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Eurovision! Australia's in!

Jam

Jam

I don't like it
As we are so clearly part of Europe, it seems logical that we join the greatest competition of cutting edge talent in the known universe.

Who will represent us, though?
 
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11 February 2015



Nic Holland | @nicmusic

This morning SBS and Julia Zemiroannounced that Australia will actually be competing in the Eurovision Song Contest this year, in celebration of the 60th Anniversary of the annual music competition.

20% of people responded by saying that 'Australia isn't even in Europe'. Another 20% thought that news outlets were misspelling Austria. The remaining 60% of people were, in fact, incredibly excited at the prospect of Australia being a contender in Eurovision.

Let's start making serious predictions about who Australia will send to Vienna to represent our fine nation. Here's out top 10... Get ready for a whole lot of 'not even'-ing.

10. Madison Avenue ft. a glass of water

#neverforget


9. Bardot reunion

'Poison' followed by 'ASAP' and 'I Need Somebody' surrounded by 100 shimmying dancers. In fact, why not get Scandal'us up there singing 'Me, Myself and I' for a mega-finale.

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8. Steph McIntosh

Steph McIntosh's 'Mistake' is one of the most underrated Aussie pop tunes of all time. Not only was it a good song, but it was also used in the iconic scene in 'Summer Heights High' when Ja'mie does a presentation on why her schools should have a Year 11 formal. She's also Jason Donovan's little sister, so there's that.








7. 'Home and Away' Supergroup

Tammin Sursok, Bec Cartwright and Dannii Minogue doing a medley of 'Whatever Will Be', 'All Seats Taken' and 'All I Wanna Do'. When will your faves?








6. Human Nature doing their best N*SYNC

Human Nature attempted to be the aussie version of N*SYNC back in 2000 - and it sort of worked, with their song 'He Don't love You' hitting #4 in Australia. We reckon they need to ditch Vegas and the hits of Motown, and do early 00's pop just like they mean it. Wouldn't complain if they chucked in 'Don't Say Goodbye' as well.

5. Anthony Callea singing 'The Prayer'

What could be more Australian than Anthony Callea singing an Italian song? NOTHING. It's the highest selling physical Australian single of all time (lol), and the recipient of Mark Holden's once-off Grande Royal Touchdown (LOL). Vanessa Amorossi could even come out halfway and do the Celine Dion bits.


4. Farnsey, Barnsey and Nollsie

John Farnham, Jimmy Barnes and Shannon Noll forming what could only be described as the most Aussie vocal trio of all time.

3. Nikki Webster

What better way to celebrate Australia's future than by looking 15 years into the past! Nikki could perform a medley of her hits, including 'Devilicious', Strawberry Kisses' and 'Crazy 'Bout Your Smile (24/7)', just to name a few.








2. Young Divas reunion

Ricki-Lee in a Beyonce Super Bowl-style performance, with Kate De Araugo and Paulini popping up a la Kelly and Michelle for a rendition of 'This Time I Know It's For Real'. THINK ABOUT IT.








1. 'Neighbours' Supergroup

Kylie Minogue. Delta Goodrem. Natalie Imbruglia. Nat Bassingthwaite. Holly Valance.

Nothing in Australian music has, or could ever come close to the iconic-ness of this idea. Tony Abbott should probably get involved to help make this happen.
 
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@bleachy_dude Either the Young Divas or Neighbours supergroup sounds fab! I think that the Young Divas might agree, too!

@reepbot If Tina Arena sings, I think that might count as a win for France, though? She'd have to call herself Tiny Tina Arena for it to count as an Aussie win. :)
 
Jam said:
@bleachy_dude Either the Young Divas or Neighbours supergroup sounds fab! I think that the Young Divas might agree, too!

@reepbot If Tina Arena sings, I think that might count as a win for France, though? She'd have to call herself Tiny Tina Arena for it to count as an Aussie win. :)
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I'd certainly agree on the Young Divas. Love it.
 
reepbot said:
Wouldn't it only count as a win for France if Tina Arena sings in French? Also Tina is not that tiny. She is 179cm.
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She'll always be Tiny Tina Arena to a lot of us oldies, though. I had no idea that she was that tall, though! She's taller than me!
 
Jam said:
She'll always be Tiny Tina Arena to a lot of us oldies, though. I had no idea that she was that tall, though! She's taller than me!
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I had no idea either! But she is not as tall as me.

So does Australia have any chance of winning eurovision? Any chance at all? Or are we just cannn fodder?
 
reepbot said:
I had no idea either! But she is not as tall as me.

So does Australia have any chance of winning eurovision? Any chance at all? Or are we just cannn fodder?
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Surely we can't win! It'll be fun, though. I'm sure we can handle to supertack!
 
reepbot said:
What's the point of doing something if you don't win?
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Well, I have yet to oil up and post my bare backside, so I'm clearly never going to win the internet. Although if I did post that, I'm sure I'd break it!
 
Jam said:
Well, I have yet to oil up and post my bare backside, so I'm clearly never going to win the internet. Although if I did post that, I'm sure I'd break it!
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Is that how you win the internet? Seems rather like a lot of effort for nothing.
 
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After many hours, I have decided that Indecent Obsession would be great, but there is a petition to get TISM.
 
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