and Dean, who are now lying next to each other.

12.57am – A lot of the HMs have come from the spa to the sauna. Logan David tells a story about how he waited 3 months for sex because he really liked a girl. He was 20 at the time. He says she’s now back with her ex-boyfriend who treats her really bad. Michael likes players but once you get a player it ruins their whole attractiveness. Kate exclaims her annoyance at some guys she thinks can be great for just a little fling but they always want more. Angela says Kate is more of a vixen the longer she’s in the house. More water is put on the stones and the boys on the top steam all squirm in the sudden heat, so much so that Angela needs to throw some water on Glenn. Tim and Logan hide under a towel. Glenn talks about spending a night in a spa drinking and how the hangover in the morning is so bad because you are dehydrated. Logan puts a whole lot of water on the stones and the sauna fills with steam. Tim and Glenn say it stings. The camera walls start to fog up and Angela needs to leave because of the heat. Kate loves it. Logan puts MORE water on the stones and Angela is pissed. They wonder if the sauna and spa is good for your health. Michael wants to know what noises the girls make when they orgasm. Angela says she’s loud but Kate doesn’t want to talk about it. Logan is in the bathroom watching the housemates in the sauna through a little window, not sure why. Tim jokes that he always says “go Timmy go” when he orgasms. Michael says he screams “oooooaaargh”. And just to be inconvenient, Mike Goldman jumps in right as they are making orgasm noises.

1.12am – Michael is talking about a time where he was really bad in bed, like a rabbit. Gianna is at the door and Michael asks her why her nipples are always so hard: she is cold. Gianna and Logan are in the bathroom getting ready for bed. Tim goes for a shower and gets a shock when the water comes out freezing cold. Gianna says uncut is on tonight and jokes about everyone seeing Logan kissing other guys on TV – except it wasn’t that Logan! In the bedroom the girls are talking about if Nelson left the Big Brother house (his own choice). They say if they walk out they get no prizes. If Dean run a reality TV show and some one walked out, he wouldn’t give them prizes. Christie wonders if they are doing well in the ratings. They all agree they are – and go through a list of all the TV worthy elements that have happened so far (including lots of swearing and crying). Christie is a little clued in and says Uncut doesn’t start for 2 weeks. Gianna says the whole thing is Uncut and some one suggests they take the show to an R rating instead of G. They start talking about people who watch the show religiously (lol, not me!). They agree its cool people are so obsessed about them. Nelson starts talking about how weird it was walking up the walkway at the launch and having people grabbing him and screaming at him.

1.25am – Lots of conversations crossing over in the bedroom – but whats this!?… Hotdogs is having another deep and meaningful… with Geneva! She notices something disgusting on Hotdog’s back that looks like paint. She goes to scratch it off while Hotdogs enjoys the contact. Hotdogs says he wishes Constance was clean in the house. Christie is demonstrating a dance she made with a friend when she was 17 called the ‘peacock dance’. Logan and Glenn are continuing their pillow fight amid loud burps. Logan’s pants match the bedding, according to Angela. Gianna is teaching Tim to pole dance while Christie watches. He’s having a few problems with his feet and goes to get socks to make it easier. While he’s gone Gianna and Christie spin around the pole and try to catch each other’s asses. Gianna pulls a wedgy out of her butt right infront of the camera. The girls go on to do various dances on the dance floor – Irish etc. Gianna hasn’t got a bra on so things are bouncing all over the place. Gianna starts singing “I touch myself” while doing a sexy strut. In the bedroom Kate is talking to Logan about having a sex in a sauna – Logan hasn’t done it. He likes to move around a lot, stand up etc. in different positions. Kate and Glenn are playing footsies on the bed. Logan tells them a story about a fight he had with girls in a club/pub. Mike Goldman wraps it up, but before we go we hear Gianna say “next week I think I’ll pull out that little outfit”. At 1.42am, Dreamworld says goodnight.

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