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R U OK Support Thread

Hey, thanks you guys, @qtkt & @joyjoyjoy ....for the kind thoughts elsewhere & here

Anyone have advice for dealing with alcoholics with brain damage?
Unfortunately, family member has flipped and is violent & attacking us, nothing about them makes sense.

Things have calmed down a bit since this person was in court for assaulting someone else, so now on a good behavior bond we are guessing.
And my kindest sister is unwell, with mystery illnesses, and is stressed

Going to have some dancing fun tonight for stress relief, 80s night should be funny
 
Hope the dancing night was fun. I have no advice to offer for dealing with alcoholism with mental illness. Just alcoholism on its own is difficult enough. I can listen when you need to vent though. Sorry to hear about your other sister. Gosh you've got a lot going on.
 
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Basically: get them off the alcohol. But we know that already. I personally think alcohol is USUALLY used - when it's in addictive way - in conjunction with mental illness. As self medication. Even almost always used in this way. The problem is the alcohol then causes more mental illness.
Maybe find some AA groups with some fairly hard core members (ex criminal/ex addicts) who have turned things around so they can show your family member real example of being able to kick the alcohol and nuts way of life/thinking process and who probably wouldn't shy away from being fairly blunt with your family member...?
 
Thanks for your kind thoughts @qtkt and the advice @Mooseface....

Unfortunately this person is beyond our help - and we have tried for years now.
They do not want our help, they do not want to be well, do not want to give up booze or the synthetic crap that is making them behave like a crazy person...and it is pretty clear they prefer booze and drugs to family.

We have to let go - and unfortunately had to get protection, ie intervention orders, they are violent, disturbed and we have no idea what they come and attack us for. Had to do this to stop them smashing windows, and for their own protection - from our Rottie, he will eat them if they ever come here again.
This person knows we are there to help if they want help.
They also owe me a lot of money, I know that is gone forever, least of my worries.

I can't help feeling a bit relieved I don't have to deal with them - but i will always keep hoping. Maybe when I see them in court next they may have gotten some help.
Ahh, life is weird isn't it.....
 
Thanks for your kind thoughts @qtkt and the advice @Mooseface....

Unfortunately this person is beyond our help - and we have tried for years now.
They do not want our help, they do not want to be well, do not want to give up booze or the synthetic crap that is making them behave like a crazy person...and it is pretty clear they prefer booze and drugs to family.

We have to let go - and unfortunately had to get protection, ie intervention orders, they are violent, disturbed and we have no idea what they come and attack us for. Had to do this to stop them smashing windows, and for their own protection - from our Rottie, he will eat them if they ever come here again.
This person knows we are there to help if they want help.
They also owe me a lot of money, I know that is gone forever, least of my worries.

I can't help feeling a bit relieved I don't have to deal with them - but i will always keep hoping. Maybe when I see them in court next they may have gotten some help.
Ahh, life is weird isn't it.....
It is weird. Well... it sounds difficult and I feel for you. But yes if they currently don't want help then no one CAN help them. Best to set the boundaries and move on with your own lives.

It's tragic, the devastation from alcohol and booze. It makes me wonder what everyone did BEFORE drugs. (Alcohol has always been there!). Did they work through things or flip out or what...?!
 
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@kxk they have to want help first - and even then it's a hard road they have to drive . Think of yourself as one of the road signs ( a speed directive or keep left). You're there, you offer good support without being 'active' , but it's up to the motorist to follow or ignore you. And there's nothing the road sign can do to make motorists obey - and when they don't sometimes they hurt themselves or others BUT it is never the road sign's fault.
 
Next Thursday is RUOK DAY, and we often forget, so remember.....

INFORMATION

R U OK? Day is an annual day in September (the second Thursday) dedicated to remind people to ask family, friends and colleagues the question, "R U OK?", in a meaningful way, because connecting regularly and meaningfully is one thing everyone can do to make a difference to anyone who might be struggling.

R U OK? is a not-for-profit suicide prevention organisation founded by Australian ad man Gavin Larkin in 2009 as a result of his participation in Landmark Worldwide's Self-Expression and Leadership Program, which requires attendees to create a community project.[1][2]

R U OK? works collaboratively with experts in suicide prevention and mental illness, as well as government departments, corporate leaders, teachers, universities, students and community groups. Its activities also align with the Australian Government's LIFE Framework.[3]

Background
In a 12-month period, it is estimated that 65,000 Australians make a suicide attempt,[4] with an average of 2,320[5][6] people committing suicide every year.[7] In fact, around 45 per cent of Australians will experience mental illness in their lifetime, while 20 per cent are affected every year.[8]

History[edit]
Gavin Larkin experienced the suicide of his father in 1995 resulting in the eventual co-creation with Janina Nearn of "R U OK?" in 2009.

The R U OK? tagline was brought about from extensive research proving that checking in with someone can really make a difference to their mental state. On the R U OK? website Gavin has said that, "Getting connected and staying connected is the best thing anyone can do for themselves and for those who may be at risk."[3]

Since its inception, many Australian celebrities and athletes such as Hugh Jackman;[9] Naomi Watts;[10] Simon Baker; South Sydney Rabbitohs co-captain, Roy Asotasi; former Rugby league player Wendell Sailor[11] and gold medal Olympian Libby Trickett[12] have enlisted as ambassadors and supporters to help raise awareness.[13]

In 2009 Yahoo!7's Sunrise reported that 650,000 conversations took place as a result of the campaign, which statistically is proven to help stop little problems turning into big ones.[14]

In 2012, the annual Don Ritchie Award was announced in conjunction with R U OK? Day to recognise the "extraordinary acts of service and commitment to suicide prevention," said NSW Minister for Mental Health, Kevin Humphries. After his death, Don Ritchie, the 'Angel of the Gap', was recognised for his "efforts in saving the lives of hundreds of people at risk of suicide" with the award that will continue to recognise the efforts of others in this field.[15]

Love that last bold bit.....have you ever had to stop someone?
Had a couple of suicide interventions with people, and those we missed......sometimes you just have no clue
 
It's been a big week for me. On Monday I went to see a skin specialist about what is probably a basal cell carcinoma on my shoulder blade. He decided to do a scrap/curettage/burn of it then and there. Had the dressing changed at work last night. It's deeper than I thought too. Hopefully get BCC as the diagnosis which will mean no treatment hopefully. If it's a squamous cell ca, we'll think about treatment of some sort.
Yesterday my GP rang and said that my FOBT results came back positive. Off to see him later today and then off to a gastroenterologist and presumably a colonoscopy next week or the next. I'm bleeding internally but for what reason we have yet to determine. Could be haemorrhoids, diverticulitis, cancer, polyps etc etc. I'm going with the hoids in all honesty. I was having melt down after melt down at work which was embarrassing. Not helped as my bestie there still doesn't know if his renal ca is benign or malignant and I think he's pushing us away a bit as he tries to reconcile his anxiousness re the unknown. I get that but it's killing me more than my own health issues.
My biggest annoyance for me is that the two people I care most about in facebookland land live in Wales and Oregon and I want to see them and hug them.
 
Best wishes @Khun Khun .....waiting for results can be so horrid, hope all goes well for you and your buddy.

Here is the story behind RUOK, I had no idea, it is such a cruel, sad and brave story....


R U OK? Day: How Gavin Larkin's memory lives on through his family and the movement he started

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LARKIN FAMILY

As R U OK? Day rolled out for a third year across Australia in 2011, its founder Gavin Larkin was anything but OK.

He was days away from death but still tracking the success of his fledgling suicide prevention movement from bed at his Sydney home.

"I've got Twitter on and Facebook," Mr Larkin told ABC Radio on the day.

"It's everywhere, so I'm very happy because it's more important than me."

His wish was for R U OK? Day to continue well beyond his death and, six years on, Australians have wholeheartedly embraced the concept of checking in on the welfare of each other.

The latest figures show 80 per cent of Australians are aware of the day of action and one in four of those have participated in an R U OK? Day-related activity.

But the phenomenon has also been a source of strength and comfort for his wife and children.

"This is the house that lives and breathes R U OK? and it's incredible to see the community that R U OK? has built around us," his daughter, Josie, said.

"It's incredible to see what he dedicated the last few years of his life to still helping others."

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'I don't ever say it's not fair'

PHOTO: Gavin Larkin was a successful advertising executive when he set up R U OK? Day in 2009. (Supplied: R U OK?)



The Larkin family has endured unimaginable loss over the past six years.

Two years after Larkin's death from lymphoma, his 15-year-old son, Gus, died of a brain tumour.

The father and son's courage, acceptance and fighting spirit in the face of devastating prognoses were documented on Australian Story in 2011.

Mr Larkin's wife, Maryanne, said her family had suffered the "unthinkable" but were doing "pretty well considering".

"I think outsiders look at it and think, 'My God, if that happened to me, how would I get up everyday?'," she said.

"I do have feelings like that some days; that it is so hard, but we've been able to cope, and I would say cope pretty well actually.

"Acceptance has been a big part of me being able to get through it.

"I don't ever say, 'it's not fair'."

R U OK? born from personal fear of suicide
Larkin set up R U OK? in 2009 as a personal project to honour his father, Barry Larkin, who took his own life in 1996.

Despite his successful and lucrative advertising career, Gavin Larkin feared he was heading down a similar path to his father.

"I should have been feeling on top of the world and I felt empty, I felt black, and it really scared me and I started to worry that I might do what my father did," he said.

He came up with the concept of R U OK? Day, a national day of action to encourage people to reach out to others who may be struggling.

He used his marketing skills and high-profile contacts to get newspapers, television stations and a host of celebrities on board.

It was an instant success, but shortly after the first R U OK? Day, Larkin was diagnosed with stage-four lymphoma. Gus was diagnosed three weeks later.

"You could say, 'Why me?' and then you go, 'Well why not me? What is it about us that's so different or special?'," Larkin said.

"Life is random and you've got to cop the good with the bad."

Gus was equally accepting.

Six years after Gavin's death, his wife Maryanne, 16-year-old daughter Josie and 12-year-old son Van are all still involved in the R U OK? movement.

Josie gives speeches for the organisation, and Ms Larkin and Van took part in the Conversation Convoy, a group of four bright yellow cars that toured Australia spreading the R U OK? message.

R U OK?'s chief executive, Brendan Maher, said Larkin's personal story was central to the ongoing power of the movement.

"Gav's never far away," Mr Maher said.

"I often think, 'What would Gav think about this?', and I hope that he'd be happy with where we're going."

Everyone agrees Larkin would be thrilled to see how successful his suicide prevention movement has become.

"He would be very happy," Ms Larkin said.

The ninth R U OK? Day is on Thursday, September 14.

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Watch Beyond OK on Australian Story on ABCTV.
 
How you doin Hooley/@joyjoyjoy?

We won't forget this year......

Everyone, tomorrow is RUOK DAY

Hard time of year for me...
And Connie......part of her Village, how could i not be,loving sisters and soulmates

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Memorial service, Saturday, St Paul's Cathedral, Melbourne
 
How are you @Khun Khun ?

And going to this, anyone else?

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Hello K, I'm ok. A bit of pain as I've just had my dressing on my BCC changed. Healing well but she made it bleed which was good but hurt like crazy. Praise be for getting them done at work.
Colonoscopy coming up on Saturday. The prep tomorrow is freaking me out as that can be nasty, lol.
Received my breast screen reminder yesterday too. All happening in Khun Khun land.
That aside, I'm tootling along.
How are you? Are you ok?
 
@Khun Khun I don't know what some of those initials mean, I hope your tests are all coming up roses???
So no results on that worrying internal bleeding yet? Seems a long time to wait & worry.

And I am better this week, shitty time of year for me, both my baby sis, and baby bros anniversaries August & September.
Connie died on my bros's anniversary. Kind of hit me like a tonne of bricks a few weeks ago, and realised I have been in shock like a zombie for a bit.
I sent him some poetry and other stuff that helped me a little, and the gorgeous man answered.

If you are well enough, maybe catch up for a coffee sometime?
 
@Khun Khun I don't know what some of those initials mean, I hope your tests are all coming up roses???
So no results on that worrying internal bleeding yet? Seems a long time to wait & worry.

And I am better this week, shitty time of year for me, both my baby sis, and baby bros anniversaries August & September.
Connie died on my bros's anniversary. Kind of hit me like a tonne of bricks a few weeks ago, and realised I have been in shock like a zombie for a bit.
I sent him some poetry and other stuff that helped me a little, and the gorgeous man answered.

If you are well enough, maybe catch up for a coffee sometime?
BCC - basal cell carcinoma. The best sort of skin cancer to get, so to speak. Slow growing but if left long enough can be a nuisance.
The colonoscopy should find where the bleeding is coming from. It could be for any one of a number of reasons.
Very sad time of year indeed for you. Sad too that now Connie lost her life at the same time. How lovely that you got a response from him.
Yes, coffee would be nice. I'm not free at all this coming week until the weekend.
 
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